Ranting about my life..

Hmm, it seems like you are really struggling and maybe going to see a professional psychiatrist and therapist could help. Maybe get some happy pills and some xanax? Things might start looking up... I hope you feel better!

 

call 211 and tell them you are looking for free mental health care or a local mental health clinic or MHMR. The call is free, and you can call that number for help locating any community services you need in your area, not just mental health. They can help you find a psychiatrist and counseling that is either free or on a sliding scale based on your income- Good luck

 

I loaded up another bowl just to read this haha so this ones for you haha.. anyways..it's strange how I can relate to a lot of what you're going through, though I'm a lil older.. maybe it's indiana lol. you said you were in school, are there any kind of clubs you can join as in hobbies? Or you can join some martial arts, that's what I did after I graduated and just went to classes, it's a lot of fun, I did judo..you said you are 5'6 210 you're naturally good since you can get your waste lower to the ground..and you don't have to talk to anyone if you don't want to you just chill and wait for the instructors to teach...If you don't wanna do that then just start jogging outside, also a good time to start while it's nice and cool. and is there anyway you can get a job through your network of friends and family? If not, people are hiring now for holiday so your best chance to get a job is about now tho

 

I'm also ranting about my life.

The fucking moron that I call my business partner is so fucking stupid it is absolutely insulting.

It is insulting to be seen with this guy.

 

I mean I can understand why you're not confident...you're so fucking hard on yourself and seems like you make things worse and worse by doing nothing. Start off by going to the gym...that'll boost your confidence dramatically. Xanax is not going to help I'm sorry but that's just a waste of money and risk of addiction because I don't think you're truly anxious you're just bringing it upon yourself. You gotta find something you're good at, eat healthy, set some goals, and take some damn risks for once. If it means getting rejected 99 times, who cares? All you need is that one time to make you happy, and you'll get 100x better at shit by risking shit and having a positive attitude towards it. People don't want to make you feel like shit if you talk to them they just are kind of confused by your behavior in a way and not really sure how to react...and if they do, they're just a bitch/douche and not worth your time anyways. And getting rejected makes you feel good as long as you have the right approach to it...because hey, at least you tried.

I'm not saying that your going to fix everything overnight...like honestly it may take a little bit of time before you truly feel comfortable with yourself but you got to start now you can't just keep expecting everything to come to you. Don't smoke weed as a purpose to fix your problems either, that just makes you over-think things and makes it worse until you're finally ready to listen to yourself and not what the weed is telling you.

I'm not really sure what to say about the other things like your family and your neck/back problems but I've experienced a lot of your other problems and would say if you listen to the rest of my post you will definitely have a better shot at things but that's all I can really offer to you without knowing more. PM if you have any private questions or want to talk about something.

 

Man just be confident in your self. I just basically dont care what people think. I go out and think to myself "I'm gonna fuck some shit up today." Now I dont do that every day but it helps greatly to have confidence. You could be dead, but your not. Now get out their, and fuck shit up

 

Anthony, your own thinking is destroying you. You are so scared of what people might think of you so you try to please them and in doing so you please no one. People can't stand people like that for the most part. On top of that there are a lot of mean, bad people in this world and they prey on people like you.

The other edge of this sword of pleasing people is that it makes you do things you really don't want to do and as such you behave in a way that you can't respect yourself. If you want to change yourself Anthony, you have to start with what you think. There are 100's of really good self help books out there. Billions of people have been in your shoes and your not alone or unique. Keep searching.

If you want a book that can help you change your thinking, you might want to read Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill.

 

Damn bro, I can def relate to some of this. But dude, you are being really hard on yourself. I don't really talk that much because I can get anxious as well. But I've kinda accepted that. It's mostly in front of people I don't know though, when I'm with friends sometimes you can't stop me from talking.

Family is a difficult aspect of life, but you should work on you relationship with your padre, because from what you said, he works hard to maintain your lifestyle (even if you don't think it's all that great). Your dad would probably really appreciate going to him for advice on some of these aspects.

Friends would really help your attitude about life right now. I've always found that if you feel like shit for whatever reason, the only thing that makes it worse is sitting at home. If you really feel that bad dude, call up a buddy and chill.

As for developing friendships, that's something that I feel has come naturally to me, so I can't really relate to that. I guess my best advice is to not consider yourself so awkward because people, in general, are awkward. You can't put that label on yourself because everyone is different and awkward in their own way. The only difference between you and me is that I'm confident about my awkwardness, that's what makes me, well, me. And that's the difference between you and most people, they are just confident in their awkwardness, they have gotten accustomed and content with it. If someone thinks you're awkward, so what? Maybe they were the one's who were awkward, not you.

Simply, do what you want to do and nothing else. If you want to chill at home, do it. If you want to make new friends, fucking do it.

I have a lot of friends and people I know that I can chill with, but I only do once or twice a week just because I like being alone. I've gotten past the stage you're at and it was around 19 for me as well. You gotta be happy on your own, or you can forget about a girlfriend. What girl wants to be with someone who's depressed and needy? Not trying to be harsh, but factual.

