Separation headed for divorce, hard

So many different emotions.

Things hadn't been good for a while. The yelling had become constant. The air was thick with disdain. I still loved my wife.

Things had been thrown at my head. Glass door showers almost broken from her beating on them, her anger was uncontrollable.

The fights had become "you didn't get me Mt. Dew when you went to pick up your son from school" which she hadn't asked for. Or "Why did you buy cheese when we have some".

The last fight we had, it was bad. She's yelling in the backyard about the plants I'm growing. Yelling about my son being a child molester (caught my 11 yr old kissing with her 8yr old in October).

So I left, after being shoved in the chest. After all she had said, I took my children and left my own house. Went to stay with my dad the first week of may.

She had just said on fb publicly on 4/23 how awesome a husband I was, how quickly it devolved. But as I said, this isn't the first fight, it usually came and went in ways. I love you, I hate you kind of thing.

Anyway, I think it's over now. She moved out, lives in a house with pill heads and Mexican gangsters I shit you not.

I've destroyed my grow setup out of fear. My kids are afraid of her violence. She's tall, so am I. I don't hit women though, and she was pushing me to almost do that. I had to go.

She called yesterday and said she was coming to the house with the police to get the rest of her stuff, and she was going to show them pics of my grow setup. Yes she knew and was all on board with my growing, she smoked more then I did. 5, 6 times a day kind.

Long story, many facets. I came to the decision last night that I wanted it over myself. She'd already been telling folks it was a divorce a week ago. I tried to talk her down, but she won't even talk to me face to face. So two nights ago, while laying in bed, I cleared my thoughts and realized this relationship is just no good for me and my two children. I fear for her two children, and part of the reason I was trying to salvage it was for them. If there were no kids involved, I would have left her months ago.

But now I am alone. I fear the future alone. Life sucks at times. I realize this is all grief. I go between anger, depression, and sometimes it feels like acceptance. Then I slide back.

This has been all in the last two weeks. I've had family supporting me. They love me regardless. My two kids love me and support me.

How does one move on? And stay sane?

 

What else can you do when someone is yelling it out as loud as is humanly possible.

I cleared the house of anything illegal.

Sad day here at the house. The kids staying with me most of the time which is good.

She left me dirt poor, took every cent I had in the banking account. I took my name off of it last week. So it's like I'm starting over with nothing. I would like to travel, get away from here on the weekends I don't have the kids. I have them every week M-F during the school year. They really do help. We piled up on the couch last night and watched avatar.

The stages of grief rough though. And when they aren't here, this ending is pretty much all I can think about

 

I stock up on food. While she raided my pantry pretty good, I still have enough to get by until the next payday.

Yeah, I have my two kids from a previous relationship. Everyone says I'm an awesome dad, so I've got that going for me.

She goes nuts like this when she gets hot tempered. It's honestly best that it's over. I let her step mother know what was going down last week, she told me to let her go, and don't look back.

I told her I think she's bipolar and needs meds. She said she doesn't need meds. I told her to quit toking for a day and see what that does to her physically.

Me, I'm good on that front. Just going to take a tbreak for a while. I may have some here and there when I'm with friends and family, but I don't want any in my possession. I'm to freaked she's going to call the law in me.

I just don't hit, shove, push women. It's not how I was raised. Unless a woman was going to hurt my kids, I wouldn't lash out physically.

My family tells me I'm a tall, good looking guy for being almost 37. Going to Bonnaroo in a few weeks. That made me feel like an asset, because friends rented an rv in the agreement I'd pay for half. We'll now I can't, but they said they understand what's going down, and not to worry.

Awesome friends.

Taking a 26 yr old female friends with me instead of my soon to be ex. I'm just no where near ready for a relationship to start looking for another right now. I'm destroyed mentally and emotionally

 

The kids definitely help.

It's just taking one day at a time right now. Thank God for the support I'm getting from family and friends. Without them I'd be lost.

We made it solely on my income most days, and honestly she spent way more then she ever brought it.

The sticking point, for me, is I loved this woman. Still do if I'm going to be honest.

It's hard to be Spock, and emotionless. I know I can make ends meet better, and have more money without her and her two children.

The soon to be ex, I can learn to live without. But she's alienated me from the stepchildren I loved like my own, and I know I'll probably never see them again. I worry about the environment she's moving them into.

She called me Saturday saying she wanted to stay here every other week with her kids so they didn't have to live "in a house with a woman who is so stoned on pills she can't remember a conversation an hour before, who has Mexican gangsters with tear drops tattooed under their eyes". I shit you not that's what she said.

I said we'd talk about it Sunday, Sunday came and went, and we never talked. I guess she's made her choice. This was basically playing on my emotions for her children's safety. So I decided that night it was over, and I could no longer take this kind of emotional abuse.

She had already moved out and messaged our friends saying to choose between us anyway.

Funny thing, most chose me, except the ones she had from before.

I talked to her step mother Monday night again, she told me she reached out to her dad, so I'm hoping she moves back to our hometown. At least there she has people. Even those people, her own family told me she was nuts, leave her.

Sad it's come to this. I really thought I could make this work.

 

Luckily, I live in Tennessee. They don't play the alimony game here.

House has been in my name, and stayed only in my name. I bought it two years before we were married. So I don't have to worry about the house.

I told her if she comes after my house, I'll just file for chapter 7 and start over, nobody would get anything.

Already talked to a lawyer, I don't have much to worry about, as far as assets

 

Thanks for all the support guys.

It's rough, better overall everyday. But there are moments....