ive got a few.. a couple weeks ago me and my boyfriend were having sex on his couch he was on top and he had my legs up in the air and my ass propped up on a couple pillows. he was really drunk and had almost fallen off the couch twice. i felt us start to lean to the side and i was like "baby we're falling" and he said "...yepp.... and we fell on the floor laughing..it was funny another time, we were in my car outside one of his friends houses and we were going at it when we heard his friends outside the car laughing and cheering him on lmao and he farted really loud and they all thought it was me *very embarassing* to this day everybody calls me little pussy fart
hahah i can picture that first one. Slowly falling over like "....yep.....*BOOM*" a week or 2 ago me and my girl were fuckin in the living room on the floor, and she was just about to cum (my girls pretty damn loud too) when a cop knocks at our door. She jumped up and ran to the bathroom and i put some pants on real quick and opened the door lol. There was a mark in the carpet where i was laying on my back, and you could almost see a perfect person imprint. He had to have heard something, and he kept looking at the floor where the imprint was. This cop came by a few days before then too, it was about some shit between my girl & her g-pa, so we knew the cop would come back, just not then! not as funny as a lot of these stories, but it was pretty funny shit.
wow honestly if my girl did that to me i throw her into the streets naked and scream "COME GET IT" or just poo on her next time which i ever i thought was necessary
awesomely drunk, i was. the guy was standing by the door pulling up his pants me and my friend still naked in bed giggling. godddddd can you imagine what her poor mom was thinking??
One time I was going at it hard and it was dark in my room and I had a slip and fell off the fucking bed lol I was so embaressed I had blue balls the rest of the night too it sucked cause me and my girl at the time were laughing so hard.
well i had a friend of mine over and i was jokin around wit her sayin' oh yo you remember how we used to fuck around alot? and shes like yea and i'm still ready for it any time, so i said yea? aight let's get to it. So I start doin' my thin ya know fingerin' her, suckin' on her tittie and she was like eat me out... I was like what? what the fuck did you say? and she just had a big smile on her face and I was thinkin' oh hell no this bitch must be crazy, so i was like aight lets fuck already. I start hittin' it from behind ya know givin it to her, and after awhile i'm enjoyin myself and i could have sworn I heard a knock on my door and the next thin I know my heart stopz and I cum right inside her. I'm like oh fuck I blew it... I just stopped and said uhh I gotta go to the bathroom real quick. I just couldn't believe it
Prepare for explicit. I had just had my 4 wisdom teeth pulled that morning, and my girlfriend comes over. She brings me dinner and I'm like "hell ya, don't gotta make shit". Like it mattered, would have only been yogurt or something anyway. Then she even gives me a back massage. Killer night so far, especially considering my pain was way low, I didn't need the painkillers at all. Then she tells me how she's going to completely take care of me tonight. AWESOME. The only problem from the surgery was I was bleeding pretty bad, I had finally slowed it down a bit though, so at least I didn't have to spit blood anymore. I finish and she swallows then comes up to eye level and says "you always taste great". Bad timing, but I exhaled a sudden violent sneeze of blood right in her face from like 6 inches. I freaked and apologized and she recovered and we slowly started to laugh it off, no hard feelings.
Let's just say Lot lizards arent always what they may seem to be paid good money for a tranny and this bitch has a vagina? wtf!!!!
Back in grade 10. There was this girl that ended up in 3/4 of my classes first semester. She was a babe and we did every group assignment together. One time i was at her house, blazed a J on the way there, mind you. Trying to work on a science project I believe, with 2 other people in the group. One a really nerdy guy that we had to do our work for us, and another this girls close friend. I would keep spacing out and just stairing at her tits. haha I got a few awkward stares back and I explaned that I was pretty high and that the Nerd and the girls friend should GTFO. I got a lecture about how 'Marijuana is gross and dirty' from the nerd, before i told him again to GTFO. Well these 2 leave and my friend asks what was that about? You usually don't act like this when you're high. My response was something along the lines of "Well... I really like you and you are really gorgeous and I want to fuck you." Not the most subtle way I suppose. I didn't wait for an answer and i made my move and started kissing her, shit progressed and we did the deed. Her dog pushes the door open and we don't notice him or the door. He trots on over and starts licking her boob when we're fucking. I was laughing so hard and she was trying to get the dog to go away, "Stop licking my boob! go away! etc." Well, somewhere in here her father came home and i geuss he heard her yelling at the dog, walks up the stairs, looks through the open door and sees me fucking his daughter at 4:00 in his house on his goddamn coach. He only saw me like 3 times beforehand, and he thought i was fucking raping his daughter. Imagine trying to explain that one blazed, but somehow i managed to get out alive and built a pretty good relationship with the father in the future. wow that was a long story, thanks for jogging my memory GC!
