Hi guys, I'm Chris, and I'm 19. This is a story about when I had Just turned 16, and the entire story will be told in present tense. Today was my birthday. Some background, my mom was a cop for 12 years but fired for using too much aggression or something like that. I was a troubled child at age 12, no drugs or alcohol, not even pot, just a troubled child that grew up with abusive parents. I was running away, stealing, cutting myself, just stupid stuff. Well I was escorted to WinGate Wilderness therapy (Where crack heads/heroin addicts go). I don't have enough time to explain how terrible wilderness is, but lets just say in the 14 years they've been open I was the youngest admission they had ever had, there average age being 16 and 17, also one of the very few not there for drugs. Well after 11 weeks (I was stubborn at first) I was sent to Cherry Gulch, an all boys boarding school. This was not as bad, as I came out of WinGate a new person. I graduated this boarding school the fastest anyone had ever graduated. I moved up a level every single time I could except for 2 times. Well I came home after 1 1/2 years of treatment and my 7th and 8th grade years gone from my childhood. Sure, some people(including my mom's parent counselor- she was reccomended one from my boarding school and wilderness) thought Wilderness was an extreme overreaction, but it got the job done, so it seemed. Well 6 days, not even a full week, after I return home, my sister gets sent to WinGate 3 days before her 16th birthday. Now my sister is not like me in any way. She's always had straight A's, never even smelled pot or alcohol, was a huge tomboy as a kid, and a nerd-ish person in highschool, that hung out with hardcore WoW players and shit like that. EVERYONE in my entire extended family thought this was crazy. But she thought hey, it helped my son, why not make my daughter even better. Well after that she also got sent to a boarding school, Sunrise Academy. After 13 months she comes home, pretty much the same person. Except now she can't even look at my mom without frowning. Now When I got home, and after my sister got sent away, my mom and I were still getting in these huge fights, and I had an epiphany. Sure I had problems, but maybe the biggest problem was with my mom. She's been divorced, every guy she's ever dated has broken up with her not the other way around, infact once when I was 12 this one guy she dated for a few months told me (after they fought and he was leaving) "I feel sorry for you that you have to live with this crazy bitch, I've tried to make this work, but her views are too fucked up." and then left. Well 3 weeks into being home, what do you know I was cutting myself, being stupid. Things were not looking well for me and I was convinced my life was going to be one full of programs and lock-downs. Well my mom signed me up for a summer program thing that was a transition program for kids coming home from boarding school called Ryther. There was this other teen there named Josh. Josh was the coolest to me and I looked up to him. One day him and I hung out after the camp, and he pulled out a joint. I go "i don't smoke cigarettes" (it was a cig looking paper for public). He laughs and says "me neither, this is all natural dro man. No peer pressure or anything though, I can just smoke this myself and we can go chill more." or something along those lines. My eyes widened and I was like "hell yeah man" So i took you know like the 2 or 3 wimpy ass hits a first timer would. Well I was blown, still feeling fuzzy the next morning. Well this changed my life. I had never been so stress free, so happy, and when I came down I had no low of any kind. It was like I was really tired at the end and then all of a sudden had all this energy. Now I didn't know the difference between drugs, so I thought pot had hangovers like booze. (stupid I know). Well at first I only bought from Josh, because I had no idea that weed was on every block downtown Seattle (10 min away). Well I went through a phase for about 3 months where I would buy a 30 or 40 sack from Josh every week or two, whenever I got the chance, and just stay lifted for days (miss that low tolerance huh?). Well I started Freshman year, and 1 month in I had landed a job at an expensive meat shop that was less than a year old. I was about 14 1/2 I would say, and I started out makin about 150-200$ every 2 weeks. Not sure if it was legal for me to work with knives at that age, but my boss is a drunk, and honestly I just don't think he cares, cause I don't bitch at him or snitch to corporate when he's constantly drinking on the job, or on those rare occasions, our cooking wine. Well I was buying about 150$ of weed every 2 weeks. I had just realized how much weed is everywhere, and no longer had to take the bus 2 hours to Josh. Although i still buy from him sometimes. Well the first 4 months of Freshman year I finished off the first semester with all A's, and a 3.925 GPA. That report card is the best report card I have ever had, and it's been on my wall ever since. See I've always been a C, D, and F student, so this was great news. Well since my tolerance was still pretty low, I NEVER ran out of weed, always having some leftover from the 2 weeks before. Smoking from an hour after I wake up (I never feel like smokin right when I wake up, but do an hour after it's weird) to an hour before I went to bed (always before 9pm when high all day. I miss