Let's not make this thread into a debate about suicide. Rather I'd like to use this thread as the OVERCOME moment. I want this to be positive, not all the negativity. This is the point that changed me, it was about three years ago. I was having a really rough time. At that point I'd spent the last four years either locked up or on probation. I was a hopeless drug addict, to everything. I realized my time was up, or so I thought. I was in such a depressed state I thought I couldn't crawl back up. One of my very best friends was dying of cancer, and has since passed away. It was really tearing on me. As some of you know, I'm an avid hunter so I have a large amount of firearms. So I grabbed my favorite gun, my .40cal S&W. I didn't bother with a note. I just went and picked one round, the one I wanted to be my round. I settled on a FMJ. I posted on my Facebook something subtle. I simply put "Going for a much needed ride in the country." I put that one round in the mag, stuck the .40 in my holster, and headed out to my truck. I had the spot designated. I knew where I wanted to go. Some where far from my home and far from where anyone I loved would be the person to discover. But as I drove to the destination, a song came on the radio.. I believe it was "The call" by some Matt kennon guy. It was completely relevant if you've ever heard it. While I was on the way, a good friend from back in highschool called me. He said "hey man, that ride sounds relaxing, mind if I ride with you and smoke you up?" I tried to dodge him coming, but he wouldn't take no for an answer. So we took about an hour drive through the most beautiful scenery I've ever seen. The place I was headed to...it was the first time I looked around. I heard the birds chirping. Smelled the clean air, saw the green leaves everywhere.. everything seemed renewed. We talked the entire way, about everything that could be talked about...except why I'd take that ride alone. So flash forward about a month. We were out at the bar, after close we head to his house to smoke a couple bowls. In my drunken stupor I told him "you know.. I gotta thank you." He asked why. I told him "you saved my life not long ago"... I then played that song for him, the one that I heard on the way that day. He started to cry and told me "I know.. I know what you were going to do...that's why I wouldn't let you go alone." That meant more to me than any gift I've ever gotten. Ever since that day I've looked at life differently. I accept each day what its for, not what I expect out of it. I still have that .40 round. It'll never be shot. It wasn't meant to be shot. Thank you for reading anyone who took the time.
Touching story, glad to hear everything worked out for you. I would never consider actually committing suicide, but the thoughts crossed my mind. But sometimes I sit there and get to thinking about my situation. No girl (or history, for that matter), no job, no ambition, and a shitty school record. When I get to thinking about this shit, I just think "what if I just ended it all?", just so I didn't have to think about that shit anymore. Still wouldn't consider taking my life unless I end up on the streets.
[quote name='"BUDDAMUNK"']Touching story, glad to hear everything worked out for you. I would never consider actually committing suicide, but the thoughts crossed my mind. But sometimes I sit there and get to thinking about my situation. No girl (or history, for that matter), no job, no ambition, and a shitty school record. When I get to thinking about this shit, I just think "what if I just ended it all?", just so I didn't have to think about that shit anymore. Still wouldn't consider taking my life unless I end up on the streets.[/quote] You know, I was the same way. Always said I'd never do it. But I was finally ready. Oddly enough after that I completed college and work full time now. The whole situation really motivated me.
Pretty sure it has something to do with how much I smoke. When I smoked on weekends/few times a week, I was fine. In fact, I was happy and jolly and all that good shit. Then I started smoking all day everyday and almost 2 years later, here I am. I know some people will say "its only weed man", but it still messes with your brain, which is why people get these "anxiety attacks" when they smoke a lot. Maybe it's time for a T break Good thing I didn't get too much into harder shit like some people, otherwise I'd be a fucking wreck.
good story glad you're feeling better. I had a time not too long ago, probably 4 years maybe less, that i was ready to end it as well. at the time I worked in a 4 story bldg, and I would go up on the roof regularly to chill. I was having a fight with my then fiancé, and i had just opened up to him about some shit that I hadn't ever told anyone... and he called me crazy and said he didn't know what to do with me anymore... then he called his mom and told her everything and asked her to call me... I cried so hard, I couldn't believed that he just did't give a shit about what I had told him. I went out to the roof. and started to think of how peaceful it would feel to jump. I was so calm and ready. and then I remembered a good friend of mine was working that day, a paramedic, and I knew he would be the one called if I jumped. so I didn't...
I've pondered suicide on many occasions, this just so happens to be one of those occasions which is why I'm in this thread. I tried a little over 15 years ago hanging from a rope in my parents garage. Scared the shit out of me and that was when I realized I didn't have the balls to go through with it. Occasionally my long stent of depression and loneliness get to me, and the thoughts run through my head again, but then I always remember when I was a kid on a rope, and I still don't have the balls to go through with it. Plus, I think life is all about seeing if you tough enough to put up with all this bullshit until the very end... the dreaded "old age"
I'm too jaded at this stage of my life, no amount of ssri's or cognitive therapy is going to do shit for me, I've had my fair share of both, cognitive therapy is a joke and ssri's fix one problem while creating a whole slew of others. Just gonna do like I always do keep on plugging away at the ol 9 - 5, hopefully buy a beach front property and retire before I hit my 50's, what great fun. I've thought about it alot, two things keep me from doing it, not wanting to cause pain to my mom and girlfriend, and I have this thing about not wanting to seem weak to people, I'd rather just slog through the years taking the hits so I can say I'm not a bitch.
Bringin tears to my eyes man... I agree, that round wasn't meant to be shot. I've thought about it a few times but don't think I would ever actually do it. Life gets shitty sometimes but as long as I take action I feel I can make the most out of any situation. Persevere through struggles and ye will be rewarded.
Loneliness is actually a bigger killer than both Obesity and Smoking.. so I'm not surprised things worked out for you.. We need people.
I too considered suicide when I was around 14. I still lived with my father. he was a good father just very strict. For example I had to walk the dog for an hour and came home after 55 minutes so my father took my PlayStation. He said I wouldn't have it for a week. when I told him the dog wouldn't care about 5 minutes he doubled the ban.it ended with 3 months. Sounds like a dull example there were situations like that every day. Anyways I was close to it many times but in the last moment something in my head told me not to cause tomorrow would be better. And it has gotten better cause shortly after that I smoked my first weed. 6 years 4 care homes and 2 almost deadly accidents later I've come to terms with my father and my live and whenever I'm sick of it I just remind myself that if I'll die I won't see what happens tomorrow
Incredible story. Anytime I hear about suicide, whether it be someone random or someone I knew, it always breaks my heart just to hear/think about it. Similiar to others, it has crossed my mind and the whole "what if?" But as I continue to think about it, I realize how it is such a ridiculous & terrible idea and how many problems it would create. There are people in this world that need you more than anything and some of these people, you probably don't even know of the fact. Life is a beautiful gift, do not waste it, as when you persevere through the tiresome struggles, you will come out stronger.
A second longer snd u wouldve made the biggest mistake ever. ..Great story man. It makes u think. Life i mean