So I've been seeing this girl for a while....

Discussion in 'Sex, Love & Relationships' started by TranceKid, Dec 25, 2012.

  1. This girl is a coworker of mine who I've been seeing for about a month now. We see each other maybe twice a week (outside of work) so far and today I asked her to be my girlfriend. Although she didn't say yes or no, she said that "being in a relationship is a kind of pressure she just can't feel right now". I know she quit her other job and has been going through a rough time financially and emotionally so I'm not 100% sure that it is "bullshit" girls say instead of just saying "no". SHe clearly defines we're "dating" since she even has said it.

    However, about a week and a half ago, she asked if I would promise not to leave her. Today, I asked her what she meant and she said " I really needed someone then, my life is a mess and you help me feel stable. I feel like thats what I need most is to feel safe, you help me feel that." So then I told her I respect her feelings and that I'd still love to spend some time with her at my place or hers.

    What do you blades think? What do you think I should do? Go with the flow?:eek:
  2. Go with the flow. Be there for her. But don't make promises you can't keep, either. Just be a stand up guy, treat her like you would if she were your girlfriend, and show her what you have to offer and prove to her that you're worth it.
  3. i think you're setting yourself up with a clinger with serious issues. if you like that, go ahead. otherwise, don't pursue her. it seems like she is one to be very attached and rely on you for everything. this also comes from personal experiences

    a relationship is not about fixing someone. it's about mutual understanding and respect. you can only fix yourself. when you bring your own issues into a relationship, it ends up destroying things (referring to her). beyond that, it's also very irrational to predict that you would never leave each other
  4. Fuck her she can't have you when she wants you. What the fuck does feel the pressure of a relationship mean?

    Sounds like she just wants to use you when she's not feeling good
  5. show her what you working with, might change her mind when she sees all that meat
  6. Yeah she sounds insecure being in a properly defined relationship. She wants you around for emotional support but nothing further (at least for now). Consider if you want to wait until she's ready to call you her boyfriend. If you can, stay the course and act like the first reply said, basically be her boyfriend without saying you are.
  7. I agree with above poster. When she says "don't leave her", she is speaking of an emotional state. She thinks that you are emotionally comforting and that makes her feel safe, secure. This of course stems from deeper issues of insecurity.

    My last side chick was similar in this fashion, if everything was going good, she didn't need me. But the moment a bad day happens she is right there wanting affection and re-assurance.
  8. I thought about this for a while and I'm going to not contact her out of work for a while and see how it goes. I'm not the kind of person thats okay being a guy on the side...or used when needed. I'll see where it goes...
  9. Yeah seems like she wants the girlfriend treatment without any strings attached. This is probably the best way to handle it for you.
  10. Kinda sounds like she just needs that TLC from a nice guy like yourself. If you guys aren't having any sexual relations then don't treat her like a girl friend all the way.. Doesn't mean you can't treat her nice, just means that you won't go out of your way to save her when she needs it.

    Tell her how you feel, if she doesn't go with it, don't put any pressure on her.

  11. We aren't having sexual relations. I did tell her how I felt and she replied how I already said she did. My intention isn't to pressure her in any way since she's kinda going through a lot right now (financial trouble, family trouble, etc).
  12. So theres some news. Have had very little contact with this girl lately and this happens:

    I was working the other day and the same girl stops by at work and starts chatting it up with me. I eventually (casually) ask when we were going to hang out. She looks at me with a distressed face and says "Soon! Just let me get my life together". She then says "Thank you for being patient...and being there for me..." I didn't respond and walked away to continue to work. She then said bye to me a couple minutes later and that was that.

    Anyone care to dissect whats going on?
  13. we must see this chick to offer sincere reply to post

  14. she doesn't want to hang out with you lol. give her sometime, don't contact her until she contacts you. it might be a day to a week to a month, point is you need to show her you don't need her, she needs you.

    so she needs to get her shit together. you've already shown where you stand, its up to her now.
  15. Just go with it.

  16. Sounds pretty solid
  17. i say give her the dick if she wants it. But other than that keep ur distance. Keep doing you. Dont let her slow you down.
  18. You and pictures. You are definitely consistent, Deep.;)
  19. nice catch
  20. SO its been some time now and I've been dating a couple other girls. The girl I was having issues with now I can tell is a little jealous. And yeah, I don't give a fuck; her loss !

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