Shitty Dads For the Lose...

Discussion in 'Sex, Love & Relationships' started by olylongbord11, May 7, 2011.

  1. The title says most of it, but for the past 3 years ive been doing whatever i can to re establish a relationship with my dad, and he hasnt seem to be putting any effort back, for the most part i resent him but its times like these that ir ealize how much i really fucking msis him. I jsut wish he understood what iw as going through and would call, write a letter, something. Damnit. Its weird thinking about how im gonna be spending the rest of my life without him.
    Somebody fucking help me.
    Give me advice, something.
     
  2. idk man. I love my dad and he loves me, but he's a seriously fucked up individual and can't stand to even be around him. He's always miserable and has no problem making those around him feel the same way. He projects all of his issues onto others and honestly believe I'm the one with these problems, not him. I mean, how do you tell a crazy person that they're crazy right. He's fucking lazy and always complains so much. There's a million other things. I mean he really can't catch a break and I feel bad for him cos he gets a lot of shit thrown his way, but he kind of brings it on himself being the way he is.

    Basically I finally came to the realization that it's not my duty as a son to change him or help him get better. it's supposed to be the other way around so my only option is to just move out and start living my own life. You can't change anybody man.
     
  3. its life man. my dad was like that growing up hes also a total drug addict for anything he can get his hands on though.
    When i was 14 he sent me a birthday card and tried to get back into my life after 6 years of not talking and i never replied...And i dont regret the decision at all.
     
  4. #4 giraffe, May 7, 2011
    Last edited by a moderator: May 7, 2011
    .. im really sorry you have to go through this. What you should do is really revaluate how much he means to you. Realistically, can he make your life better? Or will he just make it harder.. Have you communicated what you want from him? Have you talked to him about how you feel let down when he doesnt make an effort? Just know that you cant change him, he has to want to change himself.

    My friend wrote her father an ultimatum, and he never even replied. For years, he made several promises he didnt keep and she would get hurt Every time. it killled me to see her like that. Finally she realized he was nothing but selfish and toxic to her life.
    I dont know what your specific situation is, but if he isnt willing to take your relationship seriously Immediately, he never will. and youre better off without him. Look for actions, not words.

    It's really confusing bcus he's your dad and all, but don't put up with anyone that causes you heartache time and time again. Goodluck mate
     
  5. Thanks guys, i think the letter thing is a good idea. Hes just not the type of person that youd confront over the phone or face to face about it, but like i said, jsut thinking about the rest of my life about him kills me, especially since tonight i was going through really old pictures of him and i from when i was a toddler and i seemed so happy:(
     
  6. #6 Cottonmouth 85, May 7, 2011
    Last edited by a moderator: May 7, 2011
    This isn't a happy statement but part of being a man means you are alone in life. Even your woman will look down on you if you are honest about how you really feel. Nobody wants the "rock" in their life crying about something. Of course, just like everyone else, we go through a life of uncertain purpose, where the highs are relatively mundane, and the lows often emotionally excruciating. But its not our lot in life to cry on someones shoulder. We are expected to be the shoulder to cry on. You're a grown ass man, and you need to keep your chin up and look forwards, not backwards. Wise men look to the horizon.

    Its an unfortunate thing but that childhood bliss and certainty ends. You gotta ask yourself are you becoming a man or a boy? Obviously you're getting older with every year, not younger. Its just a part of growing up. And it hurts. But everyone goes through it.

    One of two things will happen to you in this world. You will die, or you will watch everyone you ever cared about, and ever cared about you die, and then you'll die. Life is a zero sum endeavor and you just have to find the beauty in its impermanence. Many parts of it will hurt, and nothing is forever. The only thing certain is change. You need to look forwards and build some sorta life that will help you stay sane.

    It might seem contrived by there are some famous old lyrics about this.

    Though I don't know why I chose to smoke sess
    I guess that's the time when I'm not depressed
    But I'm still depressed, and I ask what's it worth?
    Ready to give up so I seek the Old Earth
    Who explained working hard may help you maintain
    to learn to overcome the heartaches and pain
     
  7. I completely understand what youre talking about, and it seems like i only breakdown like this once ever six months or so. Other then that, ive moved on for the most part and i believe that seeing my dad fuckup the way he did, will help me develop as a man and become the father that my dad didnt live up to be.
     
