So I Used To Be A Cabbie.

So I used to be a cabbie. I didn't work in the big city, but just in my suburban burg. Still, I came across my fair share of crazy things. This was made more fun since I'm naturally a night owl, so I would usually opt to work the graveyard shift.

One particular night stands out well in my memory. It was a brisk autumn Saturday evening. These were always fun, because you get all your drunk bar runs. Drunks were always a hit or miss. You'd either get a happy drunk, who was more than happy to tip you well, and maybe even buy you something to eat, or you'd get the angry drunk who you might have to throw out of your car.

This particular night I picked up a guy from a bar, who just seemed to be an arrogant prick. He kept saying loudly, that "I'm gonna go home and smoke some pot and fuck a whore". This guy immediately made me uncomfortable. He then asked me if I wanted to buy some pot, and I said sure, since I didn't want to upset this guy who seemed quite unpredictable. That's when he said, "well, I'm a cop, and you're under arrest."

Perplexed by all this, he then said with a smirk, "but I'm off duty. So I guess I won't arrest you. If you want to buy some, come to this dark corner behind so and so building tomorrow at midnight". I said sure, and dropped him off.

Next up, I picked up two teenagers who were obviously stoners. A friendly bunch of guys, but they didn't have any money for their cab fair. They asked if it was okay if they paid me in weed, and I said sure.

Next, I picked up a gal who was heading to work for the graveyard shift at a grocery store. So I'm heading down the highway, and I see a little red Mazda that's crashed into something, and was pulled over by the side of the road. I slow down to get a better look, and see this guy standing outside his car looking over a deer.

I keep going and drop the gal off and pick up this cool laid back kid at a convenience store in one of those not-the-best-neighborhoods in town. The kid gets in the car and tells me where he's going, while I start updating my paperwork real quick.

That's when I notice a strange sight standing outside of the convenience store. A see a light skinned black kid, wearing a straw hat, and chewing on a piece of straw. Not exactly a common sight in my neck of the woods. He comes up to my window and taps on the glass. I roll down the window a little bit and the guy asked for a cigarette. I tell him, "no, these are cloves and they goddamned expensive." He then offers me a dollar, and I still tell him no. I can now tell that he's drunker than a skunk, and he ups his offer to a dollar plus a small lighter that doesn't work. He then says that he's friends with my fair, and I should give him a cigarette. I turn around and ask my fair if he's friends with him. My fair, who by now is gripping his seat in fear, says, "hell, no!"

That's when our straw hat wearing friend reaches his hand into the car, saying, "just give me a goddamned cigarette!", and I start to roll the window up on his arm. He then warns me, "you're not gonna roll that window up on my arm, are you?" That's when I roll it all the way up, put the car in reverse, give the gas a good tap. Needless to say, that screwed up our hat wearing friend's night.

So I driving my fair and I come across that crashed Mazda again, coming from the other direction. I slow down to a crawl to see what's going on. It seems that our guy had decided that the best course of action was to drag this deer by it's horns onto the median strip. That's when the deer, who had apparently just been knocked unconscious, began to wake up. Our Mazda driver, not knowing what else to do, decided to start throw haymakers at that deer.

I called our dispatch and told her, "you better call the police before this idiot gets himself killed".

Ah, the joys of crazy people.

 

ah, hell, I meant to post this in the real life stories forum. my apologies. If a mod can move this, I'd appreciate it.