snooped in girls phone

Discussion in 'Sex, Love & Relationships' started by IhasNopants, Jun 28, 2012.

  1. Hey grasscity! A few weeks ago my girlfriend left her phone at home (live together, together for 3 years), and I decided to snoop because I suspected she had been or was still cheating on me. I wanted to confirm or relieve my suspicions, and then decide where to go from there. I felt that she was cheating partly because she didn't seem to feel the relationship was fair because I wasn't doing enough around the house. But the thing that made me think she was cheating was that I don't hang out with my old circle of friends anymore. Maybe we got disconnected because of work and such, and me and my girlfriend spend almost all of our time together. Or its because my friends know that she is fucking some of the guys in our circle of friends.

    Another very weird thing that happened is one time I was at an old friend of mines with a lot of our friends, he just spontaneously told me I was an idiot in the most insulting way possible (somehow managed to say I was stupider that jessica, who was right there, and he had told me before he thought she was a stupid as fuck). It was clear that he had planned this, and the only other reason he might say such a thing is if he was mad that I wasn't calling him (I always wait for my friends to call me). Then again I know for a fact she was confiding her problems with me to him, and pretty certain to all our friends, so it could be that, even if she wasn't cheating.

    Our sex life has some problems too. We don't have sex very much and I know she blames it on me. We both are into kinky shit, but I actually ALWAYS seem like the most innocent guy and I know she doesn't feel I can do the stuff we both want to do, which is be more rough essentially, and use bondage etc. This makes me feel inadequate and its hard to just take control when I know she already feels like im a failure.

    As for the snooping, I found a night where she pretended to goto a club with friends, but went to that guys house instead. I also found a text to that guy where she said she just would have been masturbating if she stayed home (venting frustration with our sex life, gc, do you think she might have just been figuring things out by talking about our problems to him, or more than that?). It was also suspicious that she had only 2 text messages from her ex, a friend she still hangs out with (iphone: texts stay forever unless specifically deleted). I, however, never get calls from him EVER anymore (been friends since middle school), but we have hung out a couple of times since (when i called him, or g/f did).

    When I confronted her she was pissed that I had snooped in her phone (said she had problems with one of her moms abusive bf's who searched her belongings every day). I am curious if she is really angry because I didn't trust her, and snooped in her phone, or if its because she betrayed me and feels guilty and trapped.

    She is extremely important to me though, and I feel she is very, very special. I think its worth trying to fix the problems we have had. If she did betray me as such I of course am pissed, but because she is so extremely special I think I would want to try to fix our problems. Plus, the last few years have been hell on both of us b/c we had shitty jobs with tons of hours, and a long commute, and both of us hate fighting so we hold in our problems. All of this makes me feel that if we work things out our relationship could be stronger than ever before.

    So any opinions or similar experiences? Was I wrong to snoop? Should I appologize for snooping (she just brought it up again today with a note she left behind)? Thanks for any help or advice.
     
  2. No. No. and No. She should not talk to any guys about only masturbating if she is in a relationship to you. She lied about going to the club with friends. Instant fuck up on her part. Ditch that bitch and enjoy the single life. I would not want to have a girl like that in my life.
     
  3. Try to fix it, but if it was me in your place i would call it quits.
     
  4. You can't fix broken people. I threw up n my mouth more than once reading your post. The fact that you let her walk on you, from what you wrote, let her cheat, lie, whatever, the fact that some of your friends have probably banged her, how can you look your friends in the eye after that?

    If you have a kid with this girl in twenty years you'll be like every other dude, drowning in child support, wondering why you didn't learn when you had the chance. I feel sorry, because I believe from what you wrote that regardless of what we tell you, you will not change. Did you lose your virginity to her?

    My bud lost his virginity and married the girl right away. He's a secret addict now as he can't communicate with his girl and she confides in others, like your girl does and youre doing now. There is no real relationship without communication.

    A tough life is not an excuse to hurt, lie, or cheat others.
     
  5. I'm very close to some girls and they'll talk about their sex life to me, asking for advice and a guy's opinion and what not. I care about these girls but I'm not trying to move in on them. I had my chances for that already and wasn't into it.
    I don't think she should be talking to her ex boyfriend and she hasn't been honest with you so you're in the right. I think you need to talk about it and try to work it out.
    As for the sex thing, talk about that to. There's no reason to feel inadequate. You've been together for a long time, even if you're not a porn star there are things you can do to get her off.
    Just talk to her and listen to what she has to say.

