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some jokes i got

Discussion in 'Pandora's Box' started by Luvdabuddah, Apr 22, 2004.

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  1. >> > > Helga Buys A Beer
    >> > >
    >> > > It was a hot day in Minnesota. Helga hung out the wash to dry, put
    >a
    >> > > roast in the oven, then went downtown to pick up some dry cleaning.
    >> > > \"Gootness, it\'s hotter dan hell today\", she mused to herself as she
    >> > > walked down Main Street.
    >> > > She passed a tavern and thought, \"Vy nodt? So she walked in and
    >took
    >> >a
    >> > > seat at the bar.
    >> > > The bartender walked up and asked her what she would like to drink.
    >> > > \"Ya know,\" Helga said, \"it is zo hot, I tink I\'ll have myself a colt
    >> > > beer.\"
    >> > > \"Anheuser Busch?\" the bartender asked.
    >> > > Helga blushed and replied, \"Vell fine, tanks, und how\'s yer pecker?
    >> > >
     
  2. On the farm lived a chicken and a horse, both of whom loved to play
    together.

    One day the two were playing, when the horse fell into a bog and began
    to sink. Scared for his life, the horse whinnied for the chicken to go
    get the farmer for help!

    Off the chicken ran, back to the farm. Arriving at the farm, he
    searched and searched for the farmer, but to no avail, for he had gone
    to town with the only tractor.

    Running around, the chicken spied the farmer\'s new Harley. Finding the
    keys in the ignition, the chicken sped off with a length of rope hoping
    he still had time to save his friend\'s life.

    Back at the bog, the horse was surprised, but happy, to see the chicken
    arrive on the shiny Harley, and he managed to get a hold of the loop of
    rope the chicken tossed to him. After tying the other end to the rear
    bumper of the farmer\'s bike, the chicken then drove slowly forward and,
    with the aid of the powerful bike, rescued the horse!

    Happy and proud, the chicken rode the Harley back to the farmhouse, and
    the farmer was none the wiser when he returned.

    The friendship between the two animals was cemented: Best Buddies, Best
    Pals.

    A few weeks later, the chicken fell into a mud pit, and soon, he too,
    began to sink and cried out to the horse to save his life!

    The horse thought a moment, walked over, and straddled the large puddle.
    Looking underneath, he told the chicken to grab his hangy-downy thing
    and he would then lift him out of the pit. The chicken got a good grip,
    and the horse pulled him up and out, saving his life.

    The moral of the story? (Yes, there\'s a moral!)

    \"When You\'re Hung Like A Horse, You Don\'t Need A Harley To Pick Up
    Chicks!\"
     
  3. >> > >A Licensed Counselor was
    >> >conducting a group therapy session >with four young mothers and their
    >> >small children... >\"You all have obsessions,\" he observed. >To the
    >first
    >> >mother, he said, \"You are obsessed with >eating. You\'ve even named your
    >> >daughter Candy.\" >He turned to the second Mom. \"Your obsession is with
    >> >money. Again,it >manifests itself in your child\'s name, Penny.\" >He
    >> >turns to the third Mom. \"Your obsession is alcohol. This >too manifests
    >> >itself in your child\'s name, Brandy.\" >At this point, the fourth mother
    >> >gets up, takes her little >boy by the hand and whispers, \"Come on,
    >Dick,
    >> >we\'re leaving.\" >
    >> >
     
  4. May the fleas of a thousand camels infest the

    crotch of the person who screws up your day

    and may their arms be too short to scratch...

    AMEN
     

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