About a month ago, I told the woman I am dating that "A Cellphone is not a vehicle to have a relationship through"... It is a strange thing to say, but our time together consisted of having sex together, eating together and texting together, with the occasional night out... All the time in between was time we shared together on the cellphone and I feel that time is meaningless. It was a difficult thing to say to her and even more difficult to word in a way that she would understand without being misinterpreted. It was a strange feeling afterward, not feeling obligated to answer every text within 5 minutes or having actual important conversations through text or making any sort of choices, which I said I was not interested in dong any further, but rather, just relay how we are feeling or emergencies and that is basically it, everything else we will discuss face to face. I feel as though I have reclaimed my time and space, by enacting this boundary and... It is really, really nice. Today, she attempted to dismantle this whole agreement. My boundary. "I feel like we are not as close" and as much as I want to negotiate with her about it, I just cannot. Initially, the use of the cellphone was a natural thing after meeting on a dating website, but our frequent messages never stopped, but rather shifted from the app to texting. I wish I would of began enforcing this boundary the second we moved from the app... But then I wonder if this illusion of availability that the cellphone provides is something she gravitated towards and with her response today, that question seems answered. This is the thing about the situation, is that in context to our situation, she believed I was going to continue to use my cellphone as a vehicle to have a relationship with her through and I now understand that it is my fault that she had that belief, since I did not enforce the boundary. I did not provide a limitation to our cellphone use. Why? Well, for a while i thought it was because it was what I wanted, but I now see that just as I am going to ultimately do what I want to do, without negotiation, so will she... She will simply fill the void by texting with another person... Does not matter who that person is, whether they be somebody from the same dating website I met her on, or her friend, the void will be filled either way. For many people in this way, online dating is not simply a means to an end, but rather, a means to counteract emptiness... To fill the void... Like some sort of twisted chat roulette. For me, for a long time, this was at that online dating was, so I completely understand, but I also understand the nature of the roulette, that being that the spin ultimately has to start again at some point. So I installed the app we met on and sure enough, there she is. I read her profile and to her merit, her profile says "I am taken, just looking for people to talk to" and yet, I know, from being in the roulette mindset that, eventually some sort of meeting is going to take place, benign or not. Maybe this meeting happens if we don't work out, maybe this meeting happens tomorrow, but either way, I know the intent... To fill the void. And so, I find myself contemplating my role in this woman's life and... I am not satisfied with being something to fill the void... In fact, it leads me to question why there is even a void in the first place? Like... You aren't invested in filling your own time? No hobbies? No aspirations to chase? Just... Void, that needs to be filled by somebody else? Hell, I come here if I have a void and I thoroughly enjoy my time here; plus, I can learn about growing weed... Like, there is no shortage of things I can use to fill the void that I cannot provide for myself and so I have to assume the same goes for most others and this leads to the ulterior motives... I mean, I hate to assume, but if you don't care enough to fill your own time, you probably don't care to do much in your life? Time is the essence of our lives... Like, to just give it away so freely, to just let it lapse as a void and to put that void into somebody else's lap, the motive must be ulterior, otherwise it just does not make sense to me. Just kind of a reflecting rant here, I am high af right now just kind of contemplating my thoughts.
I totally agree with you. I've had huge fights over the cell phone with me exes. I didn't text back fast enough, I didn't hear it ring, Bla Bla Bla. I think it should be used if you're going to be late or some other change of plans. I don't mind a good morning text. But I don't want to have conversations this way. Everyone else seems to want to. I would stick to your guns on this issue. Just for kicks, which site did you find her on? I am doing the online thing too and I hate every one of the sites.
I found her on Blender, which is primarily a GPS based dating app, as opposed to an app like POF that matches based on chemistry, so its pretty suspect for me. If your struggling, use POF and make it so only premium users can message you, usually helps alot.