And it's time for you to change your thought process. It's not going to be easy or quick, rather it takes practice and experiences. If you really want or need help, try going to your school's Psych dept. I know at my university they were more than happy to help any student for free. Hell, I was even forced to do a study with a counselor, and I was really surprised what 1 meeting a month for 3 months did to my thinking.

Good luck son!

 

Here is what you do:

Write up a five to ten minute stand-up comedy routine. Learn the major points and the transitions; you can ad-lib the rest if you want. Pay attention to what would be considered awkward jokes and DO NOT include them. Go to an local open-mic night and just do it. If you get laughs, awesome. If you get heckled, just smile and come back the next open mic.

I'm not telling you to become a professional comedian, but making yourself vulnerable in front of a crowd of people is one of the most freeing experiences. If you feel a bit more sociable when you're high, and you think you can get away with it, smoke up a bit (don't get totally faded or anything) before you get on stage.

 

You took the time to write it, so I took the time to read it

You're way to hard on yourself and are over-thinking everything. Really, only you can dig yourself out of the hole you are in. I highly suggest you start working out, not only will it improve your appearance but it will also increase your self-esteem (nicer body = happier more confident you)

Good to see you're going to get out there and find a job! Keep trying until you get one. It will be well worth it, and it seems like you can lose the money!

One more thing, you are constantly doubting yourself and trying to please others. Although this may hurt you to hear, a lot of people out there are looking to see you fail. Learn to say NO! and learn to say FUCK IT!

Good luck and don't give up


-Scooby

 

I could probably write a rant about twice as long as yours OP. Some of my problems are the same, some are different, but what is important for me to realize is that sometimes just focusing on something, anything besides what you're going through can make all those problems disappear. Try to stay positive, man.

P.S. I am totally fucking gone right now, hope this is literate.

 

We all have problems, either fix them or move on. Moping around being depressed doesn't solve shit. People say we shouldn't rely on substances to dull our misery. But I would much rather get smashed everyday than be a suicidal pill addict.

 

Is that you in you're profile pic? if so you look fine, like a normal 19 year old and It's good you used it as a profile picture '' if that's you'' because it shows atleast you are open minded about yourself on the INTERNET which more people see than you're collage

 

I just skimmed over the responses, so sorry if I repeat anything lol. First of all as a fellow human being and young adult (I'm 20) I'm sorry you feel this way, and my heart goes out to you. Hopefully I can help a bit. I've come into a LOT of information very recently that has changed my life dramatically so maybe I can offer some completely different advice to help you out a bit.

What is your major or intended major, and what type of a school are you at? Your school environment can have a massive impact on the way you feel about life itself. Community? University? Public? Private?

Here's another relationship that is probably having a massive impact on your self-view. First, forget about money. At the end of your life, it will be the relationships you had that ended up mattering, not how much money you or your family had or how "nice" your house was, it will be the people inside it. You really could benefit by finding a way to do something with your dad that requires little if any money and allows him to get away from all of his stresses, as well as yours. Does he like the outdoors? Maybe try to set up a day just for you two. As a father of five kids it's impossible for him to not know that sometimes when one of your children is screaming for help (in your case by not screaming AT ALL and keeping everything bottled up, even your voice) they need your undivided attention, even if it's just for a short time. He would love to spend a day with just you, you just have to make it work.

Regarding jobs.. Do you actually need one? Is there anything you can do to avoid getting a job? The job market right now is horrible and the global economy is on the verge of collapse, now is really the worst time to NEED a job. Would it be possible for you to drop a class or two to save on fuel costs?

Second, you CAN talk to people. All of us as humans were blessed with the divine ability we call speech, unique among all organisms on this planet. The ONLY thing holding you back from talking is yourself. You can make all the excuses about the conversation being awkward that you want, but they're just excuses. You're lying to yourself to avoid taking any real action. You need to accept the fact that yes, once you start talking to people it is going to be awkward, especially since you have a habit of NOT talking to people. But people aren't judging you in their heads constantly, even if you absolutely believe they are. We have more important things to worry about than you being a bit awkward when talking to new people; it's to be expected. Realize that even if you are "that awkward guy that tried to talk to me" to someone, the ONLY opinion about you that actually has any effect on you is your opinion of yourself. The only thing anyone else's opinion of you can do is coerce you to change your opinion. Ultimately, you're in control, and you always have been.

You're only an awkward fuck because you're playing the role of an awkward fuck when you encounter people because that's what you've told yourself is supposed to happen. The problem is that you've already created this future for yourself, where the other person has a terrible time. Problem is, just like their opinion of you can only "nag" at your opinion, it works the other way around. If they have a bad time with you, it's only because they chose not to change that and make it a good time, and neither did you. All you have to do is go into an interaction with the idea that MAYBE, just MAYBE it will be fun, and I think you'll be pleasantly surprised at how gentle most people will be towards you.

