This morning, I woke up late, 7:14AM to be exact, I had to leave within thirty minutes. I hopped in the shower, and felt the warmth of the water all over my body - it woke me up from my dreams. As I stepped outside to get into my car, the sky seemed gray. I heard no birds chirping, I heard no cars passing, I felt alone.. I was alone. I thought nothing of it, every day has it's own feeling, and today's, is being alone. I get to the school, and everyone is there, but it feels like no one is there. I should have taken the precautions, and realized that today would not be a good day. I don't even make it to first period, when I get the call. "Julian?" "Yeah, hey Mrs. L" "You need to come to the hospital" "Why? What's wrong?" "Ryan... Ryan, last night he got into an accident" "Is he okay?" "No, no Julian. I'm so sorry (sobbing) please come here" And so, she told me what hospital to go to. I get to room B132, he's in there. Hardly noticeable. His mother isn't there anymore. I walk over to him, and sit down. He's not breathing. I grab his hand. I stay there, for two hours, being blank. His mother walks in 2 hours later. "Julian, when did you get here?" "Around 9:00AM" "Are you okay?" "Not even close. I've been holding his hand since I got here, and I don't want to let go." "I know (sobs) it feels so unreal." "Yeah, it feels real when I squeeze his hand and he doesn't respond. I want to hear his voice, once more. I want to tell him I love him, but I can't. I can't do it anymore." I sat there alone, the rest of the day. Alone, just like how I felt earlier that day. Alone. All alone, just me. I already miss my partner in crime. I still remember the last time I saw him. He picked me up from my house, and were going to his house. I remember throwing my back in the backseat of his car as I said "Hey dude, sorry it took me so long, I didn't even see your car out here." "It's no problem man." "Mind if I smoke in here?" "Nah I don't care." I pulled out a pack of Djarum Black Cloves, and put one in my mouth. I passed the pack over to Ryan, and he took one, cautiously. We both lit them up, taking drags, listening to the Ethiopian tobacco crackle. We were comfortable with the silence between each other, but I broke that silence. "What have you been up to man?" "Nothin' really, just hanging out. I saw 'Get Him to the Greek' last weekend, it was funny shit. We definitely have to see it some time." Those words, though didn't mean much at the time, mean a whole lot now. It defines how close we are, were. When two guys see a movie together, they're either gay, or love each other like brothers. "Yeah definitely man, what're you doing tonight?" "Going to see my girlfriend, then staying the night at Kyle's down in Hampton." "Shit, alright. There's a party across from your house, I think I might go with your brother." "Yeah he told me about it, believe me, I would totally ditch my girl, but it's our 2 year anniversary." "Damn mothafucka, congratulations. Going to school next year?" "I don't know, I'll be going for soccer if I do." The rest of the conversation was just on past times, reminiscing, since we only see each other about once or twice every two weeks, we love to reminisce. He's about to leave his house now, at 8:00PM "See you later man" "Yeah bro, see you." What I should have said, was "See you later man, I love you, drive safe. Don't speed." But I didn't. I wasn't thinking that he would die less than a week later. And when I say that, a whole new brick wall hits me. When I left the hospital, and got into my car, and saw the soccer ball in the back, with a pack of Djarum Blacks, I started to cry. I missed him already, how will I go on? I guess it's true, only the good die young. When a loved one dies, you feel terrible. You can't stop crying. Once I got home, I let the waterworks go. I've been crying since 2:00PM (it's 4:12 PM now). Off and on, once I remember that I'll never see him in physical form again, I start crying. In my opinion, a man's cry is more disturbing than a woman's cry, but that may just be me. I sound like a dog drowning. I'll miss Ryan so much, but the truth is, he's in a better place now. A place where he has found peace, and his heart is trouble free. "Eyes blurry, sayin' goodbye at the cemetary" - Tupac
No words can help you through this tragedy. Only time will tell. The best you can do is comfort his family and try to act as if everyone's life is in your hands... try to make a difference. You said he died from speeding? Im assuming it was a car collision or crash. Let out a prayer and try to move on. Tears aren't going to bring him back or help anyone. I understand you need to let it go but once you do, you need to move on. You need to be strong. Be strong [ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pNdKHwwYICA"]YouTube- Lil Wayne Eminem Drop the world (works) (lyrics + Download)[/ame]
shit man that was heavy. it probably doesn't help that right when i started reading this, "stay together for the kids" by blink 182 came on. teared me right up man. I too had one of best friends pass away from a car accident on cinco de mayo driving home drunk. It's something I still can't really comprehend. I still think about him every day and it makes me sad as fuck. I'm sorry for your loss man. Remember the good times and try to move on. Best wishes man
Im sorry for the loss of your friend. You are not alone though. Be strong. P.s. Real men can cry. You're a person too.
