someone i never knew...

Discussion in 'Pandora's Box' started by Thewastedyouth, Feb 20, 2012.

  1. My dad killed himself when i was young, too young to remember him. I found out that it was suicide around 8 years ago, but never knew he left a suicide note.

    After finding this out recently, i read it, and a newspaper article about his death.

    Whenever i go to his grave i feel no emotion toward him.

    But now ive found out, he had been cheating on my mother. It is well documented my hatred of cheating on here, so to find out my own father did is fucked up.

    It seems strange to be saying this, but i can have no respect for a man who leaves behind a wife who he had cheated on, and 2 young children to take his own life.
     
  2. He was a hurting person my friend.Sometimes some people don't know how to handle their emotions.You shouldn't get upset or angry about this.We are all confused trying to figure out this crazy thing I like to call physicality.

    Shit ain't easy when we have been manipulated and left for nothing but someone elses property.Sending love your way my friend.Life today on this planet can be rough.Don't let it get you down much we all are going through things right now.
     
  3. I would never say i hate him, just what i know of him.

    Theres no anger or supressed feelings about the situation from me though, perhaps when i was younger it could have caused some problems, but definetily not now.

    According to all the 'cuttings' that i was showed, he was going through what is defined as a mid life crisis+depression.

    Thanks for the good will my friend.
     
  4. Sending more positive vibes your way bro.This bowls for you
     
  5. post the suicide letter...
     

  6. Go read kurt cobains, im not your puppet :)
     
  7. Eh, that sort of stuff is interesting to some people. It's not about being their "puppet"

    And man do you not know what it's like to fuck up once in a while? If he was cheating on his wife then he was doing something wrong, but you don't know how he felt about what he had done. It's, in my opinion, hard to judge somebody over an action when you never knew them and never got any insight at all about how they felt afterwards.

    Your dad lived a life, and when you do that you fuck up and do shitty things sometimes. Everybody does something incredibly fucked up at some point in their life. For you to judge somebody to the point of saying "I can't respect them" based on ONE thing they did in their whole life... man that doesn't make sense
     

  8. In relation to the puppet post, royce4weed2012 hasnt tried to post anything insighhtful, just asked me to post the letter for his entertainment, thats why im not his 'puppet'!

    I understand that i didnt know him, but when he had a child less than a year before he took his own life (aka me) and already had an 8 year old, i cannot respect him for making that decision. I would not have children if i were planning to do such a thing, yet less than a year after my birth he had gone.

    PLUS he cheated. I cant condone any person doing that, so i have a right to choose how much respect ive got for someone who has done that to my mother...
     
  9. The dead have their stories, but they have no one to speak it for them. We the living are speakers for the dead. Whether or not we choose to tell the truth behind these stories is up to us. Sometimes it is better to forgive than to forget. But then there are times when it is also better to forget than to forgive at all.
     
  10. #10 Mogwai, Feb 22, 2012
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 22, 2012
    Yeah, he was a parent and that's quite a responsibility.. but to take his life, his mind must have been really depressed/out there. Somebody doesn't just decide to kill themselves while in a perfectly "normal and sane" state of mind (99.999% of the time anyway). You can't really hold him to standards of your reasoning and logic because, while he normally probably would see what you mean, he just wasn't "thinking" right. Chances are he was depressed, and depression really changes how you see yourself and the world around you. It has such a drastic effect that it really distorts your judgement and reasoning, but people hardly ever notice it happening to them. I think you should cut him some slack, because he probably wasn't thinking right when he did it because he was so depressed.

    Yeah man, he cheated. You don't know the details surrounding the situation though, do you? I mean, if you don't, does that matter? I guess, to you, probably not, because principles are principles and I understand where you'd be coming from if you said it didn't matter.. but in my opinion, I think it does matter. But you likely wont ever get said details, so it's not worth stressing over.

    Cheating IS wrong though.. It's one of the things I'm most against. There's no reasonable excuse for it, and it's a very very shitty thing to do to somebody. It's fucked up.. I've always felt like that since I was old enough for my mind to start wandering into such topics.

    But about 6-7 (I'm 22 now, I was 15 then) years ago my parents got a divorce because my dad suspected my mom was cheating on him. I guess we'll never know for sure (well my mom will haha, but that's it). She swears she didn't, but there was decent evidence to say she was. A part of me says yeah, she did... and a part of me wants to believe her, and say she didn't. Ultimately though I do not and will not ever know.

    ANYWAYYY, when that all went down and the divorce started, I was pretty pissed at both my parents. It came out that my dad did shitty things too (not cheating, but shitty things I wont detail) that I also find to be morally fucked up. I was also fairly sure my mom cheated on my dad, and that was fucked up. A big part of me wanted to be all "fuck these people, they're wrong. Do they really expect continued respect from me?".

    I held it against them for a year or two, and cut my relationship with each of them a fair bit. Looking back though I can tell I was so wrong in doing so. Like I said before, you just can't judge somebody based on one action they made that was wrong. We all fuck up. I know my situation is different than yours because my dad is still alive... but that's only so much of an important detail, and either way the same principle applies. I just don't think you should hold it against the guy personally. If you want to, then yeah go ahead and do it.. but you're only hurting yourself.

    I say "hurting" anyway, though I guess you probably don't see it as that. I mean, I don't know you so I dunno how your head works and shit.. but chances are you'd be happier if you came to forgive your dad and find respect for him.

    And really, you gotta understand that your parents had their own life, you know? It's hard to explain what I mean. You can't just judge them based on the relationship they had with eachother.. and sometimes people cheat because they sincerely feel trapped, and feel as if hiding another relationship is the only way to be happy without hurting somebody they do care about. Your dad could have very well be in such a situation. You can say "yeah, but that's ignorant. Just be straight up and honest" but that's hard for some people in some situations. You don't know how your dad's mind worked, and in his head he could have been doing what he sincerely thought what was best for him and the rest of the family. He may have done something wrong, but maybe he was just trying to be happy himself without hurting anybody? Can you fault him for that? I guess you could, but is that really worth losing all respect over?
     
  11. i never knew my father, or if he is alive today. be grateful to be alive right now. the past is in the past, he made independent decisions that can't be changed now. you must look for the positives in life every day. so join me, take a fat rip :bongin:
     

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