Rudeness has become cliche'! Tales of horror and dismay in the not-so-big city!

Pure and simple. Leave it to the city to screw with the fucked. I haven't slept for nearing on 24 hours now, so bear with me on this one as this is all I have to fall back on to cater to my minor transgression. Feel free to tune out any time.

My mother dropped me off at the local coffee joint downtown at 8 AM this morning, I went in and knew it was going to be an interesting day since I could barely utter a syllable in my sleep-deprived haze. I looked in the mirror (I despise mirrors) and noticed I looed rather fucked up on something, so I perked my eyes up and ordered a White Chocolate Mocha with some raspberry. COMING RIGHT UP SIR!.. Now, I don't care to be rude.. But the girl taking my order was good looking, intelligent and just this side of bitch. You know, the side over here. No, no.. Look here. There we go.

She spilled my coffee while handing it to me and gave me a look like 'Fucking try to say something'.. I looked away and plopped my rear onto a seat overlooking the window. Ahh, such a beautiful morning.. The sun has barely risen.. I closed my eyes for a second and sipped some of my drink. I opened my eyes and realized.. FUCK! THE SUN HAD RISEN!

FUCK! FUCK FUCK FUCK! *Changes positions*

Well, so much for that scheme, Einstein.

Fuck off, brain.

Enough with this ballyhoo! The people who walked past me were greeted with the most spectacular of grins and the most delightful, "Good Morning to you!".. Most of them frowned and turned away. I half expected to say: "Was it something I said?" but held my tongue. I downed my coffee quickly, because the local feminazi's were on patrol. Those jeans must be vacuum packed, I swear..

I stumbled awwardly out of the cafe' onto the now brightly lit street.. Only 8:15? Well, I have an hour fourty five until the library opens! I made my way down to the camera shop, which had opened 15 minutes prior.

I asked politely to see a lens.. This fellow stared me in the eyes and said: "You do realize this is a $2.300 lens, right?".. "Lying fiend, it's under 2!".. "Well, let's just see."

He frowned when he looked at the box.

"Two solids."

"Yea, with a 45 dollar rebate.. C'mon chief, out with it."

He opened the box, held the lens in his hand and when I asked him if I could see it, he said: "I dont trust you enough.".. "Well, here! I'll give you my camera bag and I can hold the lens! I just want to see it, weighting and such... Out with it!"

After alot of bad noise, we parted ways... I'm not pulling the 'truce' card on this one, damn it. This epic battle has just begun.. But that's for another day and post. Much lie the latter, which I am writing now.

Damn.. killed 45 minutes in that joint... 9 AM. I looked over at the hot dog place. Shit, he's open! This was the highlight of my day.. over the stimulating conversation of back home (We're both from back in Chicago, mind) He gave me back a dollar for my fries being delayed.. But the killjoy was on his way! This amish man walks in and begins talking with my host! MY CATER! I was infuriated.. well, not really.. But I was allowed nowhere near this discussion. I thanked him for the lunch and wished him well.

Again, on the road!... 9:30... Library opens at 10. I decided to chec out the local community college, Downtown Studio and pick up a course catalogue. I went in and talked to a rather sweet desk girl, she pointed me around the corner.

Alot of bad noise occured in that room... Mostly personal.. But I got my catalogue.

This is where things get tricky. I walk up to the library, a 3 minute hike up a ramp, and sit among the small crowd which always waits to get in. I put my bag down and relaxed for quite a few minutes. I began to notice the people around me and realized that most of them were switching glances at me! GLANCES! I hate that... Well, I hate it.. But think nothing of it, usually I just look away. Today, I proclaimed my victory in the most subtle of ways. I hopped off my throne, strolled across the courtyard and asked what appeared to be ex-military for a cigarette. That ended the glancing.. Even if it didn't, I was hiding behind a pedestal at that point. I could only see their reflections, as silhouettes to the sun, in the tinted library windows but they could not say the same!

Heh.. That was fun.