Hits real close for me.. when my brother was killed i remember standing by his bed side.. holding his hand and just crying for hours.. i was the only person in the room the whole time and it pissed me off.. no family came, it was "what he had coming to him".. it pisses me off to this day.
Well, he was traveling fast on a road, hit a tree, and his car ended up on it's side. This happened at 1:00 AM, they're still cleaning up the debris. It is terrible, I feel so sad for his family. Tomorrow I'm going to his house and smoking up his mom and his brothers.
Mhm. I wouldn't care if my brother was a crack dealing gang member and got shot.. I would never EVER say it was what he had coming to him. Even if it was, hes still gone because of someone else. Thats the one thing that pisses me off every time I think about it deeply -- murder. It's like someone killed another person and totally destroyed their chance at life and happiness, mutilated their family's minds and are barely affected by it. It just pisses me off.
That's terrible. It's the worst feeling to hold a hand, crying, and not wanting to let go, because once you do, you'll never see them again. Treat every moment as if it's your last. Hold the ones you love close to you, because you never know when it will be gone. I've dealt with death before, and it's terrible. No matter how much you've gone through, it will always hit. Every time I think of his face and think of his voice, I choke up. It's still too soon to let it go.
That will be nice, just sit there for hours smoking and talking about him. It should definitely ease up the pain man. I had both my parents die before I was nine years old and it sucks man. Only time will heal but you'll never forget. Rip.
Man, that is horrible. No one should have to go through that, but unfortunately we do. Death is a part of life, whether it can be prevented is another story. Sometimes it can't be prevented, such as an impailing illness or just natural causes. Sometimes, it can be prevented, such as buckleing your seatbelt (a simple act that takes 2 seconds) could determine the fine line between life or death. Everyone faces different hardships in their life, and not all experience what its like to have someone very close to us die. It gives us a sense of understanding, and it also helps us understand the true value of a human life. Yeah, the pain sucks. It feels like someone actually ripped your innerds right out of you. Ripped the life right out of you. And you feel like it'll never get better. Everything is cured by time, it will eventually get better, of this i'm sure. However, it'll take time until you come to that certain point where you've accepted your friend for what he truely is, in his spiritual form. It may be hard to understand, but you can't hold onto him if hes already gone. And you can't really love something until you let it go. Best regards man.
sorry to hear that bro. we all lose loved ones, but none easier than the other. my deepest condolences
Im so sorry man, not much can be done..Stick with his family and friends. Reminds me of my buddy Pete. Buddies since kindergarden. 2 years ago Both of his parents passed away within a year of each other, 6 months later he's in a hospital bed and i never got to say good bye. I was too late Life isnt fair..count your blessings, grieve and move on..
Man. I'm keeping you in my heart. Not four months ago my best friend was ripped tragically away from me. Not a day goes by I don't think about him. You have my deepest and utmost sympathy and condolences. What you're experiencing is the worst emotion a human can feel. Just know it will get better. Stay strong. Now instead of living your life for you, you can live it for Ryan also. He's in a better place, watching over you, burning one down with the man upstairs.
Man that sucks, made me teary eyed reading it, can't imagine how bad that would be. My sister died from being struck by an automobile when I was about 3 years old, I don't remember much, she was on a bike ride with my dad and brother, all I remember is sitting in the back seat of my moms car, wondering what is going on with a bunch of firetrucks (or at least thats how I remember it) going by and then my father I think opened up the back hatch (it was a volkswagon) and set my 9 year old brother in the back and he was crying his eyes out, I don't remember ever crying and I don't remember when the news was broken to me or if it ever was.
I am very sorry for your loss. I lost a good friend less than a month ago, so I completely understand how much it sucks. My friend wasn't killed in a car crash though. On his bday, he ate dinner with friends, made plans for the weekend, walked down to a local shooting range, rented a gun, and blew his brains out. I swear I see him reflecting in things all the time, like the sliding glass door or mirrored shop windows, and I always expect to see him pop up on messenger each time I log on. That pain never goes away, man, it just gets numb.
im sorry for your loss...i hope you get to overcome this and always remember those good times you had with him. stay strong, and like someone else said time will heal...and just like yu said hes in a better place. this is going to be a hard thing to do but yu have to accept his death, i know it will suck to know yu wont get to see him again, but be strong. dnt worry and just cry, if that is what helps yu getit all out, everyone cries to show their feelings.
That made me tear up thinking of one of my friends, who wasn't even that close, and when he died, and just like you said I couldn't stop crying, shit was rough. I'm really sorry dude, stay strong and make it through this.