Rehabilitation

well, i know alot of you dont know me but i go to rehab tomarow at 7 am. i'm very depressed, not about being sober but just about goin to rehab. i can handle the being sober, its going to do me good, but my family life is so fucked up i dont even see much of a point in living. my parents first wasted 12 grand a semester at a drug private school where i would be high all day get straight A's and got no education. Now they are wasting 20 grand for me to get away with them and so i can visit a girl for 4 hours 2 days a week. this girl is great, we met a couple years ago and this summer hooked up and i had the most amazing 3 weeks of my life, i hate depression, i cry because i know i'm depressed but i cant stop i know time will fix anything but i still cant stop being depressed. i'm on medication and it helps but if i dont take it i get even more depressed than i ever get. I'm going to be there probaly 4-6 months. more toward 4 months because i'm good at obeying the rules and getting along, i dont cause any un-needed trouble. I've realized that i could do anything in life i want to do, i'm smart enough and have the resources but smoking pot has made me amotivational ( i am not against pot at all this is just my experience) and even though i could do anything i dont want to, i want to be the best grower because thats what i know more about than anything. i know pot is almost like a handicap on my life, but who cares i only have this one life and when its over nothing will happen i will feel no pain, nothing at all, everybody i've hurt may still be alive but i wouldnt have to see it or feel it. i hate my thoughts like that because it makes suicide seem so logical. i mean why not, when its over i wont feel any of this pain i have right now, right? but wow i have so much i want to do its all this fuckin depression fucking with my head. i think i'm one of those people who is almost too logical but i have common sense too. i realy wish typing this would make my thoughts go away but they havent. it looks like i'm about to face a long time with no pot and i'd like others experinces with rehab. i'm begining to think when i get back i wont smoke pot for a while i'll keep working at my new school and i'll get a job and live a real life for as long as i can untill i'm old enough to fill my dreams. thanks for reading all this and i have some others posts if you want to hear more about my life