I've been dealing with a small dillema over the last year or so. I can probably write a book about the things i've done in my life up to this point, but its easier to say i fucked up when i was young (er). A bunch of arrests, a few felonies and an addiction later, i am now 22. I quit high school at 16 and got my g.e.d. it took me a good 5 years to straighten my shit out. however, by that time my options were severly limited. due to the nature of my criminal record (drugs and theft) any job is tough to get. my uncle owns an electrical business and i know he had some of the same problems i had when he was younger. just to a lesser degree. he hated high school and didnt go to college.... now he's making 6 digits by himself... all from what he built. So, i decided that becoming an electrician was the best choice out of my limited options. I had tried college when i turned 19, but being an addict really hinders ur ability to attend class and be a succesful student. so i quit that too. i worked on and off with my uncle and other general contractors until about 17 months ago when i started tech school to study electrical. I will graduate school on sept. 6th of this year. (god i cant fuckin wait ). I currently have a job but it is hardly a good one. My boss is too immature and lazy to run a decent company and i only work about 25 hours a week. i guess thats what u get when working with a buddy thats 3 years older physically and 10 years younger mentally. but at least its something. anyone (including myself) can see the progress i have made over the years. people who knew me 6 years ago and know me know say i'm a completely different person. thats all good and well but.... what i'm doing now is not what i want. i used to brush off coments like, "i wish i could have done school differently" or "if i can go back i would have done my homework" and so on. but it turns out that they are completely legitimate statements with truth behind them. i wish so bad that i did as good as i know i could have in school. if i knew then what i know now.... shit.... i would've been number 1 in my class. I know my true calling is with animals and nature. i love every living thing exept humans. ideally, i want to be a wildlife photographer. living in the middle of alaska or the amazon jungle for weeks upon months at a time.... anxiously anticipating the one second opportunity to get the perfect shot. i want to photograph the animals that require years of work to understand them and to know where they will be and when the right time is. mainly, the snow leapord. but obviously, i have screwed with my chances of that ever happening. so my plan is to deal with being an electrician for however long, and eventually work towards what i truely want to do. i am willing to go back to college at night and to do whatever it takes. however, i am having a seriously hard time dealing with the time aspect. before i can even call myself an electrician i have to complete 8000 on the job work hours. actually, before i can even take the E-2 exam licsence i have to do those hours. which will soon be raised to 10000. that many hours is MINIMUM 4 years of work. minimum. i'll be atleast 26 before i can start making some real money and focus on my dreams. i just cant get over how long its going to be. so... the point of this whole thread is to ask people who are older, how did u cope with the rest of your life?? i picture myself being an electrician for 40 years and it honestly scares me. its not that i dont like the work, because i do. i enjoy working with my hands and i enjoy the sense of acomplishment that comes with finishing a nice job. however the negative aspect of the job sticks out more. i feel like if i dont follow my heart, i will wind up a haggard, bitter man that is full of regrets. i know everyone does things they dont want to. and up until about 2 years ago i was the most selfish little fuck around. everything i did was to either benefit me, or something that would make my life easier. and boy that was a mistake. my poor decisions CONSTANTLY come back to haunt me and will never let me forget how stupid i was. one example is when a possible employer does a back ground check and i have to explain all the shitty things i have done. i'm so embarrased and ashamed of so many things. i figure that once i get my liscence (4+ years from now) about 10 years of working will be ideal. i say 10 years because that will give me more than enough time to go back to school and study whatever it is i decide... and ample time to save a decent amount of money. but then i think, "damn.... 10 freakin years is a loooooong time." technically 14. thats more than half of my entire exsistance. when i think about it i get so depressed. i rushed into making the decision to become an electrician. one reason was to please my mother. i know its the wrong way to think but, whats the point?? why struggle for the rest of my life?? why deal with being unhappy?? but then i obviously come to my senses and realize the things in life worth the while. for instance.... my woman, my cats, my weed, nature and the universe. How did u older people come to terms with the fact that this is your life and it can only be what u make it?? how did u deal with looking 5,10,15 years into the future and seeing yourself NOT doing what makes you happy?? damn, i wanted this post to be shorter. i already started a similar thread a few weeks ago that was long as balls. i know compared to other issues, mine isnt that big of a deal. but to me, it is. i think about it all the time. thanks for reading... and any feedback is greatly appreciated. -cmr-
If it helps any, I *did* do pretty much what I was supposed to in school, and I'm still wrestling the same sorts of questions. I was a pretty good student (scholarships & such) but it was out of lucky talent, not really effort. I've got a pretty good life now (still very young) - but I feel like I'm not living up to whatever I COULD have been if I'd had different priorities when it mattered. It is only too late to change your life when you are so set in your ways that you are unwilling to make the effort. Reading your post, that's not you - and not just because you are still young. Find the things you can do NOW that move you towards who you want to be. Take up exercise and meditation - activities which give you much more than they take up in both time and energy. Start your education now - there are literally HUNDREDS of free online courses from some of the best professors in the world available on the internet. Basically, keep doing the things you know you need to do, but make DAMN sure you make time for the things that help you become the person you want to be. PS - in just a few years, you could apply for a school and they will COMPLETELY disregard your criminal history if you have stayed out of trouble since then. Academia is very good about recognizing the growth that comes from living through and moving beyond questionable choices. You have NOT ruined your chances of being even a world-famous field photographer. The only thing that will prevent you from getting there is failing to try.
