Some People Are so fucking Heartless - R.I.P

Discussion in 'Real Life Stories' started by Jesse, Jan 25, 2015.

  1. yada yada I'll skip the BS
     
    I haven't spoke to my dad since I was 8. It's been a long 10 years.
     
    Anyway tomorrow 26th of January is my Grandmas birthday and also Australia Day. Anyway we go see her in the nursing home today as we have done for the last 5 years. We get there and shes not in her normal room, so my brother goes to the front desk and asks...Immediately I knew what was up. I always get these weird feelings and I knew this was one of them.
    My brother comes back crying, it's pretty obvious she has died. We go to the desk again and ask when she passed. September 11th. Been 4 months and we didn't know.
     
    My dad didn't even send us a text or ring us let alone tell us in general. So we missed her funeral and apparently he got her cremated so we couldn't visit her grave.
     
    I'm an emotional person, if I feel sad I cry, I don't give a fuck. Right now I just feel weird, not a single tear. Just hard to believe someone could be so heartless.
     
    Oh well. There it is.
     
    R.I.P Grandma, you survived 3 heart attacks and a sniper bullet from WWII.
     
    Happy Australia days guys, cause I know mines going to be shit.

     
  2. I am so sorry for that happening. May you find comfort during this difficult time.
     
  3. R.I.P. Don't let it bring you down, she wouldn't have wanted it that way. feel better mate
     
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F7letrMf_nE
     
  4. Holy... your grandmother sounds like the type of woman death would be afraid of.

    I thank her for her service and may she rest in peace.
     
  5. #5 AlexJacK, Jan 25, 2015
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 25, 2015
    What a cunt.
     
  6. She didn't serve she was in Germany when the Nazi's were doing there thing. Never really asked about it she didn't like to talk about it obviously
     
  7. so sorry to hear, my condolences
     
  8. #8 BloodBooger, Jan 27, 2015
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 27, 2015
    Sounds like your FAMILY is in crisis....not even considering your Grandma who lived and died alone, far away from everyone, in a "home". Maybe you should man up and take control of rebuilding what is left of "your family"...build on what there is...cause it sounds like what there is now is shit. Our old people should be cared for AT HOME...and by that I mean in OUR HOUSES, close to family...so that all that went before is not forgotten. That old woman probably held you as a Baby and felt love looking, smelling and touching you...changed your shitty diapers...she lived a long life and in the end was abandoned to live out her days around strangers.....that just sucks. We, as a people (getting away from you specifically here) need to care more about our old people...sure, it might be a pain in the ass feeding them, making sure they dont run out in the street naked shouting obscenities at the Postman or some other crazy shit..but they ARE family and thats just a burden we all should take seriously.
     
    I'm really sorry for your loss. I have lost all of my grands, and now my Parents so I know how empty that can make you feel...but for Fucks sake, imagine how lonely she must have felt so far away from everyone that once cared for her..all she was...all she had. We really shouldnt take that away from them when they become unable to care for themselves. Let them have the love of family right up till the last day. Its coming for us all.
     
  9. I feel for u but come on now dude u don't have to make him feel worse just because you lost all your older relatives. If he's under 25 why the fuck should he have to watch his grandma? He probably had no choice in the matter seeing as he went to visit her for her bday (which is kinda sad he didn't talk to her in 4months) but still maybe they weren't that close? Seeing how he isn't close with his pops.. When it comes to grandparents it'd their kids responsibility to take care of them.. Not the grandkids we have it hard enough trying to find work and living on our own since there is still 80 year olds taking up the good jobs in the work force. If my grandma was I'm bad health I wouldn't leave her at my house all alone while I slaved a 8-6 job or longer no fuckin way.. Ur just screaming life alert or broken hip fallen down the steps

    Don't judge someone's situation unless you know every detail about them..

    I do agree I think nursing homes are fucked.. My great grandpa was living with his son (my grandfather) and my grandma up until his alzheimer got worst and come the 2nd time he tried to beat my grandma is when my grandfather decided to out him in a nursing home.. They get somewhat better care than someone that's 24 can do by themselves just put yourself in someone else's shoes before u berate them..
     
