Revelations and realisations

Okay so this might sound weird, but every time I smoke and I'm by myself, I come to all sorts of weird revelations.

Thoughts start racing through my head, almost like I'm racing through a black hole of thoughts. It's like my mind is downloading data & I understand all this stuff all at once, when usually it would take hours of reading & investigating to understand. All the thoughts add up, it's like I'm gradually piecing together a jigsaw, quickly realising stuff piece by piece.

My heart beats faster & faster, then when I put the last piece of the jigsaw together.. THUMP. It hits me. Literally like a realisation hits my chest! I can hear the thump on my chest too. Then I freak out because I think I'm going insane and quickly try to rationalise why all the thoughts weren't true.

So then, because I freak out and stop myself from remembering or thinking about it, the revelation isn't as clear & I don't understand what I learned fully.

The last one I had was something like time can only go backwards and forwards. When it goes forwards it can only increase in speed, backwards it can only slow down. And it was also that dreams could show us the past and the future.

I don't even know man. I just want to know if anyone else has ever experienced anything like this.

 

I just get freaked out because I feel like I'm going to convince myself I've worked out the world then go insane. I don't now if it's a stem from dementia or schizophrenia. I agree time isn't linear and I've dreamt things that have came true before, so I definitely believe that. I just have to control over it when I'm high & that's what freaks me out.

Maybe next time I'll let myself go a bit more and see what I come to realise, but it's more like a belief that's engraving itself into me so I'm scared I end up believing things that aren't true.