stoner accidents

tried to clean the dirty dishes with a vacum cleaner
very stupid don't try it you'll fry

 

The stupidest thing, huh?

Once, my co-worker and I were burning one out on the back patio (I work in a home)

Our extra staff person showed up (we saw her driving down to the house) so I went through the house and through the garage to unlock the door so she could come in.

Not even thinking about it I held my hit through the house and exhaled it in the garage (our smoking spot when it's too damned cold out).

Well, our relief staff never mentioned the funny smell, which meant I knew we were in trouble.

Which we were. The boss just talked to each of us and said that she knew it was being smoked, and that we'd not only get fired but she'd call the police if she caught us with it.

I just love companies that don't do drug testing!

Pretty stupid thing to do, though.



But I think the vacuum cleaner and the dishes might just outdo me. Unless you were using a wet-dry vacuum of course.



(Love the smiley site. Sure has changed!)

 

when i was about 13 a group of friends and I were smokin in my backyard when my mom came home early from work. We quickly threw all our shit into the bushes and downed a whole bottle of scope between the five of us before my mom even got thru the door....but somehow thru sheer stupidity i forgot the joint propped behind my ear like a cig...Guess what? mommy reminded me .

 

.....so I'll share this one.


Sittin out in the country getting blazed (none of us had our own place yet) we decided the munchies were upon us. So we headed for Macdonalds. Micky D's was still kinda new in our neck of the woods, and most of the town still thought of it as a fancy eating place. Yes, this was quite awhile back!

I did'nt realize how stoned I was until I got out of the car. Then I was certain that even the birds knew I was stoned! On top of that the place was packed.

I hate being in crowds when I'm buzzed, especially Macdonalds kind of crowds. But I could'nt sway everyone else away from it, so we went in. Standing elbow to elbow with a bunch of Southern Baptists is not a fun thing to do when you know your eyes are bloodshot, and you smell like a Mexican forest fire. I felt like everyone in the place was staring at me.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity I finally got to order. I gave them my money and got a BUNCH of coins back in change. As I crammed them in my pocket I forgot I had a big hole in it. My change went down my leg, hit the floor, and scattered in every direction thru the crowd! No way I was gonna get down on my hands and knees and crawl around looking for it. So I just acted non-chalant. After they handed me my food, I turned and started thru crowd, heading for the sanctuary of the car, when this big, preacher type looking dude caught me by the arm and said, "Sir, I believe you dropped your change."

I know I had to give him a look like a trapped animal, yanked my arm away, told him to keep it and headed for the car.

As I sat there waiting for my friends, who had decided to dine in, I got the feeling that all them people were sitting there watching me. I also had a feeling that I was probably the subject of a sermon the next Sunday!

 

smokinokie, you sound justa bit paranoid, hehe, but that wasn't too stupid.

The stupidest thing I ever did.... well...

After smoking a huge blunt with a few people I just met (I was on vacation) I decided I should start heading back to my building. Well, half way there, I was feelingreally trippy (might of been a light shrooms flash back, I had tripped the weekend before I left). Anyway, there were deer all around me (the pocanoes is full of stupid deer looking for food from people). So, being happy and enjoying myself, I sat down on a rock and lit up a joint (I always have a joint so that before I go home, I can smoke it, and feel good, and not act too stoned around my parents.. since for a half an hour to an hour after I smoke I'm normally in a really high, but aware mood... then I just slowely get a little tired and hungry...). Anyway, I took a few hits, was feeling good... but all the deer seemed to be coming towards me. I figured "haha, maybe they like the smell"... but out of fucking nowhere, this huge male deer comes right next to me, starts stamping its feet, and I turn around... there was like 4 or 5 new born deer behind me... aparrently their parents didn't like me hanging out neer their children. I fucking jumped over the car 10 feet in front of me, as this deer charged me.. the deer ramned the car.. and the alarm started going off. And about a block away, I could see the security car driving circles around the place. I ran fucking to my building, and as always, I kept hold of my joint.. even though I forgot about it. I get inside, I was running so hard (the deer and security kinda scared me when I had smoked that much) when I got in, I was breathing really hard.. woke up my parents... and as they opened their door I remembered the joint in my hand.. so I threw it under the chair I sat down in.... my parents went back to sleep.. when I said I was just geting back from a walk. I turn around, and the fucking rug went on fire! I put it out, and moved the chair over the burn so that you couldn't see it at all. Never got caught


Now, as for how I did get caught, well...

