Rethinking my situation in life

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHHAH so funny man




















not really.


edit: on a serious note now that i read it, grow up man, stop smoking and drinking and turn your life around, the reason your parents shit on you for smoking and shit is because they worry it will hurt your future plans, which it sounds like your doing. Id say stop smoking/drinking/partying till your grades are back to normal and you begin to love your parents back as they definitely love you back. fuck man.

 

Idk dude .

 

I can kind of relate, I think. I didn't read your post very well but I used to be really outgoing and I had so many friends, then I went through this bullshit of my dad going to prison and losing all of our money. My mother is an alcoholic too so it was just me and I had to grow up within a week. After my dad went to prison and I opened my eyes and realized the world did NOT revolve around me, I stopped being able to relate to others my age.. especially other girls. All of the cattiness, unnecessary drama, and gossip suddenly seemed so irrelevant and immature.

Now I don't have too many close friends other than my smoking friends. My relationship with my parents is crap. I've had some times where I was really depressed and I thought about killing myself, but for what? All of my problems and the bullshit going on in my life means nothing so it'd be a waste to end my life over nothing.

If you don't like smoking and drinking, then quit. Quit for YOU though, NOT for your parents, friends, or anyone else.

 

Tl;dr?

 

You gotta move out so you don't take shit from nobody. I have a similar deal going on too, and my solution is to move out.

 

now this idea might be a little extreme for your coddled mind to handle
BUT hear me out...

Have you ever considered acting like an adult and getting your own place?

Even $500 a month on a studio apt is better than selling your soul piece by piece to over controlling parents. you get to drink and smoke weed and still progress in life.

Besides people who don't live at home get laid more often. FACT

 

You are 18, that is normal for 18. You won't be adult until like 22-23, just try and enjoy yourself and don't get caught up in your own stream of consciousness.

 

take a vacation and if you like the place stay there. earth is vast my friend, you don't have to settle where you are.

 

Well man, in middle school I was one of those preppy smart kids and all that. But also a loner.

And I had no idea who I was, where I belonged, any of the shit like that. Then I started smoking weed, and it made me feel like I belonged. So gr 9-10 I just went through this phase where I was literally terrified of everybody, and i was just smoking weed so that people would notice me.

Then gr 11 I got kicked out of my house, went to a different school, and I started looking at myself, and especially having trouble with my sexuality. Loneliest I had ever been, and I think I went literally crazy for a while.

Now i'm in grade 12, my marks are shit, and I am genuinely fucked up. Some days I wake up and the only thing that makes me move is the thought that eventually I will be dead.

But here's the thing: i know who I am, and I have accepted it. I will never let my bad side take control of me. I don't let people push me around. I am the happiest I have ever been.

So here is what worked for me
1. forgave my parents
if they hadn't kicked me out, maybe I wouldn't be fucked up. maybe i wouldn't want to put a gun to my head every day. but anger and resentment just breeds more anger and resentment.
2. travelled
I went across canada, literally wasted 1200$. but i figured out all the things that were bothering me. I figured out my sexuality.
3. Quit weed
There was this point where i was thinking about what weed actually did for me. and I realized that it caused more harm than what it solved. so i ditched it. I have been sober for 4 months now and I'm enjoying it.
4. trusted somebody
I met this chick, i trust her. One of my biggest problems through my life is that i hate myself. But i never felt like I genuinely mattered to anybody. Now I do, and she is the only thing I actually give a shit about.

Edit:
You sound numb from loneliness. and the thing about that is, the pain isn't gone. You just don't notice that it affects you.
Your parents sound like shitheads. I say move out. Fuck them

My advice man:
either find somebody you can trust, or travel.

 

That's how a lot of people feel at that age, just trust me and the older crowd when we say you're young, life doesn't get better as you age but you learn how to deal with everything much better.

 

dude life is crazy. i am 22 and feel like you do sometimes. why am i here what am i really doing? who am i supposed to please? i have a very little amount of friends cause i think "social acceptance" is a joke, people dont understand that i have a drinking and drug problem so i dont want to go party so people think i am anti social or full of myself. I just cant be around party stuff cause it is to hard for me to resist. As a result i am anti social cause i dont go out and do what kids my age go out and do. I get lonely and lost almost everyone of my high school friends but one who doesnt party and stuff either. to be honest i am lonely as shit but i guess i can keep going and deal with it as i have already maybe one day ill meet someone fun that i actually WANT to be with.