I think it's fair enough to not want your partner to be on their phone/messenger/apps the entire time you're with them...like maybe do a "phone free" time that you both agree on. A couple hours a day...but if you're just gonna spend that doing the desktop/laptod equivalent of the same shit, it's pointless. This is something that I sympathise with younger people these days...everyone's a phonetard and it's SO inbuilt into most peoples lives. Even I feel a little lost when I don't have my phone around, and I think I barely use it compared to my wife. Women tend to be much more attached to their phones...it's annoying...but yeah, I'm in my 30's....for those in their teens and 20's I'm thinking the phone thing must be like a kind of hell...
Hate cell phones I haven’t had one for about a year now mostly because I don’t get cell service at my house but also because I’ve noticed ppl live on their phones and surprisingly have nothing to talk about when your face to face but, their social media posting are full of conversation pieces that they don’t want to discuss in person.
tell her the truth ...they are very dangerous and you are too busy 2-3 per week with me is the norm setting up another date? anymore I avoid good luck
i hate the so called smart phones you see Zombies every where heads down ear phones in walking in the roads not even noticing the traffic ,bumping in to other Zombies ..all texting away in their own little worlds ..ive told my kids dont text me i wont answer them .either phone normally or dont text me.. all ive got is an old cell phone ,,.mac
Being 24 I find this to be an issue too, I haven't dated yet though, but don't like the idea of the majority of conversations being over text. Specially when basic grammar is lacking, bitches be all cryptic, or people spamming your phone instead of calling cuase they need a quick reply back. Didn't get my phone till about a year after high school, primarily to call my dealer so I didn't have to message over FB
You sound like a psycho if you want to stop your girlfriend from using her phone.. the only time you should be telling her not to use it is if she's driving. Who gives a fuck if ur girls on an app.. it says she's taken & looking for friends she's doing nothing wrong. Honestly you sound like one of them cunts that try to control every aspect of a chicks life.. you need to give your head a wobble & let her have freedom.. if you don't she'll easily find another man who will.
Unless I am across the country I choose not to have a cell phone, mostly because people are annoying, even if I love themdearly, and always want me for some reason or another and I'd rather not.. People would be nagging me to do things with 24/7.. I also only check my Facebook a couple times a month.. I don't like texting with people or talking on the phone.. Bits of information are fine, but not to have an enjoyable conversation with someone..
Lol so what happens when you need to ring emergency services & you're out the house by yourself??? You're fucked ain't ya My phone goes everywhere with me you never know when you'll need it.. if I hadn't had my phone on me before my father would probably be dead since he called me to help during a heart attack.. Mobile phones are great idgaf what any 1 says
Fuck that.. If she wants to slut around on hookup apps after you are supposed to be in a comitted relationship,and it is unacceptable to you, you can just get rid of her you know.. You don't have to be with this or any girl if you don't like what they do.. If you feel you want to break up with her over her phone obsession just tell her straight up "This in't working because I do not want a girl that does nothing but sit there with her nose stuck in her phone all day", period.. You don't have to settle for her because she is a girl and girls deserve "freedom" or some shit..
It seems like an OP problem not his chick though man.. I get where ur coming from with the slut thing but if her profile says taken/wants friends she's done nothing wrong If she was to put single/looking for D then she'd be in the wrong.. it sounds to me as if OP doesn't like any 1 getting attention from her but him.. That's just my opinion anyway
Their are plenty of ways around the house to call 911, such as other peoples phones and the many devices lying around.. Or for people to get ahold of me in an emergency the Ipads text and shit.. But I don't reply to them for nonsense BS texts and stuff like that.. My real family and real friends come over all the time and like actually hang out in person.. Every day.. You know maybe if I just texted them all the time then they wouldn't come over, or we wouldn't have anything interesting to talk about since we already talked about everything texting or reading eachothers facebooks and whatnot.. We actually have interesting and serious conversations in person because we did not waste all of our topics over electronics.. And we actually go do things, like go to the river, or help eachother with our various projects.. I spend most of my time on electronics reading and educating myself.. As you can see here I'm educating myself about growing cannabis.. But threads like this are fun..