How about instead of doing absolutely nothing next time you get home from school, you go for a walk? Doesn't matter where, just get out of the house and do something different. Humans thrive on the energy and light the sun (as the nucleus of this atom that is our solar system) gives us. If you deprive yourself of those energies and that light, your body, mind, and spirit suffer terribly. Just get out into the sun a bit, take a while to think about how warm it feels against your skin. Remember, when you're in your last moments, what will have mattered in life is the relationships you had and the view you carried about life. Take a while to develop a relationship with the sun and recognize all "he" has done to bring you to this planet at this point in time. You're here for a reason. You need to find that reason. Instead of doing nothing, do SOMETHING! Anything meaningful! You can have a COMPLETELY unspoken, private relationship with your Sun and he will NOT judge you for who you are.

You can't let someone else define your happiness. What matters is YOU. It's YOUR reality, YOUR experience, it's up to YOU to make yourself happy. Whether that be through getting a girlfriend or something else, realize that it's not her that's making you happy, it's you actively seeking to make yourself happy, and thus manifesting that into YOUR experience. If you don't seek happiness, you're not going to find it. However, at the same time all the answers are inside YOU.

It won't. I know you're not aware of it, because mainstream media won't cover it, but there's MAJOR changes going on in the world right now. The US economy and by extension the entire global economy is on the verge of total collapse. We live in a manufactured debt slave system that is based entirely on fictional concepts, and that system is coming down fast. This is going to be a completely different country in a year, not to mention what might happen in the next 5 years. There are many things going on in the cosmos as well that are extremely significant for us on our speck of star dust. The pretend money that we have used for the last 90 years is not going to matter, likely in a matter of months. What you need to do is work on the things that really matter, like your relationships with family and friends, and your relationship with yourself and your reality.

Here's a couple definitions of the word "slavery" from google:

slav·er·y (slv-r, slvr)
1. The state of one bound in servitude as the property of a slaveholder or household.
2.
a. The practice of owning slaves.
b. A mode of production in which slaves constitute the principal work force.
3. The condition of being subject or addicted to a specified influence.
4. A condition of hard work and subjection: wage slavery.

slavery [ˈsleɪvərɪ]
n
1. (Law) the state or condition of being a slave; a civil relationship whereby one person has absolute power over another and controls his life, liberty, and fortune
2. the subjection of a person to another person, esp in being forced into work
3. the condition of being subject to some influence or habit
4. (Business / Industrial Relations & HR Terms) work done in harsh conditions for low pay

Sound familiar? You're a slave to the acceptance of other people. You have completely denied yourself self-love, which is THE MOST IMPORTANT thing you can ever have. You can't love ANYBODY else until you have learned to LOVE YOURSELF. And you can't learn to love yourself until you unbind yourself from this slavery.

I think you should use your spare time to learn. Learn about our society. Learn about our law. Learn about the cosmos. Learn about the nature of this reality. Just get out there and start absorbing as much information about anything you possibly can. You need to just download a TON of information and use that information to start connecting dots between things and start THINKING. You're a slave to your fears right now, and the only way to break that slavery is to start facing them head-on. To do that you need to think about WHY you're afraid of the things you are. To do that you first need to learn to think for yourself, and I promise you can do better than what you're doing right now. You have all the power in the world to create whatever reality you want your experience to be. It's up to you.

I'm gonna give you some links to some videos to watch. They're not meant to be any kind of truth or anything, I'd just like to open you up to some new information to help open your mind and wake you up out of the zombie-like sleep you're in, and trust me, you are asleep right now. You said you sit at home and do nothing after school, so before you go out and try to fix your relationships, watch some of these and start investigating some brand new material. Maybe these will help you gain some insight into life. I can be pretty confident in saying that you haven't seen much if any of this stuff. I have loads, so just let me know if you want more.

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VpZt2sKVE&feature=pyv&ad=6739540474&kw=conspiracy"]Youtube-College Conspiracy[/ame] You'll want to watch this one, promise.

You chose to be here on Earth Just some inspiring words.

Esoteric Agenda Part of what's REALLY going on in the world today.

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hI6DRJXUYOQ&feature=player_embedded"]Truth and Lies in the War on Terror[/ame] Kind of self-explanitory.

UNGRIP WATCH THIS.

Dannion Brinkley - The Changing Face of Time Very inspiring, seriously!

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UyyjU8fzEYU"]How it feels to have a stroke[/ame] This woman is a neuroscientist, and she was blessed with the opportunity to experience a stroke first-hand. What she learned is amazing.

Spiritual Reality - Near Death Experiences A compilation of people who have had Near Death Experiences, who all describe a remarkably similar experience.

DNA - Pirates of the Sacred Spiral Dr. Len Horowitz on the truth about DNA. Very eye-opening.

Also read Does DNA Emit Light?.

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vAXw1Y1wTTY&feature=related"]Astrotheology - The Science of "As Above, So Below"[/ame] Santos Bonacci talks about some very hidden and very VERIFIABLE facts about the nature of our reality.

Reclaiming Dominion Same guy talking about reclaiming YOUR dominion over YOURSELF.

Again, I'm sorry for this huge post but I'm really hoping some of this can help you out. Feel free to PM me or reply to this here!