Ok, Heres the situation. Over my winter break I met this girl. We dated for a bit and then I asked her out in January and that was that. Things went smooth as well fell very hard in love with eachother. Now a lot has happened but I will sum it up quick and then explain it. Recently she has admitted she is a pathological liar when breaking up came into play, but only about a few small things. After talking with her ex...I realized my assumptions were true. She has been an amazing girlfriend...but is a pathological liar to the extreme. So the first of the lies.. about her ex boyfriend for 3 years. Which was really 9. Then how he raped her and got her pregnant. Didn't happen. Then her GPA of 4.3 being the second highest in the country and how she has a free ride to Yale...yes shes smart, but not that smart. Then I pledge a fraternity and she comes up with a lie about how she got raped a while ago at her cousins college. Another boyfriend lie how he knocked her out with one punch and raped her. How her real mother died, shes adopted(not a lie), and left her 500,000. Bs. How her parents beat her and her mom is an alcoholic and all this shit. How they make her pay rent etc. Yeah right they make her pay rent but give her 100's of dollars a month. And they seem like the best parents in the world to me. How she got in a car accident on super bowl Sunday...didn't happen. How she did coke and sold drugs to buy her car....Mommy and daddy did. I could go on, and on but I think you get the idea and severity of it. That brings me to current day. About a week ago I got her to admit some lies and admitted she needed help and was a pathological liar. She also admitted how she manipulated her feelings and turned my own emotions against me. Also how she was far too controlling. Also she would also bring these, do this or I will break up/cheat on you situations to force me to do things. Now I have extremely strong feelings for this girl, I would even go as far to say as I love her. I say this because I feel so and I highly doubt anyone would even be with her at this point if they didn't love her. A lot of my time of the past 4 months or so has been spent with her, a lot. She has been a good girlfriend however, besides what I states. I have spent about 100 dollars on her while she has spent in the thousands on me. I go to college about an hour and 15 mins away so she has spent a lot on gas. Grasscity....what do I do.... This saterday, the day after her prom, I am secretly meeting with her ex boyfriend, the most important one. He has always warned me about her being full of shit from day one but I believed what she said at first. We talked online last night, and he told me some of the similar lies she told him. He has some stuff to show me so it should be interesting. What I feel I need to do is to give her an ultimatum: Either she comes clean about every lie and I am willing to start over...or its done with us. I am her everything, besides her one other friend so this will be interesting to see if she can come forward or not. Its just very hard to picture life without her.
You honestly believed she had a higher grade than a 4.0? Sounds like she's less of a pathological liar, and more of someone who deeply needs attention and is willing to exaggerate, or make up stuff in order to get it. Real pathological liars don't go around telling people they are one..
I think a better ultimatum would be "either you and I go together for counseling and start over, or it's done"...coming clean with you won't help her to stop lying. She'll just pile on new ones.
I still think she just said that so you'd stay around, I know girls who do this kind of thing just to keep boyfriends, and friends. She just wants attention, plain and simple.
Hm she did agree to go to counseling but I didnt think of it together. How hard is it to get into a relationship counselor? Like timewise. This cant go on too much longer because we were seriously considering going to school together and it would be terrible if we broke up there. And coming clean does need to come first before counseling. At least for me. Im also scared to break up with her because I dont want rape/abuse lies spread about me you know.
That right there says an awful lot. I know you say that you love her, but if you're worried about this I think she's more trouble than she's worth. But I don't know her or you personally, so I really can't say.
Don't ever be scared to leave a realtionship with anyone, I mean what you gunna wait 10-15 years so you can end this thing violently? Bottom line, there's no place for liars in relationships
If she lied that much, it sounds like you fell in love with someone else, not the girl that you now know. If she was willing to lie about all of that, how do you know a majority of the things she has told you are true. Without trust in a relationship, it won't last. Bottom line. Sorry if I seem short here, but I'm just throwing out my 2 cents.
You should just leave her if she's not going to be honest with you. That's the most important thing in a relationship.
I actually DID have a gpa higher than 4.0 in high school. we had a sliding scale based on course level. Remedial or standard classes (why they were lumped together, i don't know) were worth 4.0, advanced were 5.0, and honors/AP were 6.0. I had a 4.43, which translated to a 3.75 somehow, or at least that's what my transcript told me, so gpa's like that are out there, not that I buy 4.3 gets you into yale for free. I was rejected by harvard, yale, brown, and washington university of St. Louis. Basically every super well-respected academic school I applied to, and my gpa was higher than 4.3. So exactly how many times does this girl claim she's been raped? you listed 3 times just right there. That shit's not cool. That's how lives get ruined, crying rape. You're obviously on the fence about the situation, so obviously you want to stay with her despite your better judgement. The heart wants what the heart wants, right? I say, as long as she'll come clean with all the stuff she can remember lying about, since you need that, and start going to counseling (lying like that, from what i've seen, comes from daddy issues, just like virtually every other deep-seated psychological problem in women), then see if you can't be there for her while she tries to get that lying thing fixed. She's obviously got a lot of other great qualities if you're thinking of staying with someone who constantly lies. I've got a buddy, who's definitely in my top 5 friends of all time, that lies through his teeth constantly. It's always about bullshit, like how he did a backflip on his snowboard and then got to bang 3 girls at the same time in the hot tub cause they all saw it. Shit like that to look cool. I just laugh at him, call him a loser, and move on, cause he really is a fantastic friend, and as long as there's no one around that he feels like he needs to impress, he's cool as shit. So I know just a little about having friends like that, and how they can be alright despite the bullshit. I say stick with her on a trial basis, see if she makes any progress here in the next month or so. Make sure she knows that if she doesn't get this lying thing handled, you'll be out the door for good.
I've heard of this shit. Real fucked up. People lie so they can get other people to like them. Just to make you think she's great and such but she's probably not. Talk with her about her problem. Seems like a great girl and such. She might just want attention and lies. Theres a reason trust me, a reason for everything that happens. Have her explain why she does that. Of course she's lying, you can't go over 4.0 GPA and all that other shit she said NEVER happened so there you go. Don't flip on her though, she just has a mental problem. Teach her like you don't have to lie to get people to like you, just be yourself and shit. Don't break up with her. You'll most likely regret if you do or come running back to her.
All of the lies that you mentioned dont seem that manipulative or hurting you, just ploys for attention. I think that she has insecurity issues, and sees that you I guess blaze and go to college and are put in situations where there are other girls who are older and more experianced. Thus to seem like someone who is more interesting or could compete with these older women, she makes shit up so you think shes cool/interesting. I would say counsling would be the best option, because I dont think that this is some incurable problem, she just needs some help realizing you love her for her, not some character shes invented.
my opinion would be dont take any help here seriously. that seems like a pretty serious condition, and there is defenitaly an underlying emotion playing. it could be attention, but regardless, when somone makes up lies they normally slowly justify them in their head over time. so example for the rape things, there are probably point were she might really believe that, and only trouble can ensue. go to a real doctor, or even just read online waht you can. if you and her both work on it im sure this can be overcome.
Mannn...FUCK that shit. I wouldn't stay with any girl that just lied to me over and over and OVER again. How could you EVER possibly trust that person if you just keep catching them in lies? Seriously though, I'd try and get out of that relationship as quickly as possible cuz that girl has some issues...lying about getting raped? wow...just wow. How do you lie about something that serious? honestly? For attention? That's really low
I'm assuming shes in high school cause he mentioned a prom. I know highschools here on longisland, at least the few around my area go up to a 4.5 GPA. Strange as hell but they do, I had a 4.1. My girlfriend had a 4.3 and always brought it up saying she was smarter than me