I get into the library after listening to two old rednecks from the south banter about firearms. I walk to the holds desk and figure out the book I had on hold was still en route to the library but they had my other one by Chomsky. I decided to pick up a few more in the area of astronomy, my fatal lust in the academic field. This lady was looking at me through the bookshelves intently. I asked her if I could help her find anything and she responded in a very mean tone.

It was about this time I noticed I had been running into nothing but rude fiends on the street!.. I became nauseated, due to my sleep deprivation probably (I can survive for up to 90 or so hours, it's the first few hours that get you after you break the sleep/wake cycle!... I wish caffeine worked on me.. why did I even drink a cup of coffee?.. Heh, I like it I guess).. Anyway, I checked my books out with no problem:



I am going to fast forward here, as you probably have already heard enough. Oh, that's just an excuse.. I'm hungry, alright?

I walked to Independent Records and said 'Long Time' to my old guy there. He got me a nice discount on coals for my hookah and I moved on, yet again, with my day (Which now consisted of getting home). I walked to the bus stop, but on my way stopped a guy with headphones for a smoke. The conversation went as such:

*Holds out hand*

*Takes off headphones* Shit man, what you want? Fuck.

*Puts fingers to lips* Bum a smoke?

Hell nah, you ain't getting no smoke.. Shit, you crazy.

.... Hmm, he wouldn't even let me tell him goodbye! I think we're up to rude person number 24 or so.

My bus was waiting for me. This was an interesting thought though, everything would have been perfect today had it not been for all the maniachal pricks roaming the streets on a fucking Thursday morning! So close to Christmas, no doubt... Anyway.

After I get on the bus, I pull out (ironically) 'On Bullshit'.. It's a 68 page book, which I finished before getting to my stop. Interesting stuff.

Halfway through the trip, someone loos at me from an opposing seat and asks: "Hey, what're you reading for?"

"I like to read, I suppose."

"Shit.. who likes to read? You on meth?"

So, since we were so close to the stop, I pulled a Bill Hicks: "Allright, I'm reading because I don't want to end up riding the bus when I'm 50!"... I didn't really mean it, actually.. Public transportation serves so many people! That sounded silly, but it's true! I just reallllllly needed to say that. Heh. Much to my dismay, the entire bus was on his side. I took my leave.

Well, my house is a good 10-15 minute walk from the stop, so I tae a quick shortcut through the construction area and get on the sidewalk. Halfway through to my house, I stopped dead.

Ever get the feeling that you're about to paint the sidewalk through your jeans? YEP! So, I am pretty Cheech-ish about this. "C'mon cheeks stay together.." etc. I get to the corner and these two guys pull up in a truck:

"Hey, what kinda boots are those?"

"Not sure, I like them."

"Well, I don't."

"Then don't look at them."

"What?"

"Hey, listen, I would love to sit around here and discuss social theory but I have got to GO!"

"I dont give a.."

"That's cold blooded.. Stopping a man from his delayed shit since this town can't put up a single building without a public bathroom..goddamned son of a bitch.." (muttering at this point)

"Allright, shit, get the fuck outta here."

"Same to you!..... Freaks."

I walk through a field opposing the school and everything felt pretty cleared up.. That was nearly 40 minutes ago and, now, here I am!

I really, truly, honestly, apologetically did not intend to type this much. I am in an insomniachal stage right now... Also, the K key on my keyboard is sticky.. If you see alot of K's missing in this story.. Please pretend they were there.

The moral of this story?... There is no moral, just me catering to some minor transgression is all.

I think good old Duke said it best:

"Just another freak.. In the freak kingdom."

 

I wasn't angry it him, really, for not giving me a smoke. It was just the way he reacted that made him sound pretty rude. Like I was from the friendly, neighborhood lynch mob.

Heh.. I love the comments that backfired back on DBT, but leave the poor guy alone, man! He's taken his beating.

Secondly, I just woke up, Fell asleep at midday and now I am wide awake.

"You ever fall asleep while the sun was still out.. Then you wake up and it's dark.. AND YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT GODDAMN DAY IT IS?' -George Carlin