 

You don't need to completely stop partying or completely stop drinking/smoking, but you should try to moderate both. I've gone through my partying stage in high school (which was amazing, some of the funnest times of my life), but getting drunk and getting high all the time isn't really that rewarding ... If you value having fun as well as your family, you're going to feel a lot better. Your parents are really just looking after you; they don't want you to fuck up your life doing something stupid, but you need to show them that you're responsible enough to have a social life and aren't benefitting from being locked up in your room for months just for smoking weed. You need to tell them how you how you feel. They're your parents, they brought you into the world, and they'll be there for you if you need help.

Long....sorry!

 

I agree with this... when I was in high school up in NJ, I lived for partying. First couple years @ USF in Florida, I did nothing but eat little pieces of paper and blow massive amounts of dank. Got raided, did time and probation, went through years of serious depression and absurd IV drug abuse, got clean and moved closer to family. Now I work 40 - 50 hours a week, come home and smoke some fire and eat a good meal, snuggle with my cat and sometimes hit the local bar for some white russians (or 8).

Honestly, it is so much more rewarding than blacking out and getting 3 hours of sleep and feeling shitty the next morning. Find a happy medium.

 

Here's some advice:

Your parents obviously care about you, and that is the ultimate reason why they are treating you like that, because they don't want you to make the same mistakes they did, and become an addict. This is understandable, but I think they are treating you like a little child, they should have an adult talk with you and let you explain why you smoked and why you like it, there is nothing to be ashamed of if you want to smoke. If you really want to smoke while living with your parents, there are some guidelines you should follow. First of all, if they say you need a job, or you need to finish highschool, or you need to get good grades, or maybe all of those, you need to make those things your priorities first. If you are passing your classes in highschool, or if you already graduated and now have a job, you are doing the right thing and you are following their house rules. If they say they don't want you smoking, then don't. But if you insist on smoking, you can't get caught and you need to make sure your priorities are straight first. If you've got a job and are working, or are doing good in highschool and keep it that way, theres nothing wrong in my opinion to smoke. But if smoking becomes your top priority, then that can be considered an addiction and you aren't doing what you need to do to listen to your parents.

If you're in their house, you play by their rules. If you really want to smoke, make sure your grades are up, or you have a job or something, and that way you can say in a few years "see mom and dad, I was doing all the right things and I still smoked. I learned moderation, something you two honestly, and obviously had trouble with. I learned from your mistakes and didn't become addicted. I learned what my priorities were, and am able to be successful and still enjoy smoking cannabis. I don't feel ashamed, and I don't appreciate you making me feel ashamed like some addict for trying something a few times, making me go to AA meetings." It will take guts to speak your mind to parents like that, trust me I know, but it needs to be said. There is too much ignorance when it comes to marijuana use. If you can get a job and do good in college, you shouldn't feel bad for admitting to smoking to them. They already know you've done it. You don't have to tell them every detail, but you can say "see, I'm going to school and I smoke once in a while, whats wrong with that? I like to relax and enjoy a wonderful plant, theres nothing wrong with that."

In the mean time, do what you need to do, and don't let them catch you again. Let them think what they want, but eventually you will need to be very honest and tell them how you feel, the time will come when you have hopefully been a success and can tell them "yes, I smoked marijuana while I was doing the right thing, and there is nothing wrong about that and I shouldn't feel ashamed. I'm disappointed you guys treated me like an addict, yet I love you appreciate you caring about me."

 

Agreed with the above posters. Everything is okay in moderation. In high school I was a HUGE partier. I was drunk 5 - 7 days a week and I railed an 8 ball of unmentionables every day for over a year. My life was shit and weed actually helped me quit my alcohol and unmentionable addiction. Don't get me wrong.. it was hella fun and I had a lot of good memories (well, of what I can remember). You may have to tone the partying down a little until you are off on your own but seriously, fuck your parents. If you are being healthy and smart about the choices you make, I see no reason for your parents to intervene in your life.

 

[quote name='"Dubstep Ninja"']So it's going to be like that eh?

I guess i should tell you a little about myself before I can even begin to delve deeper into my current train of thought.

My name is Alex. I am a 18 year old boy from the eastern region of the US. From as early as i can remember I had always lived a rather normal life. I had been for lack of a better word, content. It wasn't until i hit my pubescent years that my life had hit a bit of a rough patch.

