Has anyone here ever succeeded at this ? Tell me your experience. I have failed pretty bad at it. Has just created an environment where I can't be happy for more than 8 hours in a row...I say that in a literal way.
I left the bitch and took my kids with me. No way they were growing up like that and they're better for it. Its been almost 9 years since me or my boys saw her. My youngest doesnt even know her or how bad of a fk up she is. She wasnt when i met her, a situation happened and she changed. All it would of taught them was to grow up and be miserable had we kept going around that shit circle . I have this rare thing called self respect and a back bone. Not many do these days. I woukd rather my kids learn to be happy, then learn to be miserable. They learn from us. I don't respect people who suffer through life with out changing for the better just because they think they should, are to scared to be alone or are just plain pussy whipped. Great way to raise messed up kids that follow in your footsteps and end up in shit relationships because that's what mommy and daddy did..
Grats man. I wish I could do that...but it isn't going to happen. She I actually have respect for your thoughts on this, but it's not always that simple, at least for some of us. My thing was that I wanted my kids to know their mom and dad in the same home. I had that as a kid and want my kids to have the same thing. Sadly, their mom is an idiot who I cannot hold a conversation with without getting furious about something. But things are kinda becoming clear now. It's not sustainable for us to live together. Not that she could move out right now, but at least I know it's something that is being worked towards. Of course if I have to put some other man in the dirt because of my kids, maybe it will have been worth it to try and stay together... Man, the stories I could tell ya'll about the shit I've been through and done, for this women. S.M.F.H.
In any situation, I don't think it's healthy for children to grow up in an environment where the parents are always at odds with each other. Yes, it is good for children to grow up in a household with both of their parents. But the parents must love and respect each other. Otherwise, kids are just going to learn how to be hateful and bitter. Not good developmental skills for future adults, IMO... I wish you all the best. It's definitely not the best of life experiences that you're dealing with.
It's great for kids to live with both parents if both parents are in a happy healthy relationship. Parents who drag their kids through a shit marriage/relationship are just damaging their kids. Plus giving them false hope and the wrong ideas of how relationships should be. So let's say you too stayed together. This is what they're going to see....daddy getting furious everytime he deals with mommy.....You'll end up looking like shit no matter how that plays out. You either look like shit for treating mommy like shit...or you look like shit because you suffer through a shit relationship everyday.... There's another very important form of respect I forgot to mention besides self respect....the respect of your children. Children don't respect daddies that get furious with mommies. I've been there. I married a nightmare. My youngest son was born positive for several things we can't mention on gc. Hes perfectly fine. For every story you have I bet I have 10. Our 1st son's birth was great. Something i wont discuss happened to her outside of my control after his birth, nightmare began. She was back and forth from good to bad. I regret dragging my oldest son through the ups and downs....then things started going great, she got pregnant, things went bad. I'm not going into detail, keeping it short...I was done torturing my son and now eventual sons... I didn't leave for me I left for them. I got custody of my 1st son while she was pregnant with my 2nd. I did everything I could to make sure my unborn son was safe but a child has no rights until they're born. I got a call at 3am saying she was 4 hours away hadn't seen her in months , water broke, 3.5 months early.... the Dr's kept him in her belly for 22 days somehow because he was too early. I didn't even know that was possible. I stayed at the hospital 24/7 telling her whatever she needed to hear to keep her their. 1 day I didn't tell her enough and she snuck out of the hospital and messed up again. I won't say what I did to find her or how I got her back to the hospital. They gave her a c section that day. I had a restraining order within minutes of his birth thanks to dcfs and my attorney. I had full custody, no visitation for her with either my boy's the following morning. You might think your ex or soon to be is an idiot but that's because you don't get along. She probably thinks the same of you. ...my ex on the other hand is considered a full fledged idiot by everyone she meets. Last I heard about her was when the feds came knocking at my door looking for her a few years ago. Only selfish patents torture theis kids and put them through hell. Look bro I came from an awesome family. My 2 parents were high school sweethearts. I don't ever remember them fighting ever. My dad was an asshole to people he needed to be too but my mom was everything to him and vice versa. That's the kind of relationships kids need to see. You and me couldnt do that. But there's something we can do....we can give them a great life and if a healthy relationship comes around we can show them how it is to be like my parents. I've been exactly where you are bro. I doubted myself but that was just me being selfish. Dragging kids through shit is as selfish as it gets.
