Last night we had a fight and my wife has gone to her mom's place. She took the kids, and she even took the maid. Now I am left home alone, and she texted me, "Have a nice life." She's implying she wants to get divorce, and she wants me to move out of the house because she feels it's her house because her mom paid for it. She does this every fucking time. And I am... hung over from last night's vodka and I don't need another reason to give me headache. I feel like a fucking idiot for being in this predicament, and I feel terrible for my kids... especially the older boy because it'll be his birthday in two days. Last year, I missed his birthday because me and my wife had a huge fight. It's been a year, almost to the date since that fight, and now we're doing this shit all over again and I'm sick and tired of this bullshit. Right now, I am angry, I am frustrated, and I am fucking boiling on the inside. I want to break something, or kill someone. I want to drive my car off a cliff, or shoot myself in the head. I want this fucking bullshit drama to end but I don't know how to end it. The only way that I can think of to end this is if I say, "FUCK IT, IT'S OVER!" But I know I'm not supposed to say that. But at the moment that is all I can think of. I need time to digest all this, but time is not something I have right now. My wife was never known for patience, nor understanding capability. She wants result NOW, and I guess the result she's looking for is for me to cave in and crawl back to her and say I'm sorry. But I don't think that'll solve anything. May be it's time we took our time off and think about what we want to do with the rest of our lives. We're in our mid 30's... we still have a long years ahead of us. If we're to be together, then we got to figure out a way to stay together without doing this bullshit fight every few months. Or may be we should split up. At the moment, splitting up sounds real good to me, but the kids... Fuck... she does that all the time. Use the kids to get leverage on me. She knows my Achille's hill is the kids...
All women know that. Well I shouldn't say all, because some don't use the kids as leverage. Mine didn't have the common sense god gave her, and unfortunately the courts and the law tends to side with the mothers...there's a saying that it's cheaper to keep her (alimony, child support, health insurance, etc) but sometimes it's just not worth it, as was my case. I would rather receive less than 45% of my paycheck and see my kid less than to have continued putting up with my ex. I am a lot happier now, and the time that I do have with my kid is now quality time, an we have a good time together, it isn't filled with tension like when I was with my kids mother. So you basically have to figure out what is more worth it to you.
Sometimes you have to do the math and decide which is better for the kids, having you both there and dealing with the drama, or deal with an absent parent. When my oldest was 2 (he's 19 now), I chose to walk...With him. The judge gave me custody as well, so they don't always side with the mother. Gotta say, it was a tough time but it made it possible for me to meet the love of my life, marry her and have a family with a woman that was there for the long haul. Having a fight every few months though doesn't sound like a relationship that can't be fixed. I guess it depends on how ugly the fights are, I guess? I wish ya luck, whatever you decide. Just don't decide anything while you are angry. Cool off, think it through and make the best decision you can for your kids.
I feel your frustration and anger and sadness. It has been a little over a year since I left my husband. We started dating when i was 22 and somewhere in the 14 years that followed we grew up but not into two people who could be together. There's a part of song that goes "we're like fire and gasoline, I'm no good for you, you're no good for me." If y'all continue doing this same shit, you will end up hating each other and with a poisoned heart. That's no way for you to live and not the kind of relationship you want to model for your kids. You sound like a good person and father. I'm guessing it would break your heart a little if your kids grew up and ended up in a relationship similar to their parents. Honestly, this year had been incredibly hard but the day-to-day anxiety from being under the same roof and just waiting for the next big fight is no longer. Only you know what is best for you and your children. Rant it out. Cry it out. Smoke something. Then later when you can think a little clearer and calmer, be honest with yourself about your situation. Maybe even put some stuff on paper to help you organize your thoughts. I know right now there are probably a million thoughts running through your head so fast your head wants to explode and you may want to just give up. Hang in there and keep your cool as best you can.
She works. She has a day job. We both do. She takes the kids to her office, where she's the daughter of the company owner. -- It's been a day since... the fight and I am neither calmer, nor angrier. I'm sort of in a 'coma' state where like the 'southernsungirl' said, millions of thoughts are swimming in my head in a very disorderly fashion. One moment I'm mad, the next moment I'm sad, then I'm back to being mad, and back to being sad... -- I've been through this before. Many times. Shit gets tough, and sometimes the best thing to do is just call it quit. End the perpetual bullshit and misery. But I can't get myself to allow the option of breaking up to be considered. It's like I only have one choice, which is to try to stay together, but it leads to a dead end. And I have no other alternatives. So I'm stuck. If I am to find another way out of this mess, I have to consider the option of divorce. But everytime I even remotely think about divorce, my head starts to spin and my stomach doesn't feel good. I feel like I want to throw up. So I erase the thought of getting a divorce because... it's just not acceptable. I CAN'T get divorced because... I consider it to be the biggest failure in life.
I had all day to smoke weed but I didn't. I wanted a clear head. But... It's getting intolerable. And my head is not clear anyway... It's mirky with bad thoughts... dark thoughts... terrible thoughts... Am I making the biggest mistake of my life? Am I about to lose the best thing I ever had? Am I going to die?