  10. #10 BloodBooger, Jan 27, 2015
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 27, 2015
    Who's berating who? Is it this guys "responsibility" to take care of his grandma or grandpa? No, it was his Dads, Mothers responsibility...and I dont remember hearing a damn thing about Alzheimers till you brought it up. Of course, if deep medical care is needed and GrandPa has "left the building" what does it matter who takes care of "the body". But if Grannie or Grandad is just OLD and requires someone to cook, do their laundry and provide shelter for them then it IS the Familys responsibility..unless they just dont give a damn. There isnt a chance in HELL that shipping them off to live in a HOME away from their family is a better alternative. And to add to that..IF you believe it IS, then YOU are part of the problem. I would imagine that an old family member would much rather sit on the sofa of HIS HOUSE, surrounded by memories of HIS LIFE close to HIS FAMILY while "you went out to work" than sit around a bunch of old dying people in a strange place...forgotten and lonely to be visited "once a year" on this anniversary or that. How you like those "shoes"?
     
    But allow me to REPEAT something for YOU because it seems you missed it the first time around: Is it the grandchilds duty to take care of his grandparents? NO...let me repeat...NO. I said and I'll say again, it is the child of the Grandparents responsibility...HIS DAD and MOM. And, depending on the maturity of the said "25 year old" it would ethically become his responsibility to take care of said grandparent if that grandparent wasnt being taken care of responsibly.
     
  11. #11 mp500, Jan 27, 2015
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 27, 2015
    I agree, the elderly are everyone's responsibility. I'm 29 and I have been taking care of my grandparents for over 6 years. I mow, do house work take them to the store and drs. Plus I have my own family.

    Some days I can't stand it but I could nvr imagine putting them in a home. They took care of me from day one. I have both my parents still but I consider my grandparents to be number 1 to me.

    The other day I was putting socks on my grandmother. She started crying because she is unable to do it herself any longer. This brought tears to my eyes (and I'm a "tuff guy"). I said well grandma almost 30 years ago you were doing this same thing for me. Its a sad sometimes.

    Back to my story tho I guess. Like I said I take them everywhere. My grandmother's best friend was in a home. They had been friends for almost 70 years. We went every Wednesday to see her friend. We showed up one week and she was gone. Not one person called to inform my grandmother or anything. No funeral either her son from out of state had her cremated and shipped to him. I was sick to my stomach man, and my grandmother still cries over it.

    I've learned more from the time I've spent with my family than anything else in this world. Even when I think they are full of shit because my situation is different cuz it's 50 years later. Later on down the rd I seen what they were saying was true. So take the time an stop by. The elderly get so lonely. I guarantee they will be happy to see you if only for 10 or 15 min.
     
  12. I read the first thing you replied twice before commenting and now I've read it again and nowhere in it did you say anything about him not taking care of her.. You said in your own opinion that she would rather be around family than in a home (making him feel guilty/berating) and also how she probably changed his shitty diapers and loved him as a baby (more guilt trip?) she died man don't gotta beat a man when he's hurting with guilt already bro..

    And yeah maybe my family situation is different than his as my great grandpa had alzheimer and we didn't get a full details about his grandma but I was saying that to put in perspective you don't know what was wrong with her.. He never said anything health wise so I can see why you think she mightve been in good health and only placed there for being old. But in such sorrow times I doubt even the best of us would fill In every blank for the reader when it gets to personal and in times of death.

    If his dad put his mother in the home.. I doubt OP had much of a chick in the matter, and who knows what he does or how he lives so he might not of evem been able or capable of having her stay with him to care for her.. But to be clear I agreed with you on the fact that nursing homes are terrible and should only be used when the older people are suffering with debilitating mental disease such as alzheimer and shot like that.. And not just because the person is over 80. To have to sign over all your belongings retirement, 4o1k home everything to get "good care and health related necessities, to be around" friends" aka complete strangers is fucking disgusting and should be looked into to see who really benefits from nursing homes and hoe much money they really make from getting the older persons belongings and life, you know? It's a sad subject..
     