those days I was never tired during the day). Well you know, time goes by, tolerance goes up. So eventually it got to where I was running out of weed a few days before my paycheck, and i just lived those sober and smoked resin at night haha, kind of a system. Well when I was sober for a few days out of every week my grades started to slip a little more than they originally were. Well my best friend, Hunter, told me he didn't believe I wasn't addicted, and bet me I couldn't stop for 3 months. Well, I was no pussy, and I accepted the challenge. And I'm not going to lie, I did think about it prolly about 20 times the first day, and a few the second, and the first night I didn't fall asleep until like 2 or 3 in the morning. It was terrible. But the next night I was so tired I just passed out at 10, and my sleeping was fine after that. Although If I don't smoke pot I don't go to bed until about 12 at least, and I've always been a night owl, staying up till 2 and waking up at 7 to rush to school. When I smoked pot- asleep at 7-9, awake at 3:50am every morning (I do most of my homework in the mornings, it's just easier). So, I stopped for 3 months, and in that 3 months, whoo did shit go down. About 3-5 weeks after stopping I had a couple F's and the rest were B's and one C. My depression had come back, and my anxiety and panic attacks had come back. My mom even realized this and ask if I'd like to go back on Cymbalta and Remeron. And ever since smoking I have become the BIGGEST Anti-drug/pharmaceutical person I have ever met. Not seen, theres bigger ones on TV and stuff, but met. I've organized over 6 Ecstasy rallies, where we spread the word about how bad that shit is. I also am VERY strong in my belief against ciggarettes (sorry smokers). I'm not annoying about it and bitch at people, because unfortunately everyone smokes nowadays, including over half my friends. (I hate it when were hotboxing and they pull out a cig. It's like you can get da fuck out and smoke that cancer outside) Whenever I see kids selling mushrooms at my school or thiz I'm always talking to the kid that bought it right after he/she does and just talk to them, sometimes they listen, sometimes they don't. I'm not going to lie, when I came back from boarding school and started smoking I also experimented with ecstasy, mushrooms, salvia, and cough syrup (bad idea that shits addictive before you even know it), and not experimenting, but I had 1/5 of vodka every 2 weeks, not healthy at my age. Well There is no such thing as "recreation" when it comes to ecstasy with me. I did it every week for a month and a half, along with 7 shroom trips, and about 10 cough syrup trips. Well I always felt like shit, and this one time I was standing in front of the mirror looking at myself. I looked like shit, felt like shit, everything was shit. I thought "My life is not going to get better if I keep this up, only worse." And I didn't actually stop until 3 weeks after that, but that idea stuck in my head 24/7 and it just killed me. But that was all in about a 2 1/2 month period during the summer I got home. Well I'm proud to say I have done no drugs except for Cannabis, and the occasional beer at work. (My boss buys these 14% 22oz ones that just fucking crush me) But even that I still have been cutting back on. Well I didn't even finish Freshman year. My obsessive compulsiveness came back and I wrote a note to a friend that said "yeah right if he won the election someone would bomb the school" I was referring to this one kid that we all hated (just a dick to 'challenged' people) And he was running for school elections. YES- The note was completely my FAULT. Well the teacher I guess picked it up or something, and 2 weeks later I'm called to the office and theres 4 cops there and I receive an emergency-expulsion. Well my mom came, we drove home, got inside, she pulled all of my stuff out, threw it outside in the rain on mud, said I'm done being your parent" and closed the door. Well I slept in the village that night, well, not slept, but huddled outside a heat vent outside a community center. I was 14 at this time. The next day my sister called my grandma to ask if where I was because my mom just answered "I don't know I don't care". Well my grandma found me, and took me in. After 1 1/2 months I was taken back into school after a Psychological Exam, now this is the big one. My 3 months had ended a couple weeks after my expulsion, and so I immediately grabbed the pipe. When I went to the thing I had been smoking A LOT for about 3 or 4 weeks (I had a lot of weed saved from the 3 months before). Now this psych exam was not some psychiatrist you drive to. This was Dr Todd Corelli (spelled something like that look him up). This was the exact same guy that had done my exam my 1st month in Wilderness, almost 2 years before. The results of my first one (age 12) were CRAZY. I was diagnosed with depression, manic anxiety, PTSD (They said it was from an abusive child hood [dad]), and VERY high in the obsessive compulsive category. Well once he flew out to Seattle, we drove to a hotel where he was staying and I did tests upon tests, and talked to him for 6 1/2 HOURS! 