OK in the last post I said I have a similar story here we go.. So I was over at this chicks house we just got home from school (we were friends with bennys) anyhow we somehow started messin' around and were havin' sex in the kitchen after about 15 minutes we can hear the garage door open and she yells "MY mom's home" so we hurry and get dressed and as we're gettin' dressed she's freakin' out yellin' "where's my panties, where the fuck are my panties!!" after a lil while she just puts on her pants without panties and so we pretend that we was cookin' lunch the whole time.. so her mom walks in and she gives us a funny look and says "how long have you guys been here?" she replys "we just got here, we're makin lunch" her mom says "what else have you guys been doin'?" she replys "mom we just got here get off my back" her mom says "looks like you guys been doin' more then that!!" as she rips the missing panties out that was tucked into my belt I turn beet red immediately.. and her mom is like "ERICA... YOU BETTER NOT BE HAVING SEX IN MY KITCHEN!!!" and they're those type of people with the super immaculately clean house and they're all rich and shit.. and her mom is like you better not get pregnant.. and just goin' off it wouldn't have been so awkward if they weren't so rich and proper but either way it was very uncomfortable now that I think of it I think there's a thread "caught having sex " I should be posting these there but what-evs but I have more where these came from I'll post more later
its always a laugh when you're all good but your girl hasn't finished cleaning up, or getting dressed and she stands up and starts dripping on the fucking carpet
First time I ever (tried) having sex I was too drunk to get it up and in all the way. We were in the middle of a field absolutely hammered... And by field I mean somebody's back yard down the street from her. Still got some good head.
when i was living in the dorms, i had a single, so it was sweet. anyways me and this girl were goin' at it, and I'm poundin' it and nibbling on her neck a little bit and somehow in this whole arrangement we both move a little too fast or something and I end up headbutting my headboard and part of the wall directly behind it. Sooo, while still inside of her I exclaim "oh fucking dirty motherfucker" and she's like wtf? and I'm laying there for a second like...oooowwww, cause at this point I'm just tired and in considerable amount of pain. She bends over on all fours and looks back at me while she's playing with herself a little bit... I'm like wooow *bong hit....exhale* woooow. So i got my toke on and then went back to business and it was oh-so-ridiculously amazing. Felt so good when I finished it felt like I was gonna have a seizure, I was all kinds of shivery...mmmm
these aren't too funny, but whatever. this one time my boyfriend at the time were at school in the washroom, about to.. yeah.. and then his friends ended up walking in the bathroom, so like, we sat on the toilet, and i had my feet up so they'd only see his. well they ended up staying in the bathroom for fricken' ever, and so he said he was taking a dump or something.. and well, i accidentally ended up flushing the toilet at one point, but no one said anything. ut then it got quite and i thought they had left so i ended up standing up, and made instant eye contact with this one guy. so yeah.. we were busted. i was completely embarrassed. he just laughed... but a while afterwards the upstairs washrooms got locked, and everyone blamed it on people having sex in there. which totally wasn't the reason, but whatever! ..dad blew in once, started freaking right out, screaming at him to leave. i had heard him on his way up, so we were mostly dressed.. but he was pulling on his shirt when he blew in. turns out my dad thought there was a fight.. didn't even know the reason. (brother was freaking..) we had these like, heated condoms or whatever.. and he was about to put it in, but then he's like, "AHHH! hot!" as he all whipped it off.. haha. apparently it burnt him or something. only ones i can think of... from a long time ago.
i got a few haha... first time i tried bein an asshole to get laid worked wonders. fucked on some playground equipment by the girls house (haha), she asked me how it was after and i said "i've had better", she was obviously offended and asked me "why are you being such an asshole all of a sudden?" one time had a girl on riding me, and she started her period, and it was nothing light. it was dark and i just felt it get really slippery, then she started freaking out, stopped, so i turned on a light and it looked like i'd murdered someone with my dick. getting those little airpockets in the vag is always amusing, and for some reason embarrasing for every girl i've met. you know what i'm talkin about, when you pull out, then go back in, and it sounds like a fart. i've had sex and the girl's dog would not get off the bed, so i just kept pounding away while the dog watched with my sack flappin 6inches from its snout.