So I'm Sitting here Watching "DEA" on Spike

They show the DEA agents. All gruff, serious, sophisticated. All the infra-red footage, serious talk about "narcotics traffickers". Alot of high tech equipment everywhere. Real grave, serious business.

They then get the warrant. Shit hits the fan. They go down at the house, "Police" ,"Police", "DEA". Theyre breaking down doors, pulling out heavy weapons that are infernally dangerous. There's really dramatic music going on in the background. This is serious business.

They catch the traffickers...its a MJ growhouse. The DEA agent talks to the guy they just caught and handcuffed. The DEA agent has a "I caught you, your mine, I'm better than you look on his face" as he gives a strict talking down to the grower.

I look outside my window and look at a tree, at some grass. My reality just falls apart.

This has to be a joke. People wasting lives, killing people, risking their own lives, so much bloodshed and high tech artillery, over a plant. A plant. Something thats been here from before us. A PLANT. It HAS to be a joke, theres no way that so called "regular, sane", in fact respected people could be this lost in a delusion, this far away from the roots of existence, have created this much of an artifical world for a natural organism.

But it was not a joke. It was real. These are the same kind of people, in one way or the other, that populate the civilized world. Its these kinds of people that have supreme power and get elected - people who are lost in humanities chaotic invention of "civilization". What does the world civilized mean, and how close are we to it? The world is robotic, barren, polluted, full of hatred, full of controversy, full of people who are deemed sane even though they support destroying lives over a harmless plant.

Its everywhere, ive always felt this for awhile, even more strongly over the last year or so, but this blow was just so final. I have no energy nor desire to even be angry with it or want it to change. Its a world of ADD children with supreme power. I'm human at my core, im a product of untampered nature. Existential happiness is impossible under these highly skewed, highly artificial environment.

I look around in plain disbelief sometimes. I sometimes literally wonder if im in a coma and this is all a long hallucination. How is it possible that people cannot see the downright madness, childishness of the way our race has brought itself to be? I cannot look at a senator or even the president talk normally anymore. Forget respect, I cannot even begin to care for a word he says, hes just as lost as all of humanity, completely deluded ideals, completely blind to the true nature of existence, completely ungrounded in nature, completely clueless in all things important. Clueless.

We exist. We will die. We all want to be fulfilled, happy. Yet none of our effort goes into understanding how to do this anymore, there is a completely unsatisfactory, incorrect blueprint that is blindly followed of study-job-marriage-kids-retirement-death that is for the major part plagued with tantrums, breakdowns, everyday stress at work, horrible foods that make your mood worse and your life shorter. Everywhere people are talking not about bliss and contentment, but about achieving, the economy, how it sucks, how one must do this or that to be normal and happy. Which person is normal and happy, and not just living in a condition that is above their minimum tolerance for what they would consider "suffering"?

Our TVs ask us not if were happy or content or at peace with our lives right now given the fact that the very newspaper you read this morning blatantly showed you the candle in the wind nature of your life in the obituaries. They ask us if were getting our taxes paid, if we think were sexy looking enough, they ask us with uttermost seriousness if we think we could save money by changing our car insurance. What of all this when underlying deep contentment and peace with existence is near non existent? The most common thing ever scraped into a bathroom stall is "Life is a bitch". Really? They don't think so. The flowers and trees outside your window don't think so, the sky doesn't seem to think so, animals seem perfectly peaceful when theyre grazing even though death is much more imminent for them than us in our protected worlds. Yet were the ones anxious and wondering and afraid all the time. Were not plastic. Were nature. We came from there, its just an inexplicable matter that now for some reason we think theres an "us" and a separate "animals and nature". We ARE it.

Internet forums are full of millions of people that are so out of touch with existential bliss, that if they have free time, instead of enjoying it even in a rudimentary way, they come online and wage wars, get notably vexed over messages on video game forums, marijuana forums, bodybuilding forums, and argue, debate, flame, call each other "fucking idiots" - people they don't know they seek out to fight with online since they cant do it in person. Scroll through 20 threads quickly on this very forum itself, and note how serious they sound, how often people seem to get vexed over each others posts, spewing seriousness and negativity everywhere. This is what we do, this is what we have become - addicted to a vampiric need to stay in this senseless circle of pointless pursuit of pointlessness that is plagued by vexation or suffering. Look at the next 20 people you see on the road driving. Note the permanent frown burrowed into their forehead. They might die tomorrow, they might have just one life, there is so much bliss available, so much contentment, so much beauty, but the poor souls are not only ignoring it, but they havent a clue it exists. Our society and societal system is criminal to every new person born. Theyre born with the possibility of peace and bliss, but they never even realize it, they are born into this chaotic machine and think thats all that exists, and they die in it cursing the day they were ever born.

We don't have to be like this, nothing in the existent world seems to live like this but us. The more you look at tribal establishments, rural establishments, look at them now and through history, you can easily note that while they might now have been famous, had a 40 inch television or a beemer in the garage, they are more happy, more grounded - and they are the same species that will decay into the same mud. Its alarming that despite visible evidence, we still somehow feel that we are superior and that we need to help them. Humans are not a little crazy, not on the whole sane, we are INSANE. Downright INSANE. We are CLUELESS to what we are doing, HATE the way we do it, vex and worry and comment on the newspaper every morning "this world is going to hell", and yet trod on this path in lethal automaton.

Ask any random bloke how hes doing. "Surviving". "Cant complain". "I'm happy" with a sigh and a serious face. Really? After all this development and pride in our race for its accomplishments all we can do is consider ourselves surviving, while the dogs play and wag their tails everyday, the birds sing, and the flowers bloom? AM I HALLUCINATING? How can man think such a senseless world has any sense in it?

I feel the most comfortable and content at this moment now that I have my tickets booked for the 13th of this month. One way back to India, where I will be living in an ashram, who knows where it takes me from there - I want only meditation and wandering.

This world is just too much of a nightmare that I can't even believe is real.

 

Its not just America, its all of the "civilized" world, in its myriad different permutations.

 

Most of my writing is shared self expression. Its in me, I want to say it, so I say it. I did have "dreams" of awakening the world awhile ago, they did little more than serve, as you said, as a haunting attachment. Ive ceased to care much about whether or not the world awakens in this lifetime of mine or not. I just share and express. Thankfully, its whats letting me go back to India and find it for myself. The rest of it can do as it pleases.