I'm the opposite of u then dude i'd rather use my phone then someone pop round to discuss something I don't mind seeing people but for example if it was to discuss something like what to have for dinner Sunday when the family come round I'd be pissed Tbh I used to go out ect & use my phone to discuss it before hand but these days I don't really go out since I'm a cripple so a phones basically a life line for me to stay in contact with people + Most stuff these days if respond via text.. even the hospital/doctors text now over here instead of calling
I think this here is the real issue. Find out where you stand and how deep her feelings are and assess the situation. I think you're worried about why she's still on the app and I'd be curious as well, but it may be innocent. If you wanna spend more quality time, that's understandable.
I understand where the OP is coming from. I run into the younger generation in stores, in their cars and on the streets that, quite simply, can't take their eyes off of the cell to save their own ass. What did us older folk do when we were young??? Did we die because we had to, actually, talk to another person? I agree that we need to speak face to face more often. We lost something when most of us started using the cell instead of seeing and speaking to one another. Just my opinion here.
back in the day we had CB radios we built by kits from Germany my dad was into HAM? radio so I lean'rt fast theirs another world out their I don't know until recently CB was Citizin Band ...lol a brief history of networking for me ....lol and yeah then the cell phones rule ....bummer!
One thing you have to understand about online dating... Women are able to get literally infinite amounts of sex from men. Literally infinite. She can have sex all day and all night, without any sort of end ever in sight. With this being said, if I just solely focused on using sex as a means to obtain women, my capacity to retain a woman would be incredibly limited... Thus, sex is basically the last thing I use to retain a woman. Another thing you have to understand about online dating, is that financial well-being is the sole indicator in whether a relationship will work out or not in over 80% of interactions that happen. Basically, when you are on an online dating site, you are being judged by how much money you make... A lot of people are largely unaware of just how gigantic of a factor this is.. Financial well-being is basically the sole determination in any sort of online dating interaction, statistically. I'm not the type of guy that forces control, I force boundaries and limitations and when those boundaries and limitations are not followed, especially habitually, I instead begin to give my time and resources to other situations. Speaking as humbly as possible, I don't need to control anybody, but rather, most women I interact with literally want me to control them... They want to be directed, they want to be told what to do... They crave some sort of structure in their life that they currently do not have for whatever reason. Want to know why Finance is the sole indicator in online dating? Because people will always put their own interests and desires before anyone else's... If you want yours, you can't just have it, you have to guide them with boundaries and limitations while catering to their desires and interests along the way. It is an unfortunate thing that you lack any sort of understanding about setting boundaries and limitations for yourself, probably because you are without any sort of real opportunity... Why are you without opportunity? Because you are willing to give everything away to somebody who isn't willing to give everything they have, away to you, because you have failed to set boundaries and limitations with them... This thing is cyclical, its all connected and it doesn't begin with them, or anybody else, it begins with you. Once you have an understanding of boundaries, limitations and being able to say no, you can begin to amass your resources and with an abundance of resource, comes an abundance of opportunity. Truly, women are not interested in an abundance of resource, but they are interested in a man that has other options, but chooses to be with them instead... It is a passive gratification; literally the opposite of being settled for. A woman is a country, and you are her flag... She wants to wave you around proudly, so that all the other countries take notice of her nice flag and she wants those other countries to be envious of her flag. This woman I am with, she does not want to fly my flag less, she wants to fly it more... And I am not cool with it. I have other options, other countries that want to fly my flag and she knows it... By restricting my phone time with her, this reminds her that there are other countries out there, other opportunities and this just goes on to increase her attraction to me... Where as before, I was just giving my time away for free, now I am creating value on that time that I once gave away for free and am able to collect on it, from her. I'm literally out here turning water into wine and your calling me a psycho? Bruh, get a grip..