I got a 1/6 of an ounce of shrooms, that my friend had for like 4 months. There was only 1 cap in it!!! so I figured, WTF they can't be any good, so, I took them all. I smoked a joint (this was on halloween), and walked back to school (I have the last 2 periods off, thats when I did them).. I was supposed to meet my friends. I got in, about a minute before school was over, and everything was cool.. I was a litle paranoid (the trip was getting pretty intense, but it was still only 45 minutes into it). I was still ok. Then the bell rings, and the halls filled. Suddenly the halls started stretching, seeming longer and fucked up. I felt like I was dodging person after person, trying to get to the end of the hall. Didn't see any of my friends (was only in there for like a minute, I think... I was tripping, so who the fuck knows!). I had to leave, I went out, and sat on the bleachers for about 10 minutes. Still saw no one I reconized. I had my back pack on (I use it for my cd player, cds, and my bong) and it was bothering me. So, I figured I'd go home, drop it off, and come back out (I didn't want to be home when my parents got back). Well, the trip got much, mcuh more intense now. This trip as more intense then any I ever took (probably because I fasted for 2 days before the trip). I didn't know how much time had passed.. but I was trying to throw up... and well, looking down the toilet, the reflextion and shit made it like a "vortex"... I think I blacked out for a bit.. i have no idea how long. I was awackened by a friend of mine, who knew I was tripping, knocking on the door. All I remember hearing was "Hey bob, you ok?" I awackened slightly, and said "yeah"... when I' mtripping, I don't like to talk for some reason (well, only in thhe really intense part of it) so I was really just trying to end the conversation, not knowing what it was about at the time. eventually, I stood myself up, and walked out to my room (next to the bathroom)... I think some of my friends were there at that time.. but I dont remember for sure. I remember then, spinning or something, after I had picked up my quilt (dont know why, things were just happening), then, some of my other friends got there, they found me laying in my quilt on my floor, I remember seeing them, they "woke" me up (by that I mean, the whole time my eyes were open, but it all was a dream to me, with very small parts of reality appearing every now and then)... they were there for like 2 hours I think.. that time, I was just cmpletely out of it, I only remember seeign a few faces, and hearing a few voices. They put me in my couch, and threw my quilt over me, trying to get me in a "nattural" position, since my parents were getting home soon, and they really had to leave... I think they were really fucking scared.. but I dont know, this whole part was kinda a blur... anyway, the trip went on for another hour, some really crazy shit I can't explain happened, and then i remember things getting better and better and betetr (I dont know what it was, but I just felt like my whole being was getting better) this cept going till suddenly, I was overcome by the "information" and I think I started shaking and weird shit (like a seisure) then everything cleared, and ended in darkness, as if life was over, there was nothing, nothing at all. I remember feeling like life went to perfection, but all perfection was, was nothing. I was again brought back a bit form my trip by my parents coming in... I remember hearing things like "What the fuck did you take" and "What should we do"... I blacked out for a bit again, and was woken up by this HORRIBLE smell (amonia I think....) my parents had called 911 and they had came, and they woke me up with that sorta.. btu I went right back out... I remember seeing 5 big guys around me, and that smell, it was horrible, I didn't know what was happening (I didn't think this was actually happening, the whole time I thought it was a dream). I was then woken up when they were carrying me down the stairs outside.. the shaking, and the cold woke me up a bit. Blacked out again, wok up when they started poking me trying to get blood. the fucking pieces of shit emergency workers were making jokes, and arguing with me!! I rememebr hearing "what are you for halloweed Bill? a vampire?" and other shit. The needle hurt a lot, because they fucking poked me 6 times before they got the blood (fuckign morons!)... so that kept me awake for a few minutes (I still had no idea what was happening, and I wasn't responding.. .wthis whole story is just the few parts I can rememebr now). Blacked out again, woke up in the hospital, they were telling me I had to piss in that container... well, it took atleast a half an hour before I finally noticed what was happening. I figured the best thing to do was not talk (since I knew I was going to be fine, and that I didn't want to get in extreme trouble). I shook my head to a few questions and kept just laying back, closing my eyes and listening a bit (pretending I was asleep again). Then they got really pushy, telling me I had to pee, threating to stick a tube in my dick (which, from what they said, really hurts a lot)... I had just gained enough consciousness to piss a little bit, Just in time! They made me stay over night because I wouldn't tell them what I did... I heard my parents saying they found my 2 pipes, my bong, a ton of rolling papers, and a small amount of weed. So, before the tests got back, i said "All I did was weed"... well, the first test came back.. all negative! (not even the weed showed up the first time, even though I smoke daily).. I kept my story "all I did was weed"... I then finally got to go to sleep, at like 2 in the morning in the hospital. they woke me up at like 6, telling me I had to pee again. i did, this time the pot showed.. but since they dont test for shrooms, hat didn't. Doctors after doctor came in, asking me the same questions "What did you do? how much?... how often?" etc. I kept saying "I smoked 1 joint with 2 people, it was just pot, and I onl;y smoke 2 or so times a month"... i said that to all the social workers too. So finally, after thy found absolutely nothing, they let me out. And thats pretty much the end... and thats how my parents first caught me... heh, but they caught me when I was on the different drug... kinda funny. Never got caught for the shrooms neither!

