should i break up?

Discussion in 'Sex, Love & Relationships' started by Mudabolsack, May 11, 2011.

  1. Okay so basically im at crossroads in my relationship with my girlfriend. we've been going out for 11 months and we've had 2 big arguments so far. The first argument was about whether or not i loved her or not. After the first time we had sex she said i love you, and me, being an idiot, said i love you back because i had no idea what else to say. And after that i just kept saying it to her, and i went along with it, diggin myself a deeper and deeper hole. I know, horrible decision on my part. So after this, we tried resolving it but all i could do was reassure her that i'll still be her boyfriend, so we just brushed everything away and slept it off. But i guess after a couple has their first argument, that honeymoon stage is over and things change.

    So after this, i told her i smoked weed for the first time with my buddy and i got really high, and everything came back. The first thing we argued about came back because she couldnt trust me. So i ended up saying i wouldnt smoke ever again, and well seeing as im posting on this forum ive been smoking ever since. (this is unrelated she still doesnt know that ive kept smoking)

    so overtime i just got tired of her, like my feelings for her were fading away, because of the arguments that we had, there's no trust in our relationship and the lack of trust just turns me off to having no feeling cause that shits always in the back of my head. I guess its cause these 2 problems we had were never resolved and we went along with it and made it worse. I became more cold and distant, normally i would feel like talking to her and texting her but i just got lazy and sometimes i didnt feel like texting her back.

    So a week ago i told her i want to break up, we met up and we never really broke up, we just postponed it and said we'll talk about it next time cause i had to go.

    And now she's telling me that she's completely forgiven me for those 2 things that i did and that she wants to try again and losing feeling for each other is normal.

    Part of me wants to be back with her, cause dont get me wrong, i had ALOT of good times with this girl, even now, thinking back on the moments we've shared brings a smile to my face. But the thing is that i don't love her that way and i'm afraid that if i continue this i would be just leading her on and eventually become cold and distant and hurt her in the process.

    so, to those of you who've bothered to read this long ass post, any thoughts and opinions? what do you think i should do?
  2. 11 months is a long time to get to know your girlfriend in the relationship. Do you feel like you're wasting your time int he relationship? Because it seems like you're finished with her.. I mean you already have to lie about weed, can you continue this for a while?

    If I were you, i'd tell her the truth. How much you've been smoking, that you feel the relationship is slowly down, and that you might be falling out of love.

    Imagine what it would be like if you got all of that off of your chest. The truth feels good, especially in a relationship. It all depends if you really do love this girl.
  3. yeah thats the thing, i dont think i can keep lying to her, its not fair to her, and yeah ive told her that i am falling out of love, eveything, except that ive continued to smoke weed. I just dont want to waste her time by continuing the relationship cause that would be like leading her on and shit. but at the same time i feel that maybe it could work out?
    godamn im so conflicted right now its not even funny
  4. Bro, do not break up with her. Don't do it. You'll start to miss her, maybe even start to worry when you see her with other guys, etc. If you still have even small feelings for her don't do it. Made the mistake myself. Just tell her your relationship needs to be more out there. By that I mean you guys need to do stuff more freely without stepping on eachothers toes. True stuff. Tell her your gonna smoke weed in the relationship.
  5. Bad things about not being a relationship: not sleeping alone, always having someone to run errands with/hangout with, sex

    But hey, some people bounce back fast, and enjoy the single life. I am not one of them, I prefer a relationship
  6. I can't mentally place myself in your situation, so just do whatever you feel is right. Also, don't be devastated if things do go south.
  7. Damned if you do and damned if you don't. Ha seriously man tell her how you feel and come clean. The truth feels good no matter the effect it has.
  8. i didnt even read it all.
    i was in a 4 year relationship where we did that "big argument" thing too often.

    i would say break up/see other people if you are thinking about it anyway.

  9. what do you mean by "more out there?"
  10. i was in a 4year relationship with my ex and i regret breaking up with her cause feelings are still there on BOTH sides.

    its been one of the hardest things i have done.

  11. same, but i have grown so much since we stopped dating.
    he is a better man now for sure.
  12. if telling you you love her feels like digging a hole, you don't love her. Go fish.
  13. im seeing my ex tonight actually, its my last night in town before i move. and we both agrreee that we will be each others last love. both got some growing up and living life to do before that can happen though!
  14. People get used to what they have. Its easier to do the same thing again than it is to start something fresh.

    If you don't have feelings though thats it. Shes nothing but company so that you aren't alone. Remember how fun it was when you first started flirting and goofing around? That is how things are supposed to be. Find a new one.

    BTW she probably already is. Girls HATE to be alone. They'd rather be with a guy they hate than be alone. I always use the analogy of using stones to cross a river. They don't take their foot off of the first stone, until they have the other foot firmly planted on the next one. Then they take their step. Other wise they risk getting wet (lonely).

    In other words she's probably sizing up new guys right now, and as soon as she finds one that she thinks she can have a relationship with... she's going to leave you with your dick in the wind. Don't be surprised if she's already cheating.
  15. stay will the chick string her along so you can keep hitting it, until the next one comes along.....naw im just kidding that's fucked, you should stay with it and give her one more chance cause from reading your post sounds like you still have feeling for this's hard to find....
  16. Seems a little pessimistic but I can understand. Kinda in the same boat with my gf, been dating for a year and a half and living together for one. Dunno how much longer it'll last. Just the same shit over and over
  17. When girls hit you with that "I love you" especially during/after sex the safest thing to say is "I care a lot about you too."

    It works and they'll understand, love really is a strong word.
  18. If there's no trust, there's no relationship. I feel that if there's any doubt in a relationship then it's not meant to be.
  19. think of this, can you see yourself with her a year from now? five years?

    if no, then dump and move on
  20. I'm sorry but i only read a few sentences and what i got from it is that she's very insecure. She can't trust you and refuses to believe you love her.

    She needs time to get her shit in line and grow up a little.

    You need to continue your relationship with Mary, so i say move on. You're young.

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