2 weeks later we get my tests back, THEY WERE FUCKING AWESOME. He said there were almost no signs of depression or anxiety, no more than a healthy teenager, the PTSD was non-existent (they think I might not have had it in the first place, idk), and my Obsessive Compulsive Disorder was far smaller than it used to be. Well 3 days later I went back to school! YAY! Well I went throught that summer living at my grandma's, got my hours raised, making 3-400$ every two weeks, and I had never gotten in trouble with the law or my grandma or anything, and have still been living here. I switched schools to Ballard High, a public highschool, and my grades were BACK BABY! The first report card was great. That just came out 2 weeks ago actually. I have 5 core classes out of 6 (trying to have a kick ass senior year so getting all the hard shit out a the way), Geometry, English, History, Biology, and French. Design is my only elective. Well I went to my moms 4 days ago to visit my little brother and hang out with him. I accidentally left my phone there, and well yeah she just went throught it. So My mom comes by that same night, ignores my grandma and comes downstairs, asks me where all my stuff is, won't answer why, grabs my shit, tells me I'm not going to school in the morning and that she'll pick me up at 8:15. Okay....... So the next day comes and we go to her parent counselor (the one she was recommended) Well we have a huge meeting, I share my feelings for cannabis, tell them my story, and at the end I'm like, but I really need to get to school it's hard to make stuff up that you never learned. She goes, "your not going back to school, were getting in the car and driving to Utah and I'm dropping you off at WinGate. At this moment My and Michelle's (parent counselor) eyes widened and our mouths dropped. I stood up just reacting, and michelle says 'maybe we should think about this'. My mom says no my decision's final let's go. My life flashes through my eyes and I just duck for the door and walk outside in tears just not being able to believe how fast my life flipped from fine to shit. I walked downtown until I could find a phone and called my grandma, I tell her what my mom said and she starts crying and says "Don't go home, that's the first place she'll look. Go to uncle Ian's and we'll try to talk some sense into her. But I wasn't sure if my mom had already gotten to him telling him I'm some manipulator and if i came to call her, so i told her I couldn't, but i wasn't ever planning on running away and just wanted to go to school and go home. This is seattle, and it's november, so it was freaking cold. I took the bus to school and finished the last 2 classes without any of my stuff, but i was there and learned. Then I called my grandma and she took me to her house. More shit happened with my mom, but she promised us we would talk before making hasty decisions, and that i would go to school in the morning, (this morning) Well I went up with my backpack all ready for my sister to pick me up and I see my grandma in tears and she just grabs me and hugs me for 5 minutes and told me "your mom just called, she's driving over to pick you up and drive to WinGate. I was just like Grandma, it's okay, I promise I'm not going to go to wingate. There's too many people telling her to stop for her to get away with this. But my mom came, and SHE BROUGHT MY 9 YEAR OLD BROTHER THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE IN SCHOOL. She says get in the car were going. I say no mom I need to go to school like a normal child and you need to ground me for smoking like a normal parent. She was trying to grab me and I backed up to head for the back door and she starts GRABBING MY HAIR AND PULLING IT. It hurt more than anything I've ever experienced and was the scariest experience i've ever had. I was on the floor trying to get away and she was holding on to my hair. My grandma was screaming "KRISTI STOP!! KRISTI!!!" My little brother was crying, I was crying and just trying to get away. Keep in mind I am an EXTREMELY non violent person. I have never layed a hand on my mom and have slapped a kid in 6th grade. Other than that I have never been in my fight, and don't plan to. So I was not hitting or kicking back, just trying to get away. I felt hair actually come out (You can see a very red small baldspot on the top of my head if you pull away hair) when that happened my body physically jolted and just pushed back and she pulled to the left and my head just slammed into the door. I couldn't handle this and my head was spinning and I felt like I was going to throw up and pass out. It was the scariest moment of my life. I finally retreated to my grandma's bedroom, which the bed separated me and my mom. My mom was at the door and I was on the otherside of the bed near the windows. For about 5 minutes we fought, She said stuff like "Look what pot has done to your life! Why will you not let us help you and stop this madness!" And i would say, "POT DID NOT CAUSE THIS. I have been smoking for 2 years and nothing like this has EVER happened. YOU CAUSED THIS" And she would be like "look what your doing to your brother! Look how much your hurting him!" And I would say "ME!? I am not the person that purposely brought him to something that YOU KNEW WOULD TURN OUT LIKE THIS! He is supposed to be in school right now! You ARE HIS PARENT! It is your responsibility to shelter him from things like this!" And at one point she was like "do you want your brother to think your some drugaddict!?" And I said "I'm not a drug Addict mom! You drink 3 or 4 glasses of wine a night and your calling me the addict! You want me to stop for a month and get tested? Cause i have before and I will