okay. as the title reads. Just got into a huge fight with my dad and almost punched his teeth in. My dad is an alcoholic and I am getting so tired of it. He tries to throw shit in my face everytime I try to calmly talk to him man to man about things. Earlier this weekend me and my family had some family friends over and we were playing cards. my dad being the drunk he is decided to throw a hissy fit. so after acting like a child(he's 50) he decided to storm upstairs to his room and leave everyone feeling uncomfortable downstairs. Mostly offended was my grandfather(who just lost his wife my grandma in sept. ) So my grandfather was pissed at my dad and hasn't come over for three days(he comes over every night for dinner since my gma passed) I tried to explain why to my dad why my grandfather was so upset. I approached him calmly and told him man to man why he was upset with him. My dad decides to get stupid and starts screaming at me "Fuck that" "This is my house'' " He can be as mad as he wants" "I don't give a fuck if he doesn't want to except my apology" He said some other stuff but you get the point. So at this point I get really fucking pissed and we start arguing. He gets in my face and I turn red from being so mad. If I wasn't high I woulda punched his fucking teeth in. He's always on my back about not having a job( I had a job up until my grandma passed and before that I was pretty much steadily working(im 21) since age 16). I had a couple of bad years the last few years and once in a while i get depressed and just quit work because I don't feel myself. he always brings this up and throws in my face how much of a fuck up I am. I guess I just needed to vent. Im so pissed and tired of him being such an asshole to me. I do the best I can to keep my mouth shut but we blow up like this every few months. i want my dad to stop drinking because he's an asshole when he drinks.
I feel you man, my dad's a dick... All i can do about it is move out, which i plan to do as soon as i get some cash flow ;p Try an intervention?
yea alcohol is a stupid drug it fucks up alot of family's I've been struggling with alcohol for awhile I just can't have one drink, i have to drink till I can't stand Alcohol has been the most detrimental drug to my family, even more than my short run with crack cocaine.
Dads bipolar as fuck over here...Can't stand him.... I know what you mean about trying to talk to him.They only listen to what they want to hear nothing else...stay strong brah
Yea bro I know how you feel. My dad drinks alot too. He missEd his an my moms anniversary an I flipped shit yo. He is the biggest asshole.
My dads a douche but mostley to my mom. I just realy want to tell my mom to divorce him because she seems so unhappy here. So i know how you feel.
I know. Which is why I try not to stay mad. But if your not happy and wanna change like he says and doesn't get help than thats when I get mad. Iv'e been staying with my grandfather almost every night since my grandmother passed. He hasn't lived alone since he was born. He met my grandmother when they were 10 and 11 respectively and married her when he was 19. Iv'e been filling out applications but its hard when Im with him all the time and stuff.
Man, try not to be down. Family issues like that suck. But although he is your father and there is no room for him to justify excessively drinking, when YOU don't like it, you have to still see where he is coming from. This whole time I've been having problems with my mother and its only until I broke down to my father (I never talk to him closely, my parents are divorced), and he made me see where she's coming from with her behavior. Although none of it is right, it helps you understand. Im guessing this grandfather is obviously the father of your dad... So while your grandfather lost a wife, I'm sure that your dad lost a mother. It is hard for people to cope with such an incident. If his drinking started before, he may have past childhood issues. It's strange but our parents usually never allow us (their kids) to hear their serious troubles from their past. My father just plain and simply told me "I've been through so much shit in my whole life that is way worse than anything, trust me, so just talk to me, let it out". I'm just saying your father obviously had troubles in his past and this is his way to cope. Whenever I would try speak to my mother, she would literally make fun of me for coming to tears (because of all the frustration), telling me to grow up and get out. I couldn't get through to her. But a letter can get through to them better. Trust me. Sometimes, in the moment, they don't have time to fully comprehend what you mean, especially if your father is drunk. He will have a physical copy of your words, and they will mean more to him because he is taking time to read it and focus. Hope it all works out dude. Condolences to your family for your loss, but stay up.
You sound like a good guy, respectful, and your dad is acting like a child. He's going to need to stop drinking on his own, you should help him, but don't get yourself hurt or let your emotions get clouded in the process. I guess that's all the advice I have, mostly I just felt compelled to give you props for behaving the way you did, trying to do the right things, while knowing he's probably had a big influence on your life and upbringing. Just stay strong for your family, be a man when he can't, love him, and try not to let him get to you.
My dad drinks too. I wouldn't say he's an alcoholic but I always see him drinking. I know he's unhappy and he fights with my mom ALL the time. I fucking hate it. He acts like a child and the way he talks to my mom is horrible. I had a few close calls with him when I was younger. Just keep your head up man and sorry for your loss.
I feel you man, my dad used to be drunk everyday, days on end, as soon as he woke up that can would be to his mouth untill he went to bad, and repeat for DAYS, he used to abuse my mother all the time, for nothing, used to make all us kids 5 of us, well 4 i was only about 2 or 3 at the time, get in a line and beat them all with a belt for no reason. Alcoholism runs in my family, and my mom hates me drinking because of it, she gets pissed at me if i drink at all even once a month because what she went through and she doesnt want that to ruin my life, alcohol is fucked up, im willing to bet anything if my dad was a pothead he wouldnt of come home and beat my mother, or my brothers and sisters with a belt for NO REASON.
