Whats good people...long story short i been writting for a while now and im thinking about recording for shit and giggles to play in my whip and shit..this is just a couple samples of the tons of shit ive written down ..give me your honest opinion on the lyrics/ flow and your overall thougghts..thanks in advance guys.....i know they kindah long but you wont be dissapionted!! btw im WHITE LOLL im sharp like a ginsu/ with my heart ima convince you/ im ill with a pencil, i make shit suspensful/ like a horror flick, im slick and i dont gotta borrow shit/ this my own original recipet, kid you not stressin me/ im calm cool and laxed when i get on tracks/ relax, im cool like a jazz man with a sax/blowin sacks of sticky green, every dude with me clean/ soon as we hit the sceen, i shut shit down when i intervine/ i more so, rip everything up from ya torso/ of course yo, im the boss of verbal intercourse/ Im not in The Source, buh youll still get eatin like a dinner course/im speedin past like im ina porsche/and i dont need to floss, cuz when im rhymin im shinin/ like a diamond in the sky, im fuckin blindin/ im like einstein in, i equal two mcs/ cuz one is not enough, neva runin outta stuff/ to rhyme bout, i spit this shit till the times out/the fuckin clocks tickin, im droppin hot shittin/ every direction, i give ya mid section an erection/ off the shit i mention, ill rap invention/my style damages, provokes tears, shatters egos/ i count bills while you gather zeros/ im ridin ill-legal, giva fuck about the 5-0/ upon my arrival.................................... Mind like a clepto/ snatch ya shit theres nothin left yo/ when i rhyme you heara echo/ blowin green like a gecko/ the mic i wreck thoe, unable to be identified/ i commit verbal genocide, when i take out the pen you hide/ cause i commit grand larceny, appercaite my artistry/ as i show you no1 hard as me/ spittin wit ery part of me/ Ima perfectionist, spit sick shit like the exorcist/ you cant get next to this, no way yo disrecpectin this/ impervious style, ferocious, my raps come in doses/ no use at comin back at me man its hopeless/i knock ya down in the first round like tyson in his prime/ n when you get back up ill do it one more time, cuz if you get down you stay down/ and if you stay down you lay down, to you it should be obvious that i dont fuckin play round/ this aint a play ground and i got no time for children, ill leave you grilled when, you try fuckin with my skill friend/ im ill when, i pick up the pen and write/ in spite of the hatred/ n i aint evengoin hard, this is just the basic/ im wasted every evenin/ off liquor and greenin/ i have you feenin/ got red eyes like a deamon, steamin like a chiminey/ blast on any enemy, they say im dead wrong/ but yall dead wrong, im mothafuckin head strong/ gotta bad attitude, wake up on any side the beds on/ fuck you little boys like zack effron/ get steped on, and moved on to the next song/ i put a hex on, you and your whole crew, what chu gon do, i put it on you
You should do one of two things: A) record yourself doing it. Allot of music has to do with what you put behind it with your voice. B) Structure them so it's not a huge run-together paragraph.
yeah i agree record yourself rhyming because delivery, flow, and voice is alot of it too but as for the rhymes themselves, im likin them man theyre pretty clever, i think you got a chance, but then again id have to hear your recorded shit, i actually wanna see how this turns out so hit me up once you record em man.
You have some talent but my constructive criticism is that not all the verses are on par. For instance the 1st lines of the verse you wrote are good but start to go downhill around "I'm slick and don't have to borrow shit". then you hit a line about original recipe which isn't bad but go to "kid you ain't stressin me" which is a bit weak. Remember when you hit upon metaphor and crazy imagery is what your stronger at. Also work on developing crazy rhyme structure and imagery. If you want to dissect your rhymes with me or want me to get more specific I don't mind. And just so you know I'm not being down on your craft just passing some advice. Keep working at it man.
Thanks for all the feedback fellas...I acaully have StudioApp on my iphone and do have 10+ tracks recorded..with the second verse i showed yous on Biggies Dead Wrong..if there was a way to put em up here i would they are wav. files anyone know how to go about doing that?...im currently recording two verses on the how high part 2 beat... if anyone has aim illl send them the songs if they want to listen, im just looking for some honest opinions..thanks people stay high
well waht you could do is take one of the recorded videos and put them on youtube, then from there just copy the link and youd be finished, pretty easy