Why did we fight? What was the fight about? We fought because of something she said. She said she feels she's doing more for the family than me, and I'm taking advantage of her. And I said how can you say, let alone think that? And after that, we got really mean with words... What's the main issue here? What do I want? What does she want? The main issue is... me and my wife have different ideas about how our family should function. She thinks I should be in the kitchen, and I think she should be in the kitchen. What do I want? I want her to go in the kitchen and cook me something. What does she want? She wants me to... cut off my balls and become her bitch. Something like that...
Tough situation bro. Take time to think what you really want and what will be best for your family. No shame in apologizing to your woman.
Apology only works if it's meaningful. I need to genuinely feel sorry, but I'm just not feeling it man... Hm... may be I should concentrate on thinking about what I did wrong.
[quote name='"GGrass"'] Apology only works if it's meaningful. I need to genuinely feel sorry, but I'm just not feeling it man... Hm... may be I should concentrate on thinking about what I did wrong.[/quote] I was in the same exact situation. Constantly being told I'm not doing enough (while I work a full time job and made sure as soon as I came home to spend my time with my daughter, help clean up, etc. ) but it was never good enough. For some reason she had major trust issues with me, anything you could think of. It was really a constant daily battle to be happy, and try to make her happy, but it the end, it wasn't good enough. I came to find out she had cheated on me multiple times while we were together (im guessing that's where her trust issues with me started), and I even tried forgiving her for that. I cried when I told her it was over. I felt horrible, felt like I was the cause for making my family broken. I felt like a deadbeat for leaving my daughters mother. But after some time passed, I came to realize it wasn't my fault. There is only so much a person can take before they give up and decide you know what? I deserve to be happy as well. She is the cause if my high anxiety, social problems, and feeling like I'm not good enough for anyone or anything. Since we have been seperated, I have yet to have another anxiety attack, I've been working on building my self esteem back up, and now I just concentrate on making my life better for myself and being able to give my daughter the world. What I'm saying is, you shouldn't stay with someone just because you have a kid and society says that's what you need to do. If there is constant tension, that's what your kids will grow up around, and think that's how life is supposed to be. Ask around, search the Internet. There are plenty of cases where grown adults wish their parents had seperated long before they actually did because no one was ever happy. Your kids might not understand it now, but they will as they get older. It was hard for me to even grasp that concept, but everyday it gets more apparent. Everytime I have to drop my daughter back off at her mothers house, she starts crying and says no! (she's only two by the way), so they do know who is in the wrong, even at such a young age. But as they get older they will be able to make their decisions, decide who they want to live with, etc. As time passes it does get easier, but the only person that can make changes are you and your wife. If your wife doesn't make any changes, then there isn't much else left to do. I wish you the best of luck in how you handle the situation, and just thought sharing my experience with you would help give you some insight by someone who has been there, and has gone through that, especially from another fathers point of view.
Plant weed in her purse or office or somewhere sneeky then call in an anonymous tip to the police. It`ll teach her a lesson, you`ll get the kids... and the Spanish maid. Do it, I mean, don`t hold back, then settle down with a kinder woman. Either that or keep doing what your doing now, you`ll eventually get a divorce, she`ll get the kids, and you`ll drive your car into the river and spend the rest of eternity in hell. Just plant weed on her or in her work place, the only thing you`ll have to lose is the kids, which you may lose if you wouldn`t win them in court. Hell, if I knew you in real life I would do it for you, for free! Think about it.
Your children will most of the time rather see you separated then together and upset all the time. I would have rather my parents split up then stay together with the constant fighting they do. What's meant to be, will be. Sometimes we have to stop thinking of whats best for the one we love and start thinking about whats best for us, especially if the one we love doesn't love us back.
Thanks to everyone for your thoughts. Guess what I did? I apologized... And now we're healed. I'm gonna try my hardest not to let this happen again.
My parents split up when I was 12, because as another poster put it quite well they were like 'fire and gasoline'. it took a few years but things settled down, they're even friends now, my mum has remarried and I've lived with her the past decade or thereabouts. My thoughts on this would be try not to poison the well, DO NOT go through some revenge planting shit on her or something, for starters it could be tracked down to you and then how would the courts/kids feel about you? If you can't live with her, you can't live with her... and you need to be able to accept that. Other options would include reconciliation, and perhaps counseling? Some things can be worked out... some can't. Don't walk into it with black and white attitudes as to how it will go. Don't stab out for revenge. Remain flexible, calm, and see where it goes in the next few days. And yeah, I get that she's been a bitch about it. From what I've read she's been totally in the wrong on how she's handled things on her end, but you can't use that as justification to lash out yourself, on any level. It'll just make things far far worse. Peace out dude, and the best of luck to you Also: Wow the states still has Alimony? I'm all for child support, for sure, but the idea that in a modern world one spouse has to support the other even after a break-up or divorce is... just insane from my point of view. It's supposed to be a level playing field these days :S
I hate seeing anyone in turmoil over a relationship even if I dont really know them with that being said im glad you were able to work everything out.