Hey there grasscity. It's been a while since I've posted, but I just feel like getting out of lurking tonight to share some of my thoughts while I smoke this bowl. One thing that has really been bothering me recently is happiness. I haven't really understood it, and its been itching at my skin for a while. Would i be happy if i worked very hard and was very successful my whole life? Probably, but I would be very tired and drained. Would I be happy if I just got by, always getting food and basic necessities, plus a few comforts like smoking weed regularly? Probably, but is that the same LEVEL of happiness? I don't know. You see, on the grand scheme of things, happiness is hard to measure. If I said, would giving you $5 make you happy? You'd probably say sure. But if I said would giving you $500 right now make you happier? You'd probably say yeah to that too. But when comparing two long term scenarios with vastly different results, which would be happier? Sustained happiness in small amounts, or large jolts of it in short spurts? Adding time to the equation makes everything much more difficult. I think I've been subconsciously testing this myself. The past few weeks(about 8 or so), I have changed moods completely. From working hard, making great progress on goals, and being too busy to do anything "non-productive"(anything that could change the future to be better is considered productive i suppose), to smoking a good amount, making some progress but not as much, and relaxing. I don't know which makes me happier, and I don't know if EITHER makes me happy at all. I think all of this is putting me into a depression. It's hard to say now though because I've matured a bit and when I think of depression I think back to my teenage years when I was having suicidal tendencies. Ever since getting over that, I have never seen why I would want to die. Even right now, when I think I'm depressed possibly, I don't even hint at that ever. Because I got out of it before and depression can always be overcome. I feel in a slump. Chains attached to my body, too heavy for me to move. A prisoner without locks but lack of willpower. Sorry for the wall of text, but I just wanted to kind of ramble while I smoked my nights bowl.
I think balance is the key here. I also experience the change in moods, one day I feel productive, extremely happy and excited about my studies and future career, others I feel like I'm just transiting my life and everything feels like a chore. I haven't found the solution to this and I think maybe it's just a phase. However, regarding your second point, I think you should focus on your future AND or your present. Don't neglect one completely in favor of the other, you know, you don't need to study/do productive stuff 100% of the time and you shouldn't JUST smoke weed live in the moment and forget about your future either, dedicate some time to work/studies and some time for fun. Trying to enjoy the chores as well as the relax time is the key to happiness.
You're kind of on the right track. Balance is the key, but the struggle is real. Be the best you can be. Try to find work that you are passionate about. It may not be there tomorrow, but how do you get there? See the objective and the prerequisites. Break it down into baby steps. Point A to point B can be far apart and it's easy to feel as no progress is happening. The baby steps knock off obstacles all along the way and you can see the forward momentum. There will be a few steps back, but stay focused. Shift to the other side of the scale: While working towards those goals, insure your friends are positive. If they are not and you can't lean them that way, it's time to acquire positive orientated, like minded, friends. (As hard as that can often be). Enjoy life a bit. You don't necessarily need to tap into your monies to have a good time. Learn to take pleasure into finding the best toke and observation point for a beautiful sunset, a full moon, a passing graffiti laden train, an astronomy event, etc. Everyone before you has gone through these struggles, some figured it out on there own, some had mentors, the majority are still searching. Give yourself comfort and rest by knowing your objectives, while being flexible (with yourself, options remain open), and having a life too.
I feel ya man... In the grand scheme of things life is so confusing.. Just gotta find a way to keep yourself happy and do something you love. Always keep the mary jane close, cause she will always be there for you.
Insightful post, I enjoyed reading that. Hope you enjoyed your bowls, my 9-month old ak-47 are still up to par.
What ICGreen said. Long term goals are tough, the days can seem monotonous and unproductive. I had a 1.9 GPA in college after 3 semesters, then I said I was going to graduate with a 3.0 and I did. After I graduated I said I was going to get a good job. Took 6 months but I did. When I found out I was going to have a kid I said I was going to get a mortgage and a better paying job. I now have a mortgage and a 30% raise. Next I will have a house and a truck, and hopefully a family of my own one day. It's not always fun. Having an illegitimate child with a strange, awful woman has been tough. But along that journey there's been so many experiences that I wouldn't trade for the world, and it all started when I said fuck depression and put my nose to the grind. Accomplish great things.
I know how you feel. What I noticed is you are using the words happiness and money as synonyms. What makes you think money or success equals happiness? We see example after example of rich people going through extreme depression or self destructive behavior. It's because we are battered by most likely hundreds of advertisements everyday. All of which are drilling the idea into our head that possessions make life better. We are raised to believe if we're not pushing to elevate our social status than we are not progressing in life. But why? To buy more things and feel superior to more people? A couple years ago I was broke and miserable. I went to trade school, learned a skill, and got a job making 5x more money. Within a couple months I was miserable again, only this time I had money and nice things. I realized right away there's no finish line if I continue to put all my energy into this race, it's just a constant struggle to get more and feel that temporary sense of accomplishment before it fades into discontent. We all have to make a living but my personal approach is to think about money as little as possible and work to improve my happiness through living a healthy lifestyle, introspection, and pursuing my actual interests.