Seriously man.. I can't believe alcohol is legal over marijuana. It's like.. When I smoke.. I can become the most loving person. Like my dog is suddenly my life and I can play with him for hours and he loves it! And we feel happier around people. I mean I have no history of alcoholism in my own family, and I hardly drink, but when I do, there are some days I can't explain that.. it just makes my mind angry. Frustrated. I'll snap quickly. Weed though... well.. this smiley says it all:
dude, i feel your pain. my father has an alcohol problem as well, has for my whole life. the most unfortunate thing about a situation like that is that they don't really realize how their actions effect the people around them. like someone else mentioned, he probably does have his own reasons for drinking. i'm not saying it excuses his actions, but it would help explain them. i remember one time when i was in high school my father was driving me to work. earlier that day i found out a kid i went to school with was hit head on by a drunk driver and killed. as my father was driving he cracked open a beer and poured it in a cup. i asked him why he would drink and drive especially with a. his daughter in the car and b. after i told him about the kid i knew dying because of a drunk driver. he looked me square in the eye and said, "i'm drinking because i'm hurting." i'll never forget that moment for as long as i live. my father's not that type to share his emotions. i don't remember ever seeing him cry, so to hear him just flat out say that was really intense. i'm not a substance abuse specialist, but most people i know (my father included) abuse drugs because they are depressed or in the midst of an emotional upheaval of sorts. it's easier to run from the problem or mask it with getting high/drunk all the time then it is to deal with it. by drinking to cover up whatever issues he has, he is really just creating a personal hell for himself that can be hard to get out of because, like i said, it's easier to put a band-aid over the problem rather than face it head on. chances are the pain you feel when you're on the receiving end of his tantrums, he's probably feeling the same. the fact of the matter is until he is ready to a. confront whatever demons are haunting him and b. be willing to stop using alcohol as a crutch to get through the day, he won't quit. you know how they say you can't help a person until they're ready to be helped and sometimes a person has to hit rock bottom before they get better? well, most of the time it's true. unless he's willing to help himself, there's not much of anything anyone else can do for him. sometimes a person has to hit the bottom before they can start climbing back up. it's unfortunate, but in a lot of cases it's true. the only real bit of advice i can give you is to concentrate on you. i'm not saying just abandon him, but if you feel his drinking is effecting you (which it may be) talk to someone about it. some people may think the only person who suffers in a situation like this is the person who has the addiction, but the people around them suffer tremendously as well. don't allow yourself to become a casualty of his addiction. i dug around for some links that may help you in terms of living/dealing with a parent with an alcohol problem. some of them are geared towards younger people (children/teens), but i think the information is extremely helpful whether it's your mother or father. hopefully these a help: Alcoholic Families - Support for Friends and Families of Alcoholics Get Your Freedom Back While Living With an Alcoholic Mother How to Deal with an Alcoholic Family Member | Drug Addiction Treatment Blog Coping With an Alcoholic Parent How to Deal with an Alcoholic Family Member - Associated Content from Yahoo! - associatedcontent.com sorry for the novel. hopefully this helps. just hang in there!
that's shitty man, i'm sorry. alcohol really does ruin people. my uncle is in rehab right now for it... that kind of stubbornness really seems to be common amongst alcoholics and other addicts.
have you ever heard a smile is contagious? well i feel the same is true about all emotions and actions. you need to bring out the emotions for the conversation. you need to go at him as sad/heartbroken/scared/worried/puppy dog eyed/hopefuly/and of course loving that he knows he needs to stop. talk about his past with him without bring it up. because as someone else said the problem for drinking is usually current problems/past problems which cause depression. "whatever your reason for drinking is dad it doesn't matter anymore, it's all in the past. then you have to talk about the future and what there is to look forward to in life. people who have depression in general look at the past/present only and "how bad" it is (and if they look toward the future it is negative). let him know all the fun he can still have, what he can see, where he can go. just a few things off the top of my head - washington DC - jimi hendrix's(acutally anyone) memorial - sky dive - sail/sail trip - shoot a gun (come on every guy wants to!) - learn an instument/play a gig - smoke weed (acutally what if you slipped him a brownie and "charles manson'd" him if you know what i'm saying if you don't let me know it's an idea that popped in my head after this one actually haha) - see a band live - make a movie - amusement parks - mexico - cruise - jamaca mon - ride your bike as far as you can i spent like 1 min making that list and the best part is, it's endless. there is so much to do in this world and you have to make him understand that. all in all though the hardest part about this shit and life, is not everyone can break the vicious cycle. at some point you have to let go(IMO). if your dad wants to live his life like that you can't let him bring you down. you have to tell him you're leaving, not gonna call, not gonna give him money, not gonna have anything to do with him until he's ready to help himself. the ultimate ultimadum, a father losing his son and he can get him back.. comforate him about his mother. how she may be gone for now but for now she lives in our hearts until the day we meet again. i know if my mom died i'd probly hit the bottle a little harder.
Thank you EVERYONE for sound advice and not jumping the gun and saying anything hurtful or stupid. I love my dad. I feel really bad that we got into a screaming match and I almost hit him. I don't like being angry. I love to be happy.(im a pot head after all). I know that I also got out of control after he got into my face and said stuff that I shouldn't have. i can't say that I know why he drinks because even though I enjoy an occasional drink im not an alcoholic. I just want my dad back. Im going to take advice from everyone and roll it into one big idea. Thanks blades for being the best group of people in the internetz. We should def. start a support group of sorts for anybody on here dealing with the same sort of issues. I feel so much better (not that other people are in the situation) but I feel better knowing that there are other people out there and they know how i feel. Im 21 and I feel like a lost soul.