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Should I smoke? (Feeling Conflicted)

Discussion in 'Marijuana Consumption Q&A' started by satxdrummer, Nov 10, 2014.

  1. #1 satxdrummer, Nov 10, 2014
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 10, 2014
    Hello everyone, seeking some input from others about if i should smoke cannabis or not. Here is a little background.
         Im in my mid 20's, have a good job that I like ok, pretty comfortable money wise. I consider myself in recovery. Started smoking weed at around 15 and gradually got to everyday which continued until i was about 18.5. During that time period I would binge drink, but not drink on a regular basis,
         I got in some trouble for possession of weed and stopped right around 19. I committed to just drinking because it was legal and not tested for. Within a few months I was drinking heavily everyday . Got in alot of trouble, because alcohol really brings out the bad in me like an allergy and racked up DWI's and other petty offenses.
         Finally caught the Big Time with a Felony DWI and spent 6 months in Jail with the possibility of going to prison for 2-20. Manged to squeak by with time served and upon release, decided to do something different because I don't want to die or go to prison because of drugs/alcohol. I've been sober for 3.5yrs now and have had ALOT of success in my life and really have it great now. The only issue is that for these 3.5yrs as well as when I was using I've suffered from insomnia and sever anxiety.
        About 85% of the time life is great, I sleep good and my anxiety is present but pretty manageable. The other 10-15% of the time life is pretty horrible. I'll go 3-4weeks of doing great and then one evening my anxiety will get real bad and I wont sleep hardly at all. Then I get all fucked up in the head, with racing thoughts, dysphoria from lack of sleep and general just feel crappy. The days when I dont sleep good it really seems to exacerbate my anxiety
         About a month ago, I decide to get some pot for some reason. The 1st time initially made me feel a little bit paranoid and anxious at first, but after about an hr it started to mellow out a bit and I felt very relaxed and calm. The music sounded better, I was able to kick back and REALLY get into a movie and fell asleep early and felt great the next day. Did this about twice a week the past few weeks.
        This past weekend I smoked for 3 days in a row. Not all day but about 2 hits of a .2g bubbler bowl. Felt great, mostly relaxed and slept good. Yesterday I didn't smoke. Felt fine most of the day, but around evening time that anxiety crept up and didn't sleep very good at all. Feel pretty shitty today and want to smoke.
         I feel very very conflicted. I think that weed could offer me some relief from anxiety/insomnia. But at the same time, I don't want to be a stoner again. I also feel conflicted cause I consider myself in recovery still. I genuinely like being sober most of the time and don't feel the need to change the way I feel, but when i have those rough times it really sucks. I'm also afraid the i would end up "dependent" on it in the sense that I would need it everyday to help me sleep and manage my anxiety.
    Any input would be greatly appreciated and I thank you very much for reading. Thanks!

  2. don't let history repeat itself.  if you think you're going to be dependent on weed again, then stay away from it.  if you still want to smoke, exercise self control.
  3. It's very easy for me to slip back into smoking too much so I've been weighing out a certain amount every Sunday for the week and that works. If you just go in with the mentality that you're not gonna over do it and you have a generally addictive personality it'll keep increasing usage over time until you're back to smokin too much. At least that's how it is for me
  4. Thanks for the input. Have you had success with rationing? Im not opposed to smoking, I just don't wanna fall back to the Wiz Khalifa like smoking ways of my teens. At my heaviest i was smoking 3-4 cigarillos a day. Id be very content with a bowl or two or a joint every evening, I just want to be honest with myself and look at others experiences to ensure that's something that I could actually do.
  5. #5 As Above So Below, Nov 10, 2014
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 10, 2014
    Coming from an addict of multiple things, drugs aclohol porn you name an addiction I've probably had it at one point in time lol.
    Rationing has improved my life so much, I can't even tell you! I would usually get drunk, want some weed, buy a gram and smoke it all that night... Well I'd wake up kinda groggy the next day, buy a g to "feel better", smoke it all, then I'd get drunk at night and spend another $15-20 on a g... And doing that every day for weeks kills your wallet...
    So after this huge raise at work I finally decided to get a scale and start buying 8ths and quarters like I used to. I only smoke at night and since I have a scale I actually weigh out every hit. It might seem like a hassle but I don't go through it as fast if I know exactly how much I have left.
    It's sounds like you are on the edge man... You've done good without it all this time so why go back to it? 
    You are obviously in (or were) in quite a bit of legal trouble and even though it's been a while, next time you're caught with MJ (or dui) you are going to prison... And a possession charge with a history of DUI's... The court is literally going to ass rape you with time... 
    I would say NO. It is not in your best interest to continue smoking. You already have a Felony DUI so next time you are caught you are fucked, not worth any amount of weed IMO. 
    And not to be an asshole, I was the same way when I was younger, but you seem to be 'accident prone', so something as little as possession could definitely come your way...
    Again, No.
    With all the good that MJ does, it's not worth it in your case when the next time you are caught means serious prison time.
  6. Ya I have no experience like that and very true about the next time meaning possibly prison. Mj is definitely nice and rationing works well if you stick to it, it just depends on how much you like smokin.
  7. You can just try to set boundaries for yourself. Only smoke at certain times. Like right after you get off of work to just relax and wind down. It's the best way to end the day...