    Edit: I do agree with some other blades about calling it quits but get her side of the story first and see if it's manageable.
     
  6. I would have left her... unless you have a kid with her there is no reason to try to work through all that bullshit.
     
  7. Drop that bitch like a bad habit.
     
  8. Eeek. That's rough.

    I understand the urge to snoop, especially when you suspect something. It usually never ends well.

    Best of luck, buddy.
     
  9. Just leave her.

    Liars lie

    and they always will.
     
  10. wait til she goes out again and leave all her shit on the porch and change the locks.
     
  11. I second this
     
  12. Okay so let's say you guys do work it out, you forgive her. Then a year later you're in the same situation?



    The girl isn't special if she's lying, and cheating. It's hard to hear but cheaters and liars don't stop cheating/lying.
     
  13. Dude... I know its tough when you want someone to be what they aren't but this girl is not gokng to change, she is a liar bottom line. But if you actually want to save your relationship sit down with her and talk. Set up "rules" for her and you. And by no means should you let her walk over you like that.
     
  14. I'd say she'd be special/unique if she had two vaginas, but c'mon, who has TWO vaginas?

    7 billion people on Earth......., wait, I gave this speech before. D'oh!
     
  15. Leave her. Too fishy, man. Speaking of fish- plenty out there for you. Don't settle
     
  16. See here's the thing guy, your girlfriend is cheating on you. Probably screwed most of your friends and hers. You know how I know? Because a friend of mine has the same type of girlfriend as you. Only I'm the one who she confides the problems with. Specifically told me who she fucked behind this kids back, and how she is still in love with her ex.

    However I can't tell my friend this because I also fucked her so I revert to calling him a moron for going out with this bitch. I tell him that the relationship is dead and when he asks why I just want to hit him. A blind baby could see that bitch in this chick but he can't because much like you he's infatuated. There is nothing special about this broad nothing at all, she is a lying, cheating two faced slut.

    End it now before it gets worse
     
  17. Not clear whether she's cheating, but sounds like your relationship is all but over... May as well get on with breaking up.
     
  18. Thanks for all the advice guys. I know she obviously went over the line with the way she talked to my friends, and especially if she was doing more than venting. However, I feel that the many problems we have had in our relationship and "put under the rug" because we were to stressed to hurt each other, and this caused the "rift" between us. I think that if we had more open communication and we solve the problems we have (i feel its all stuff that can be fixed), that she will be honest and faithful, even if she wasn't before (i think she was faithful, just venting).

    And when i say special? I remember realizing years ago (24 atm) that I don't have any friends that I feel truly connected to. Almost no one seems to understand the world we live in, im sure some people here understand that feeling, and this girl actually does. I constantly think and talk about technology, politics, nature of the universe, the economy, and other big topic ideas, where as everyone else I've ever met only thinks about such things occasionally. I've always found it hard to find a guy that I feel can understand what I'm talking about, let alone a women. In fact, before meeting her, I didn't think I could ever meet someone that could care or understand the things I constantly think about. I can think of two guys in my entire life that I ever felt even a remotely similar feeling of mutual understanding.

    I normally feel like such an outsider, its because I'm not neurotypical, and I just think very differently than other people. I am stupid as shit when it comes to some things, and yet in other areas where normal people falter, I can understand more than anyone around me. Its an odd existence.

    But anyways, my point is, my girlfriend is special is a similar way, and this is why I feel such a deep connection to her, and feel it would be worth dealing with these problems rather than starting over. I do know that I could find other people like me though, especially using the internet and being honest, but I just feel I shouldn't give this up yet because I feel that I bear some responsibility also for not dealing with these problems much sooner.

    Thanks grasscity, smoke for me, court date next month. (of course I'm smoking cigs again, fuck this idiotic nonsense of making the safest drug known to man illegal, while making one of the most dangerous ones available in every gas station; and until recently completely okay to use anywhere, while they would arrest you for using safer drugs in a similar manner)
     
  19. Drop her! She's fucking that other dude.
     
  20. cheat on her!!!
     
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