Up until that point, Life had been great, and worries were but an afterthought. I wasnt exactly the coolest kid in school, but I was friends with just about everybody. I had an eccentric personality and prided myself in being my own person and trying my best to not follow anyone else.

Ok so as we all know with adolecsnce comes experimentation. Growning up in a major city, I was exposed to alot of drinking and other shenanigans rather early. I think i really scared my Dad (a recovered drug addict/alcoholic) and Mom (Extremely Strict upbringing). Seeing as how both of my parents came from rough backgrounds, They both became extremely paranoid in their adulthood. My mother ( who the best comparison i can think of is Nurse Ratched from One Flew over the Cucko's nest) was put to work almost as soon as she was born, therefor she never really had any type of life, until she had moved out. She was always a perfectionist, nothing was ever good in her eyes. My dad( again a decent comparsion would be Michael Scott from The Office but More sad then funny) grew up in poverty, so he never had any guidance as a kid. as i said before he was a pretty big addict. he still goes to meetting after 30 years of sobriety.

Well haha after that major tangent, what i meant to get to before your grandchildren are out of college(Little joke), they eventually caught me smoking weed March in my freshman year. Needless to say they were not pleased, they grounded me for months not alowing me to leave my house except for school. By aboutt the time summer came i was evantually regained my testicles back. however even after that point, i was still treated like an addict in my own house. Life went on. Evantually it was put on hold yet again when i was caught smoking in my room in October, two days before my Birthday. Another strech of literally being shut off from the world for another few months. It wouldnt have been quite that bad except for how my own family treated me. they would do shit like take me to AA meetings, make me sit down in slience while they take turns yelling and crying at me about how im going to end up fucking my life up, every day. You know the whole she-bang.....

Ok my life goes on like this and after a few years of resistenee my mind was slowly beginning to give up. i just stopped caring, about everything. i grew this utter resentment towards my parents. i though about killing myself not as a means to end myself, but as a means to hurt them. Honestly i just gave up one life all together.

I had Lost all of my friends, My sense of humor, My charming fucking personality, and had pretty much stopped giving a shit about all of my hobbys( guitar, drums, making movies)

So after enough bullshit and pretty much losing all feeling whatsoever, im not really afraid of anything whatsoever, and by association my parent haha. So as of lately i have been not speaking to them( which is what they hate the most, because as i have mentioned they are paranoid about everything wish to guide me through every aspect of my life.) and pretty much been going out and trying to have as much fun as possible.

The only problem is I still have this empty feeling inside. i have got to admit these last years have made me quite the cynic, but i feel like its such a chore to even hold a conversation with people. Like i just don't even know what to say.

So my question to you guys is what should i do? should i quit smoking/drinking and submit to my parents, and wish i was dead? or will this emptyness subside?

Sorry for all the bullshit but seriously can anybody relate at all i just need some advice. its also good to note that i am very smart but ever since highschool my grade have steadily gotten worse.[/quote]

since you don't care about anything/one at the moment, it seems like the time to start rebuilding your life from the bottom up. id suggest starting with your life philosophy. i base mine on this simple statement: everyone needs jesus, be it me, you, vladimir putin, or bill gates. its really a blessing in disguise when you are in a situation where you realize that you alone cant deal with it. the apostle john wrote: "Jesus answered and said unto him, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God. Nicodemus saith unto him, How can a man be born when he is old? can he enter the second time into his mother's womb, and be born? Jesus answered, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born of water and of the Spirit, he cannot enter into the kingdom of God. That which is born of the flesh is flesh; and that which is born of the Spirit is spirit. Marvel not that I said unto thee, Ye must be born again." being born again gets rid of the feeling of emptiness. i can assure you that christ is not a fraud or a fantasy. there is countless archaelogical evidence to prove the veracity of the gospels, of which hundreds of books have been written. but in my experiece, i know that god answers prayers.

most christians believe that cannabis use is immoral, while paradoxically using alcohol. however, this is not biblical. this does not discredit the religion, it is only a widespread theological error. im sure youre aware that alcohol is much more intoxicating than cannabis, and jesus' first miracle was making water into wine at a party when they were out of booze. i wouldnt adovocate being dependant on any drug, but i personally hit the ganj every day and i dont think that it is immoral.

feel free to pm me if youre interested or have questions.