aw sweet... i've been wanting to be there when someone pulled one of those "if i could go back, i'd study harder at school" type lines.... ya know what... I'm really glad i didn't ever bother studying for exams. I'm really glad i let myself at the age of 5 think i was smarter than my teacher. I'm really glad i had a life beyond doing well in school. i'm really glad i didnt pin all my worth on my grades. i'm really glad i couldnt have given a shit (and still dont give a shit) what "qualifications" i've got. I'f i'm gonna suck, i'll suck by being authentically me. If I'm gonna shine my brilliance over the world, I'm gonna do it by myself, not from the spoon fed info i was conditioned into remembering in my left hemisphere of my brain. I say to kids, there's more to life than school. education is really important, so educate yourself, dont leave something that important to the system, to the institution. its too important for that. you've got to take that responsibility yourself. anyways, about living the dream... you are doing it already dude. just by the very consciousness of where you are and where you are going. and more so... by focussing... on the dream. you said you saw yourself being an electrician for 40 years or whatever, and that you didnt like it? well shit dude... the answer is staring you in the face, focus on what you do want! that really is the tricky part though. how the fuck are you to know what you want. what you REALLY want. its the only tricky part to it really dude. the rest will just fall into place with no real effort on your part (unless you like effort) if it's truly living your dream, and you let it happen for you all the way. ... though you can bet there will be a whole load of people along the way to distract you from it with lines like "nothing worthwhile was ever gained without sacrafice" and "you cant get something for nothing" and "the more you put in, the more you get out"... well, that last one does work better than those other two. heh. anyways, it's your life, so you live it how you want to, and you can update how you want it any now you want. oh, but if you're only gonna listen to the chronologically seasoned... might not wanna take my advice, i'm only 25. (been talkin pretty much like this for a while tho, lol)
Sorry if this is off topic, but I can see that we have a lot in common Digit. My grade 1 teacher had recommended that my mom disipline me more because she said I was a class clown. I remember thinking about how much of an idiot she was, and couldn't stand how much time she wasted with the class, by trying to bash information into peoples heads, rather than teaching in a way that allows the class to absorb the information. I'm also glad I've never bothered studying for exams, or pin all my worth on my grades, or gave a shit about my qualifications. Through my university life, I never purchased a text book (went to the library when I really had to read one). Actually university felt so dead to me, that I dropped out because I was so fed up with the bull shit that they were trying to feed down our throats. The only reason why I went back is that I didn't want to be a quitter, and had family pressure to do so. So now that I have the degree, I have gotten back to realizing that it doesn't mean shit. I was the type of kid who sat in the back of the class, caused trouble (with my ironic humor), came late, didn't study for exams and then when the kids would pester me after writing a test, to try and compare marks, they would find out that they hadn't done as well... Which usually made them mad because "I worked so hard for this, and you don't even care". My advice is the same as Digits. To hell with trying to fit into societies mold. Don't worry about what type of career that you will have, concentrate on the momment and following your heart.
Hell yah! There's a difference between getting an education and learning for yourself. Although if it was up to me, I'd just stay in college for 10 years and attend lectures in interesting classes for no grades...botany, philosophy, history of jazz, history of anything, lol. Too bad they're so much money and I have to support myself.
the grades are superficial, yes. but the end result IS a step towards my over all goal. you guys say u dont give a shit about your qualifications..... but if your dream was to be, say, a doctor.... you better care about your qualifications or else ur gonna fail or kill someone. however, i do agree. when i was younger i went to college for the wrong reasons.... thats why i dropped out. the good thing about that.... it was community college and it was less than 200$ a semester.... and i'm not poor. however, i do aspire for the knowledge that comes from completing a class based on MY personal interests. I could give a shit if I have a 4.0 gpa.... but i give a shit enough to want my gpa to be passing.... and i give a shit enough that if i'm going to take the time out of my insignificant life to go to school for months+years i want to be succesful.... for myself. perhaps its a coincidence, but i had the same experiences in grade school. often yelled at for disrupting class, often yelled at for not being in class, NEVER did homework (proud to say that its true.... never have i once done work at my home that was for any acedemic institution... theres too many good words to describe homework... but bullshit fits the best). My 8th grade science teacher called me a sponge due to the amount of info/knowledge i can retain when it seems like i'm sleeping/talking/playing gameboy. i used to get embarassed and be ashamed of my natural ability to learn and accell at whatever i feel like accelling at. i never ever studied for a test/quiz/exam yet i always got As. and then my classmates who actually studied and got poorer grades would have something to say... whether negative or positive... and it prefered them to say nothing. just acknowledge me and move on. then smart asses who studied all the time and got equal grades as me talked shit. i wanted nothing to do with any of that. shit... i would have gotten straight As if i attended class more often or handed in homework...... most overall grades are based on several things, not just tests and exercises. imo.... takin responisbility for ones own life does not automatically disengage the system from his/her options. i feel it more that i'm USING the system to gain what i ultimately want. if i could magically become a bilogist who had a grant to study the jaguar in the amazon jungle... and all i had to do was get As in college..... i would be there every day, doing the next nights homework on the steps of the building. i can understand your somewhat, anarchist opinion. nonetheless i would prefer to damn the man by becoming succesful after being shunned by society for being a felon/addict. i mean, how cool would it be to go on the news to explain to the nation that a junkie found a natural cure for aids? or that the guy who stole your purse is going to stop a comet from ending the "society accepted" dildos?? i personally get more satisfaction from succeeding in my own way, on my own terms, but still shoving a dick in the mans ass. -cmr- p.s. its not that my ears are only open to the "cronologically seasoned " (good adjective) cuz they are not. i was just looking for someone who may have lived through something similar to me and were able to live thier life as they wanted and were able to break free from the shit they knew wasnt for them. perhaps someone who is 10 years into their ideal career after switching from their bogus career. somewhat demanding criterion, i know. also... you dont have to be old to talk intelectually. i've been told i do as well and i'm 22 with a g.e.d. now u must excuse me because the methadone clinic closes at 10 =)