  13. #13 Kooz, Jan 27, 2015
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 27, 2015
    I can respect you for this as my grandparents are also my #1 and seem to be the only ones there for me and all.. I just turned 23 and haven't broke out completely on my own but I am working on it.. I would never put either of them in a home.. Out of the 3 kids they have and me and my older sister (2 adult grandkids) they have I see them the most and help with everything I can.. Albeit their only 70 and 71 I'm hoping they have another 2o years to live each (optimistically :)) I doubt I'll be living with them in the next year or 2 but I'd be dammed if they get put in a home I'll make sure of it to not happen and remind my mom aunt and uncle who was there for all of us when no one else was but I doubt I'd have to get that far because I don't think anyone will allow for them to go to a home in the first place we have too much love in our fam atleast for them lol everyone else has different views of each other but what family doesnt, right? But we can all agree my grandma and grandpa on my mom's side are the best and I pray for their good health and pray for no dementia/alzheimer because that is crippling
     
  14. Yeah it kills me how other family members treat them.like shit. My dad actually lives in their guest house like 100 ft away but he doesn't do shit. I live close too I bought the house I have now because it's right behind them. But even with him there I have to go shovel and do everything. Their roof is old like the house so if snow gets on there in have to get it off fast or Ice will dam up and then water leaks. It's shit like that, that gets me. But if he needed money he would go do it so he could ask for money. They always give it to whoever asks too.

    Sry I kinda got off topic and ranted a bit. I can feel my blood pressure going up as I type. (It's been an ongoing situation as you can tell)
     
  15. This shipping old people off to homes is not a new thing...it started in my generation, which is now quite old....just before my generation, old folks homes were only for people with no family...then during the 60s and early 70s it shifted into places old people got placed even when they had thriving active families doing well. It just wasnt "acceptable" in some circles to have an elderly person living like a hermit in some back bedroom, walking around in pajamas most of the day requiring services....but I'll be goddamned if I can accept that as being acceptable. I know its hard keeping up with an elderly kin..its like having another kid...but thats just the way it goes.....and those of us who shoulder that responsibility should do so knowing it is giving life back into someone that gave us life.
     
  16. Well said BloodBooger. Honestly there are times when my phone rings and I just want to lose it but I know they won't always be here and I will one day wish my phone would go off saying grandma. So I answer with a friendly hello and then go do whatever it is she wants.
     
  17. #17 BloodBooger, Jan 27, 2015
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 27, 2015
    My mom was killed suddenly in a car crash last summer and there isnt a day that goes by that I almost pick up the phone to call her and tell her something my kids did.....then I remember. Losing someone close is a shock to the system and at least in situations like yours you have many recent memories to hold onto. I feel terrible for the OP losing his grannie in the way it happened...but the worst aspect of it all is how she spent her last years, not her actual passing. I would hope that the op could forgive his dad someday and reestablish what is left of his family.
     
  18. Yes I know just what you mean. My step mother passed 3 years ago from a heart attack. I talked to her at 1230 one day. That same day my dad called me he came home at 4:00 to find she had passed away in bed. It's aweful man. I still have here name an number in my phone. I can't delete it.

    But yeah to be set aside somewhere to be visited 2 times a year. I'd rather just be home and if I'm that of a burden my other family better step up too.
     
  19.  
    I'm 18 work 3 jobs and support my disabled brother. If you want to give me $3000 a month to support my grandma sure go your hardest. She pretty much died 3 years ago all that was keeping her alive was machines, paid by the government because we couldn't afford it.
     
  20. You're just the kind of person society should have a duty to support. Caregivers don't get near enough support for the vital and important work they do. Our elderly shouldn't be considered a burden but should be granted care just for staying alive so fuckin long. Life is hard....especially the last bit of it. Hats off to you for caring for a family member who needs your help. I send good vibes your way and wish you good fortune.
     
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