  8. We don't talk about it, but privately I think everyone breaks down every so often. Its a lot of weight that you are expected to deal with alone.

    You can talk to a therapist or something if you have the money. But they don't have any answers either. Its basically like when when your girlfriend cries to you. Its cathartic for them to express their feelings, and you comfort them as best you can, but there isn't really anything that you or anyone else can do.
     
  9. Yea im currently seeing a therapist and its helping a bit, im coming out of a really bad 2 year long depression and a consisten suicide-threatened lifestyle, but like i said, im coming out of it, thinks are going up, very slowly, but surely.
     
  10. ok i will when i sober up, too high to read at excessive amounts.. taking me 10 minutes to type this...:smoke::smoke::smoke::hello::hello::hello::smoke::smoke::smoke:
     
  11. do u mean loss?
     
  12. take care of yourself, then help some others

    if your dad can't do it, then find some brothers(sisters too but it doesn't rhyme) ;)
     
  13. my bro and i get along like no other. Damn i really wanna go rap now.
     
  14. If my kid turned out all dyslexic and what not, I'd drop him like a hot potato -- maybe even send him a note along the lines of the following:

    "Hatsa al vista bady."
     
  15. Next time you start missing him, ask yourself which version of him you are missing. The dad you remember from the toddler days or the one you have now. The past is in the past for a reason. You can't get back there other than your memories. You may possibly find that you are missing a period in your life instead of just your dad. Everybody does that. I'd also go with the letter idea. Make several drafts of it until you get it to read just how you want. Get everything you want to say to him in there. If it works, GREAT! If it doesn't, then at least you know you tried and can move on with your own life. Which is what you have to do. Remembering the past is healthy, living in it is not. I sincerely wish you the best!
     
  16. I hate my dad. He is a complete peice of shit. He was paralyzed while drunk a couple years ago and I still haven't been to visit him. He never gave any fucks about me until I turned 18 and then wanted to talk to me. I thought about meeting him until him and his trash he calls a wife denied everything he did to me and my mom so he can go suck one. His health is deteriorating and they told me (which they may have been trying to quilt trip me) that he may not have too much longer to live....so if I'm going to visit him I need to. I doubt I will.

    You don't NEED your father. I mean, not having a father fucked with me a little. I admittedly crave attention from guys because of him, but it could be worse. I want to go to law school...I'm not a stripper or a whore. I turned out okay.


    ohh...uh...there was a point to this... :hide:
     
  17. consider yourself lucky, a lot of people never knew their father.
     
  18. hey listen bro. It is nothing that you yourself have done to wrong him. After all you were his child and a child at the time he left your life. You have to do things for you and only for you. If he wants to see you or be part of your life then he will but not because you want him to.
    Who is telling you this?
    ME.
    My father was a Colonel in the US Army. Lifer.......We never connected or saw much of each other, but he did "provide" for my older brother and I. He was never there for my wrestling matches or my baseball games or my riding events or my karate belts.......NOTHING...........he was never there......I graduated High School. I thought if I went into the Army and became a Ranger that he would take notice.........I graduated my final phase and got my tab.......Not there....I graduated Basic Training.......AIT............and all sequential things after that....Not there...I got out of the military went to college graduated with a 3.9 and he was NOT there. I got married for the first time....Not There.........second time......Not there....first child he did not see for 4 years and until the second child was 1 and has never seen them since and they are almost old enough to drive and he has since passed.
    You know actions speak very loud. It took me forever to figure out this motherfucker just does not give a fuck one bit about me and why should I spend my time my worries my troubles trying to find something to make him respond to me.
    Well, here it is in the here and now.............he has past away and I never saw him, did not go to his funeral and have not gone to his grave...........after all what was I to him? What is he to me? What he is to me and this is my final conclusion is he was a sperm donor that I got to meet once or twice. Yes That is it. That is all he is and ever was. Maybe yours is the same.
    FUCK IT BRO......................live and let live...fuck him....go on with your life as he is with his............it is him who is missing out.
    Remember:
    "that which does not kill me; only serves to make me stronger!"
    Peace Brother.
    :wave:
     

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