So I Used To Be A Cabbie.

Discussion in 'Real Life Stories' started by sisterstorm, Jul 15, 2012.

  1. why'd you quit?
  2. oh shit! I just remembered this story.

    So anyway we had a guy who worked in the dispatch office, who was a real freaking retard. We'll call him Sam. The thing to know about Sam is that he was unbelievably stupid, and he loved his cherry red Camaro.

    To give you an idea of the kind of retard Sam was, he once gave me a call at 11 pm at night. The call was to a parking lot of a store that had closed and relocated. I get there and there's this drunk Hispanic guy who doesn't speak a word of English. Not a word.

    So drunk Hispanic guy gets in the car, and I ask him where he's going. He has no idea what I'm saying. After attempting some very poor Spanglish, I finally get an idea and pull out my driver's license. I point at him "you", as I wave my driver's license at him. Drunk Hispanic guy is drunk and baffled.

    So I figure, fuck it, and start driving. If I go in the wrong direction, maybe this guy will say something incoherent until I go in the right direction.

    So as I'm driving up the road a thought occurs to me. I ask this guy if he has any money. He looks at me confused. I wave a five dollar bill at him and point at him again, "you". Drunk Hispanic guy looks at me and says, "no".

    What? No? I pull over at the only business that's open, an IHOP, and trying to figure out if I've got this right. You, drunk Hispanic guy who can't speak a word of English, you have no money, as in zero dollars?

    "Si Señor".

    I get out of the car and open the door for the drunk Hispanic guy and tell him, "did you know you were going to the IHOP? Enjoy your stay!"

    Drunk Hispanic guy seems to think this is a fucking fabu idea, and stumbles out of the car.

    I drive back to the dispatch office and ask the dispatcher what the hell was all that about?

    Sam says, "oh, well the police called cause they found this guy, and they didn't feel like messing with him, and so they figured they'd just call him a cab."

    I told Sam, "the guy was incoherent, couldn't speak English, and had no money."

    Sam says, "yeh, I know, the police told me."

    I asked Sam, "if the guy has no money, then how is he supposed to pay is fare?"

    Sam looks at me confused and says, "oh, shit, I didn't think of that."

    See what I mean. A real retard. He wasn't trying to screw with me, he really hadn't thought things through that far.

    Well, I'm working one evening, and it's been slow. But the evening rush is coming, and things are starting to pick up.

    So I pick up this one girl who's talking on her phone, and she's obviously higher than fucking high. I'm a bit amused by all this and I take her home. We get to her place and I tell her, "that'll be $8.00".

    Stoned girl reaches into her pocket, pulls out her money, and looks utterly baffled. She's taking for-fucking-ever to count out her bills, and Sam has already sent me another call.

    So stoner girl, after counting her money 60 thousand times, gives me $7.00. I tell her she owes me 8, and she asks, "what? 8 more dollars?"

    I explain she only gave me 7, and so she pulls out her money again, still looking totally confused. As she's counting Sam sends me a message saying, "what's taking you so long?"

    So as stoner girl is counting again for the third time, I tell her, "a tip would be nice".

    Stoner girl looks at me, looks back at her money, looks at me, looks at her money, and just decides to give all her loose bills to me. She ended up tipping me 10 bucks. Cool.

    So off I go to the next call. I start getting weird messages from Sam about how I need to go to McDonald's. Okay, cool, I'm picking someone up who is probably getting off work there.

    No, Sam says. You need to go to McDonald's and buy some food.

    What? This is weird. Why in the hell am I going to go to McDonald's and buy some food? I boycott the place for Christ's sake. What, are the guys in the dispatch office getting hungry?

    No, Sam says. Someone called the cab company, and they want us to deliver them some McDonald's.

    What? I get on the radio and ask Sam, how in the blue hell do I even charge for that?

    Sam doesn't know, but asks someone else, and they tell him you hit your meter, add $3 for the specialty fee, plus the cost of the food. Alright, well what does this customer want? Sam says the customer wants an extra large milkshake.

    Fine, whatever. I go to McDonald's, and I go into the drive thru. And man the line there is taking forever. Which is cool by me, because I'm charging. But things are picking up, and I'm stuck on this b.s. call. The rush ain't gonna last forever, after all.

    So I get the milkshake and start making my way to the customer's place. Then Sam sends me another message. He says there will be special delivery instructions.

    What? Okay, whatever, I'll worry about it when I get there. I get to the address and ask Sam what the hell is up with the delivery instructions. He says the customer wants it delivered to the back of the house.

    The back of the house? That sounds shady. And how the hell do I know which house it is? These are a line of town homes. Well, I figure the customer probably just left the gate open. Cool, I can do that.

    So I go around the back with this damn milkshake in my hand, looking for the house. And every single fence is closed and locked. After wandering back and forth for 5-10 minutes I get back into the car and tell Sam the situation. He tells me the customer can't come to the door, so I'm going to have to jump her fence to give her the milkshake.

