My mom used to whoop my ass with a piece of orange Hot Wheels track . We have never smacked or hurt any of our kids. On rare occaisions we have given them a pat on the butt when they were very little, still in Pampers, to get their attention, not to cause pain. Once they reached the age where we could communicate with them, that stopped. All three have grown up to be well behaved and respectful.
It's one reason why I'm not a Xtian...I don't worship a god of slaves that condones brutality to children. What? You can't out-think a mere child? They're small, mentally and physically immature, vulnerable and weak. They are not just little adults. I'm an adult; fully mature, intelligent, physically, mentally and emotionally strong. I'd be deeply ashamed of myself if I couldn't control the situation. When I date a woman that has children of her own that haven't learned discipline, I use logic, deep thinking and hell, even the internet to discover what is needed to adapt the situation, to find out what motivates that particular child, then I manipulate their behavior based on that. It often ain't easy...but the alternatives (allowing them to go unchecked or using violence) aren't acceptable. Children need discipline; they don't need violence. Sadly, too, too many are dead through what started out as 'discipline' at the hands of those very ones that were supposed to nurture and protect them. You can't "accidentally" shake a baby or child to death...if you never shake the baby.
I've read every post in this thread and I agree with some for and against spanking. Bottom line they're my kids and I can do whatever I want as long as it follows the laws. Spanking is not illegal as long as it is not excessive. Don't believe me call and ask CPS, don't agree with me, I honestly don't care.
I think that is more in reference to when you rock or bounce a baby to sleep, when people out of sleep deprivation or stress do it too hard which causes shaken baby syndrome. I wasn't spanked much at all but I'm just as fucked up as anyone else. There is a difference between lightly spanking a child after they try to run out in the street or do something that is potentially dangerous and beating your kid for no real reason. You can't reason with a two year old but they might understand well if I run in the street mommy is going to spank me.
there is truly an art to disciplining a child...it is either extremely obvious to you and clear as a bell , or you will be like the majority of parents and wing it. hitting your child is not needed and only causes negativity. there are so many better ways.
As I've already stated in previous posts: there's a difference between a swat on the ass to get their attention, and smacking them around. Each develops their own ideas on what is abusive. Personally, if it is something that causes long-term pain (longer than a few minutes), then it's not right. I don't think people should interfere w/ someone else disciplining their child...unless that child is being abused. Too many people turn their heads when someone is hurting a woman or child...I don't. StephanieMarie: It doesn't really matter whether it's stress, lack of sleep or inability to cope, does it? The child often ends up dead or brain-damaged. Raising a child doesn't come with an instruction manual...and kids don't come with an on/off button. It's not easy to raise a child...which is why any parent that successfully raises their child to be a good, responsible adult has my respect.
First time we have disagreed...I think the complete opposite of everything you just said tbh Spanking is the most effective form of discipline. I just dont see how a little talking too or a small time out curves any form of bad behavior. These days, grounding means going to your room with your computer, xbox, iphones, ipads, mini fridges, ect. Hell, some kids ground themselves, never leaving their rooms.
which is why you remove the things u know they use ...like the computer, xbox, iphones, ipads, mini fridges, ect..lol.. all hitting does is put anger in someones soul and makes the child believe it is ok to physically hit another human being. ... you would be surprised how effective actually respecting a child with calm clear talking and removal of the childs favorite privileges will go. some children may respond to pain effectively at the time...but this does nothing to solve the actual issue.
Let's see the worst thing my dad did to me was chuck a harry potter book at me and dislocated my jaw. But it was normally getting smacked open handed or a belt or my dogs leash.
I don't care if other people spank their kids, its not my business. But I will never hit my kids, after all the shit I went through I couldn't even spank my kids. Id probably take away the stuff they like,time outs, and explain why what they did was wrong.
Good post. It made me remember my buddy telling me a story. Last summer his son (14) stole $150.00 from my buddy (his dad). My buddy took the high road and did EXACTLY what you recommended. The kid ended up with that grounding for about 3 months. As soon as he was ungrounded (the following weekend) the kid stole a car and arrested. Please note how my buddy handled this situation is exactly how he has handled every other one in the past. My oldest when he was 5 stole a candybar, I spanked his ass and made him return it AND pay for it out of his birthday money. He has yet to do it again. Ideas? Thoughts? Input?
I just wonder if the spanking was done before or after the other methods used ............& if you believe the lesson would have worked without the "spanking". Spanking just seems so humiliating to all when the other methods make such common sense. Maybe your buddy didn't discipline his son well when his son was 5.
I fully believe the spanking was necessary. But it was the first method used, it was also the first time I had ever spanked him. Since then I perhaps spanked him 4 other times, he is now 17. I think the last time he was 9 or 10. Then I was able to start with other means which were effective like groundings. But I do honestly believe that the spankings were necessary. Once was for the aforementioned stealing, another for desrtuctive behavior (smashed a neighbor kids window). Third was swearing at my exwife (I silently agreed with him) Forth was a suspension for cheating and the fifth was singing out of tune during a music recital. Alright the fifth was throwing a baseball in the living room and smashing a brand new television. However each time the spanking consisted of 3 swats to the behind. When I was a child and I got spanked, which was pretty often my mother always counted the swats, the only thing is she increased the number each time. I felt 3 was fair without being excessive. My buddy whom I have known since we were kids grew up in a truly abusive home. So he always just did the timeout, lecture and passive discipline with his children. Which I do understand, he wanted to break a possible abusive cycle. This is also why my buddy doesn't drink nor "smoke".
For the record I truly hate spanking any of my children, it makes me feel like a bully. I'm bigger and stronger than them. However I felt it was necessary the times they received them. I have spoken with professionals and they told me my methods were acceptable. The professionals were a councilor and an investigator for CPS (Child Protective Services). CPS was due to the fact that my ex wife's present husband DID abuse my children (one came home with a blackeye, he was 6 at the time). The CPS worker inquired as to how I disciplined the kids and I honestly told her. She said it was completely acceptable because it was not excessive and was not bare bottomed.
Every time I walk into a Walmart I am reminded why I am glad I got my ass whooped as a child when I misbehaved. A slap on the hand and spanking is fine in my book.
You do see some shit at WalMart, but then you look at the way the parents are and totally understand. The parents usually toss a pacifier, bottle or candy to quiet the kid. Hell if my mother gave me snacks just to shut me up I would of screamed just like them!
i got smacked cause i needed to get smacked -- i was the one who gave my parents a reason. actually my mom. my dad has never laid a hand on me. but my mom was the one who smacked some sense into me with whatever that was within reaching distance. after a spanking though, i would go back to being a good girl. words go in one ear and out the other for me so i needed the spanking haha. however -- there is a line between spanking and abuse and i don't condone abuse. a good spank here and there is definitely in order to keep your kids in line. otherwise -- they'll run all over you. but of course i'll perfect my evil eye so that my kids don't have to be spanked. they'll just be scared of mommy's evil eye and the spanking that would follow -- and they'll go back to being good kids
I'm neutral on it, I would never do it but I'm not totally opposed to it, but if you need to use physical force to get your kids to behave you are kind of failing as a parent in my view.