This is a completely serious post. Right now I am having a hard time in life, and I wanted to share this story. My father grew up in an abusive family. My grandfather was an alcoholic, cruel, and selfish. My grandparents divorced, and my father was left to raise himself. However, he did not wilt and live the life of an average person; he worked extremely hard, and still works extremely hard to this day. My father studied very hard in school and went to Stanford to study engineering. He got an extremely well paying job at a salary of 400,000 USD. He gives his work everything he has. He was also a very impressive tennis player and worked very hard at the sport to become good. However, he failed at being a father. He did not know what to do. There are times where I feel like me and my siblings were unwanted mistakes. My father never taught me anything, about how important an education is, how important it is to be passionate and try your hardest to take advantage of any opportunity. He did not have time or patience to raise me as a son. He is bipolar, has an anxiety disorder and was also abusive to me at times, making fun of me, calling me names, hitting me. I also inherited some of that bipolarness and anxiety in me. Now I am in college, and am having motivational problems. I know that if I worked hard, I could achieve a 4.0. However, I just feel dead inside. I never had a childhood, and my father never told me about what life is really about, that competition means everything and will determine your place in life. Only know have I realized that I wasted most of my life in useless things such as TV, video games. I never bothered to learn any special talents such as sports or music. I never tried hard in high school, just breezing through every day and receiving average grades. Achieving a high GPA and going to a good college takes something special, such as working extremely hard, desiring to be an exceptional student, trying to improve yourself as best as possible, or simply being a precocious person or a genius. I do not know my father very well even though I live with both my parents. We never talk much, as he is very moody and short tempered. "There is no pain you are receding A distant ship, smoke on the horizon. You are only coming through in waves. Your lips move but I can't hear what you're saying. When I was a child I had a fever My hands felt just like two balloons. Now I've got that feeling once again I can't explain you would not understand This is not how I am. I have become comfortably numb."
I feel ya bro, my dad was pretty much the same way and im un motivated and wasted alot of my time when i could be doing so much better with school