again, it's easy. I'd like to see you give up your precious booze for one night!" And then my mom was like, "If your not going to go I have people ready to come pick you up." And I was like "I'm not going to wilderness again." So she grabs the phone and calls my UNCLE IAN! HAH! I just stand there as she argues with him, hangs up, and calls my UNCLE JERRY! At this point, she says, "he's lying, stealing, running away, taking drugs, skipping school, failing," This is literally the SHIT SHE IS SAYING. LIKE SHE HAS GIVEN UP AND IS JUST FLAT OUT LYING. I was saying into the phone, "Talk to your mom Jerry, ask her how out of control I am and how I'm 'failing school and running away' Because I'm not! She just called Ian and he said no." I was yelling this across the bed so I wasn't sure if he could hear, but soon enough he asks to talk to my grandma, so I was like thank you god! After 5 minutes she gives the phone back to my mom and tells her to go talk in the garage. and she goes "So he can run away? I don't think so" And my grandma goes Chris will you stay in the living room while your mom talks? And I say sure grandma. And she goes and talks for like 20 minutes while I tried to act like everything was fine with my brother. My grandma told me she had talked to him and he was going to try and talk her out of it. Well she left without saying anything and handed the phone to me. Jerry says "look chris, I know your mom's overreacting, but it doesn't make your decision right." and he went on about his two sons. (He has these kids that are 25 and 23 and have been on and off heroin addicts for like 10 years, just hugggge losers. However I've talked to BOTH of them, and they both drank before they smoked pot, because that's what was around the house. HOWEVER NO ONE BLAMES ALCOHOL. NO POT'S DEFINITELY WHAT DID IT. So I went to school, and afterwards my grandma picks me up and calls my mom. It's a car phone thingy so we could both hear and talk. She said, AND I QUOTE "It's become obvious to me you are not willing to cooperate with me and go to the program I choose, so if you continue to use drugs [she means weed] then I will have no option but to kick you out of this family, and you will be the states problem." And my grandma said with tears "Kristi do you mean Foster Care?" And she responds "That's exactly what I said" and hangs up. Now my uncle Jerry, my grandma, and I all sat down for 2 hours and talked. And we just kind of agreed I would stop smoking pot, and go to see my mom's parent counselor (michelle) once a week. Along with getting weekly random+monitored drug tests. You know, where they watch you hold your private and pee. Yeah I def want hella strangers looking at my wang every week. And he said, if at any point you feel you tried and you still think pot's a negative in my life, then I should tell him. And I was like, what's the point, that's just putting foster care off for a couple months? and we just kind of went home. So I don't know, I promised my grandma I'd stop so we can try this "plan" out. Because they think this is not a healthy way of dealing with my anxiety and depression, and pumping me full of pharmaceuticals is. I don't know if you've ever been on anti-depressants but they TURN YOU INTO A DRONE. Maybe not everyone's experience, but I am such a drone on anti depressants I feel nothing. My sleep patterns are always fucked up, and they mess up my appetite. I said I've tried pills they don't work. Cannabis is the best anti-depressant there is, and my behavior has obviously improved not degraded. They said, "because pot's illegal". So I hand them a card and say we can go there and I can get prescribed it for depression and manic anxiety and it would be completely LEGAL. "No, everyone knows pot has no medical benefits, that's just something stupid stoner's made up to get around the law." My grandma has known about my smoking for over 8 months now, and she's been able to see the positive, and thinks it really is, but my cop-mom is just too far out there. I told my grandma I would stop and do this thing, and I have stopped. I just don't want to fall into this depression and anxiety again. I can't. I just can't it's the worst feeling in the world. I can't wait for this 3 months to be over. I hope something changes Edit- Oh I guess I forgot to put it in, but I am still living at my grandma's, and have been for over a year now. At first she wasn't okay with it AT ALL. Because she grew up in the 1930's to now, and unfortunately was told lies the entire time. But after months of showing her all this research of how I'm not going to die of lung cancer, noone's ever died from cannabis, I'm not getting stupider, pot doesn't kill brain cells, I'm obviously not de-motivated if I had a job at 15 currently working 26 hours a week, along with school 30 hours a week. NO MISSING HOMEWORK EVER this year. And I haven't gotten in trouble at school, or with the law. So after a while (it was tough) my grandma finally realized maybe it's not this huge negative in my life. She said I always have a place in her home, and I plan on staying here till Im 18. But my mom was saying foster care meant out of the family. And she won't let my grandma "enable" me, or "duck her head under the sand", while I slowly kill myself. I mean she was saying stuff like "It stunts your growth mentally and physically." And I'm 6'2 with flying colors grades, and I'm healthier emotionally than I ever have been.