Growing up I had two friends whose parents were just staying together for their benefit. Neither case seemed to work out well. They were stuck in a house with people fighting constantly and as one friend said to me in tears she couldn't stand being around two people she loved who were always miserable because of her. It didn't seem like a great idea. I guess it can work if the parents fully commit to the whole phoney happy family illusion.
Happiness is subjective to be honest. I know nothing about you or your situation so there is no way I could say whether or not you should stay or go. I lived with my husband for many years and thought myself "unhappy." I had a man who loved me, two beautiful sons, a nice home, a good job and anything that most people think should or would make them happy. But I wasn't. I found in the end that you can never be happy with anyone else until you're happy with YOURSELF first. But the only thing that saved our marriage was turning it over to God and relying on him for strength...which we did...and it worked like a charm and we've now been married for almost 31 years. I am proud of that too. Times are never good all the time. Life is like a wave and you can count on major fluctuations. But you also know the situation like no one else. I do encourage you try. I don't believe God puts 2 people together to have it break apart. The key is letting Him into the situation! Best of luck to you guys! TWW
My parents did, I also grew up with miserable parents who constantly wanted to ruin each other, and transferred to me and my brother very often. It's not for the kids that's bullshit. It was so tense growing up and put me Ina very confusing state of mind in my early teens and a angry little fella. I moved out when I was 17. Done with that buuuuullshit Also confuses the living shit out of a young mind on what love really is. When the two idols in your life, claim they love each other but you observe them to find the exact opposite. Sent from my iPhone using Grasscity Forum
My parents did too, and so when I became a dad, even though there were issues between me and her mum, and you could say we stayed together to give her a stable and supportive place to grow up, even though we weren't really getting on so well, we still managed that quite well all told. Yes, would 've been better if there were no issues, but how many relationships have no issues? We're still growing and evolving ourselves, dealing with the challenges of relationship, and the past that can affect things so much. So you do your best. It helps that we both made it about our daughter and never about us, so that she was always loved and felt it.
I wouldn't do it, you're not only ruining your own self happiness, you're being selfish with a wife that maybe does or does not feel the same way and being lied too? Kids growing up that see parents who truly don't love each other make them grow up cold and probably will suffer mental health problems or become emotionally indifferent. They may also grow up to do the same thing you do, do you wish that life on them? It'll be hard at the start, but worth it all around. You're all victims in this, you, her, the kids, and you're the one allowing it to carry on. You want to all be victims now? Or 5...10...15... years down the line? Time to leave buddy. Sorry for ya, but trust me. The best thing for anyone to do, is usually the hardest route to take, Harder short term, but better long term! (I may have the situation all wrong, if i do my bad)
This. I've witnessed far too many shitty couples who don't seem to get this. People think "staying together for the kids" means "We can kill each other as a toxic family, just as long as we are staying together". That is not the case. IF you're staying together, then it is understood that it will be a sane and child-beneficial environment. If that is not possible as a bare minimum of child rearing conditions, then the couple should not be together. The child is not being done any favors growing up around two adults who hate each other and fight.
Are you leaving for another woman? If you are I'd think twice. Don't walk out on your kids for pussy.
Why does it matter whose situation is "worse?" Who are you to tell someone that they have "no backbone or self respect" when you're leaving VERY conspicuous parts out of your *own* story which highly suggest that you're leaving out the full truth? The OP explained his situation. You said "trust me. You have no idea how bad it can get. Get a backbone and some self respect. But I'm not gonna tell you how bad it could get." Unless you're willing to tell your full story, don't assume you know those of others... Sent from my iPhone using Grasscity Forum