Anyway, its getting late here, so, I'm going to go smoke, and goto sleep. Happy smoking!

 

This story is about my mate Bill. Bill was my best mate and my smoking buddy.

Bill arrived at my place, we had a session and headed out to pick up another mate before going to a party. Stoned as, we jumped in Bill's car, crank the tunes and went into town. Cruising down the road we passed some copper's, we slowed down not wanting to bring attention to ourselves. Bill pulled up at and intersection with a 'stop sign'. We waited and we waited. I looked down the road left and right, not a car in sight. I asked Bill what we were waiting for. He simply replied 'for the lights to turn green'!!

 

Smokie, you better read this!

I took the family down to the lake last year in may. Since may 19th is my birthaday i celebrated with a couple of joints before doing some fishing. me and a goood friend of mine put our kids on his pontoon and me him took my pontoon out. While we were out on the lake, we decide to smoke a couple more. About an hour later we went back to the cabin for some munchies. Well the wives and kids are still out on the lake but not far from where the dock was. I got on the WRONG fucking pontoon and went out to were the wives and kids were. My friend followed out in my toon (with the owner of the pontoon that I mistaken for mine. I appologised so much to that man. He was going to call the cops. If my friend hadn't talked him out of it, well you know how that story would have turned out.

My wife still doesn't like to go to that lake anymore. The kids still make fun of me when i get on to them for doing some thing wrong.

Funny thing was the guy who owned the pontoon I took, was waving and yelling at me. I thought he was being friendly so I waved back and wished him good luck on his fishing.

 

You are'nt by some chance related to my wife are you?

She has the same problem with automobiles!

Thanx for the laugh!

 

That was one of those days. Just a little tooooooostoooonned!hahahahaha

I hope that never happens again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

The biggest stoner "accident" i had was at the mall, i couldn't even remember where i parked!
my friend and i had been wandering through the mall for awhile, got bored and decided to go back to her place to smoke more. alas we were stoned enough, we eventually had to get one of those security nerds drive us around until we saw our car - the worst thing was we had already walked down that row and didn't even see it!

then the other time my friend who grows had a bake party, and we all baked a a couple ounces of shake into a batch of brownies. they were so supa intense we couldn't even drive, but my friend and i felt like we were staying "too long". so we left the house but were way too high to drive, and passed out in my car on the street for a COUPLE HOURS. We woke up b/c my friend was knocking on the window going "hey, you could have stayed! if i had known yuo were out here i would have made you come back in" we were so baked we thought he wanted us to leave so he could crash, but he really was wondering why we left so soon!

and that, my friends is why they call me ~~ super dork ~~

 

Burn nose hairs by lighting something that was too short.

Getting the giggles during a lap dance at a strip joint.

Taking the family out to eat on a special occasion and forgetting the wallet, thus making my wife buy her own birthday meal. !!Serious Fuck Up in my house!!!

Constantly starting the car again even though its already running and hearing that grinding screech from the starter.

Walk out of bar in a very uptight conservative southern town and light a joint while a cop is driving up to check out the bar. The wife screams at me the whole way home telling me that this is not New Orleans and I had better start to think or go to jail.

Smoking a joint in an alleyway in New Orlens because you see cig butts on the ground, and then find out its the smoking area for the police station.

Running up the driveway to the mailbox (500 feet) in my white boxers and white t shirt humming the theme to "Chariots of Fire".

Is this enough?I could write here for days on end. The good thing is, they all seem funny later on after the fact don't they.

 

BPP, you are right! We could fill this board to the max if we give all the stoner accidents we have had!

 

dropping a burning roach on my pants and being to lazy to pick it up while it burned through my pants, boxers and eventually reached my sac..... the pain.

 

once after a large stoner party I was walking across this field. I saw a car park and sit with the lights on. I thought it was a cop so I piched me stash and pipe. I exited the field and found it was a girl going home. the next day me and a friend spent 3 hours looking for the stuff. we found it at last and smoked it in the field.
that was a close one. It was an 1/2 oz.

 

LOL at all of you..
BPP did you get caught by the police either time or did you escape just in the nick of time?? Also, running to the mailbox in boxers humming like that hahaha what a site your neighbors must have had!!

One thing I do regularly is make stupid sounds to trip out my cat, like when I'm stirring something or pouring juice, I go *glub glub glub* and I can go on for HOURS... *blerwp blip bloop* all kinds of dorky sounds, and I *have* gone on for hours.

Listening to Phishhead belt out Grateful Dead and giggling incessantly in the shower (our neighbors can hear us thru the vents) is the best thing in the world though ~!! don't tell him i said anything!!

ouch on the burning joints/coals in the sack! owwee! i have a couple scars on my leg from when i had my one-hitter not a fun experience!