    I tell Sam, fuck you, I'm not doing that shit. The customer can either come to the door or no milkshake. Sam says, "well, never mind, then.". I ask him, "well, what am I'm supposed to do with this milkshake?" He says, "well you can have it if you want"

    So I am totally fucking pissed now. Not only have I just wasted 40 minutes of the busiest part of the night on this damn call, it actually cost me money buying a product from a place that I'm boycotting!

    So I go back to the dispatch office, and I'm getting ready to cuss Sam out, when I notice his Camaro.

    "Gee, Sam", I thought. "It's really not a good idea to leave your windows open like that".

    Needless to say, I found a good use for that milkshake after all.
  3. I can sum that up in one word. "9/11". No money in it after that happened.
  4. Geez these are great stories haha. So what do you do now man? If you don't mind me asking.

  5. why not? people stopped needing cabs after 9/11? I'm confused
  6. Churchill?
  7. Oh shit that milkshake one was hilarious hahhaha
  8. something isn't right here.

    you claim you just remembered these stories but then you can suddenly recall all these little details?

    btw you sound like a jerk. you don't dump a milkshake in someones car.
  9. [quote name='"oldSCHOOL_toker"']something isn't right here.

    you claim you just remembered these stories but then you can suddenly recall all these little details?

    btw you sound like a jerk. you don't dump a milkshake in someones car.[/quote]

    Id do the same shit!

  10. Wasting precious time, money and potential income all for a little payback revenge?

    Milkshake washes out, not like he keyed the car or slashed a tire.
  11. [quote name='"oldSCHOOL_toker"']something isn't right here.

    you claim you just remembered these stories but then you can suddenly recall all these little details?

    btw you sound like a jerk. you don't dump a milkshake in someones car.[/quote]

    Hey man, don't hate these stories are entertaining, its like taxi cab confessions

  12. true.

    still fishy.
  13. I like this guy. This guys good people.
  14. +rep for awesome stories
  15. Cab drivers always have the best stories. Haha, interesting stuff man. Keep updating please
  16. #77 sisterstorm, Jul 18, 2012
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 18, 2012
    Yeh, man. Basically, a big part of our business was taking people to the airport. After 9/11 all the airports were shut down. The economy tanked. Everything sucked. In the time of a week I went from taking home $120 cash in my pocket, to taking home 30 bucks. Then, I couldn't even bring that home.

    I've talked to the cabbies in our area since then. The business never has recovered. I know cabbies who work 16 hour shifts these days, just to get by.

    It's a lot like waiting tables I guess. When the economy gets crappy, no one goes out to eat, and waiters and waitresses can't make a dime.
  17. #78 sisterstorm, Jul 18, 2012
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 18, 2012
    Do you not think Sam deserved this? I lost around 70 bucks because of him, and he put me in a dangerous position. I could have been jumped and robbed by someone when I went behind those houses. If he'd told me about the delivery instructions from the beginning of the call, I would have refused the call.

    This wasn't the only time Sam put me in a dangerous position, by the way.

    I regularly picked up this girl from her apartment and took her to her job, working the graveyard shift at a convenience store. Well, I get to the store and drop this girl off, and Sam sends me a message.

    "oh, by the way, two guys with a sawed off shotgun just robbed the convenience store across the street."

    I'm thinking, "fuck, get me outta here." I start driving to get my ass to another section, so I'll get calls away from all this.

    But no, Sam keeps sending calls my way in this section. One right after another.

    I get this call to these townhouses that are around the corner from this store that's just been robbed. It's midnight. I'm sitting there and my fare gets in my car.

    I drive down the street, turn the corner, and suddenly I'm surrounded by police cars, cops get out, and they have their guns drawn, pointed at me and my fare.

    The cops look at my fare, decide they don't match the description of the guys who robbed that convenience store, and take off.

    What was happening is that Sam was telling the police about all the calls he was getting in that section. The police were hoping that one of the robbers might be taking a cab home. Sam knew this was going on, but he didn't bother to tell me that.

    So I gotta wonder: what would have happened, if the police DID find one of those robbers in the back seat of my car? That means I would have suddenly been made a hostage. I could have been killed. Sam's stupidity could have gotten me killed.

    Being a cabbie can be a dangerous damn job. You're exposed to a lot of the same dangers that a cop is exposed to, except you have no gun, no ability to arrest anyone, and you can't call for back up. All you have is your wits, and hopefully someone in the dispatch office watching your back. Sam never watched anyone's back because he was too dumb to know that his job was more than answering the phone and playing with a computer.

    So, if that had happened to you, and then a few weeks later, you'd gotten that milkshake call, what would you have done?

    By the way, the boss ended up chewing me out for dumping that milkshake in Sam's car, but every other cabbie who worked there gave me a slap on the back and shook my hand for doing that.
  18. Suuubbed. I would never want to be a cabbie.

  19. I understand it was a bad experience for you man, it just seems like a pointlessly vengeful thing to do when you've described Sam as borderline mentally retarded.

    Your stories are great tho. :smoke:

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