    And aye, who said being a stoner was such a bad thing anyway? Smoke it up!

    Sent from my iPhone using Grasscity Forum
  8. #8 satxdrummer, Nov 11, 2014
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 11, 2014
    Well, I've done really well financially and what not, I've struggled with the insomnia and anxiety for years now though. It actually cost me a job about a yr ago. Me being sleep deprived on a semi regular basis really didn't allow me to perform as good I could have. I've been out of the legal system for a couple yrs now fortunately. Where I live if I were caught with less than 2 ounces I could face up to 90 days in jail and 3k in fines, so that's for sure something to keep in mind. If I ever received another dwi i would definitely be facing serious felony charges though (don't plan on ever driving under the influence). Thanks for the input btw. I want to be thoughtful about this and am considering seeing a psychiatrist. My only worry is that they are going to want to give my psych drugs and I'm kind of scared of them. Some of them can have some pretty nasty side-effects and cause some serious harm.
    ***** With you having a history of addiction, are you able to use marijuana "successfully"? Like in the sense your not high all day every day, you have a job, social life, hobbies ect? Weed never caused me any major issues back in the day, but after I started drinking regularly that addict "monster" inside me seems to have gotten activated. I just want to consider that I might get out of hand with weed, just like I did other substances. I guess you could say i abused weed back then but, there was no obvious life issues caused with it, whereas with alcohol and pills the detrimental effects became very obvious very quickly and were quite severe.
         I honesty don't want to get high, I just want relief from this debilitating anxiety. I really think it could be life changing if i could get it under control, it holds me back from so many experiences and good things in life. Also, I thank you very much for reading and replying. The fact that a complete stranger would take the time to listen to some things going on in my life means alot 
  9. Do you have access to dispensaries? Buy only once a month. If you run out you run out. Don't let weed control you. You have to control it.
  10. #10 mmmarisa, Nov 11, 2014
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 11, 2014
    I consider myself in recovery as well. I'll always be in recovery. However, I smoke every now and then. The main thing is to remember the main thing...using ANYTHING as a coping mechanism is bad. If you think marijuana helps enhance your life in a positive manner, then I say go for it. However you need to always stay in control of anything and not use things as crutches. If you can do that, then you're golden. Learning to deal with issues and accept them first before moving on to any kind of medicine is best in my opinion. Whether it's prescription, or not. Any substance can bring out the worst in people if you misuse it.
    After buying in larger quantities and rationing, I've definitely been able to use it more successfully. But that success has also been due to my work schedule, I like routine. I work 7AM-3:30PM Monday-Friday, so after that I usually work out, go home and eat, chill and smoke / do whatever. The gym is literally right on the way home, so there's absolutely no reason for me to not go. And because it's on my way home that just helps me create a positive routine. 
    It's all about whatever your situation in, can you make it work for you? Having a chaotic schedule and work life won't help at all. I don't mean to be preach, but if you really want to smoke you have to realize the consequences. I'll be honest, I'm in the same boat as you, next strike and I'm gone. I literally don't go out, I don't really hang out with any friends, I tend to just stay inside, smoke a little, drink a little, stay out of trouble... Just got some wax and a rig :p
  12. Reward urself on weekends. Dont smoke too much. And dont fall back into the old lifestyle.

    Probation Sucks!
  13. Edited by mod? The mods are editing our posts now?
  14. Maybe u should try to get some cbd dominant strains or get some of they mmj that doesn't get u high at all. All that. Benefits without the high. I'm surprised noones said it yet

    Sent from my U670C using Grasscity Forum mobile app

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