Qualities

The order of qualities for me is...
Sense of humor, then intellect, then common interests, and then looks.


I actually have a running list of "deal breakers"
1. liking nickelback
2. not being smart (1 and 2 kind of go hand in hand)
3. Wearing crocs
4. honestly, being of a different faith (or having one in general) or having vastly different political views would be a deal breaker. because I can't imagine disagreeing on something so big

 

well i guess looks obviously grab the attention. tbh its like check from bottom up/up to bottom. Gotta check the looks first. Then ya'll meet, and you chat n stuff. and i guess humor and stuff play a roll. but also like 1st impressions work..idk being sweet, funny. Understanding of my weirdness (but we are all weird in our own way). Maybe certain viewpoints. For me, liking being outdoors and nature. Sound flitty, but liking animals because well..dogs and cats are awesome. I guess just being sweet too..1st dates are 1st dates though...

 

All I need is a mirror to see my significant other.

 

^^ gotta love how a girl posted that. lol

idk when i look for a girl i ask these to myself( in this order)

1. is she interested..
2. is she honest.
3. attractive?
4. hows the sex?
5. does she smoke ( care if i smoke infront of her.. frequently)
6. does she get along w. my friends( very few)
7. and the usual deal breaker, can i hang out w. her all day w.o getting annoyed etc

any score higher than 4 out of 8 is acceptable wifey status. obviously exeptions have been made.

 

I think when it comes down to it, yes being funny, sweet, attractive ect is important but if he truly loves me and cares for me. And everything is honest then that's all that matters.

 

The most important thing is we must have things in common. I look for honesty. A good sense of humour. Smart. Nice. Outgoing and talkative. Smoke bud. Looks are the least important thing. Because when I meet someone I talk them as a friend first after I get to know them I decide friend or more then friends. If the guy has a good personality, but he doesn't look good he will start to be more attractive. Just like a cute guy with an ugly personality will become less attractive.

 

hard for me to put into a specific order, but i look for deez: honesty, confidence, a smidgeon of intelligence, similar music taste, sense of adventure, no beard, likes being outdoors as much i do, can see the beauty in the smallest most mundane things, drugs.

 

Honestly? I found my girlfriend looking for nothing. Lower your standards in what you want in a woman (or male.) I hate when people say "I look for good looks, smarts, interests, laughter, blahblahblah." Well, no shit? Nobodies perfect and having a relationship with somebody takes a little bit more than that.

What I look for is realism. Mature conversation and having the means to build on a day to day basis. Will a sense of humor come? Sure. Do looks matter? At first. Do smarts matter? Maybe a tad but when it comes down to it, you must build chemistry first and that means trying to explore these things without really TRYING to explore if that makes any sense.

Thing that bugs me about people is they are afraid of difference's. Hell, I've been with my girl for 6 years and even though we have MUCH in common, we have so much uncommon. Like I grew up loving horror movies and what not. She literally despises horror movies with every inch of her body & I won't be able to enjoy that effect with her but I do in my own way & she does things in her own way. Difference's are sometimes good things.

 

but some qualities are needed to sustain certain relationships, and knowing those qualities isn't a bad thing. I, for one, would not date a boy if he wasn't smart. He doesn't have to be college educated and there isn't a standard, but I have to feel intellectually challenged on a certain level. (I'm not mega intelligent, but I think it's important to have someone on your level to challenge you, is all)

Also, liking/disliking horror movies is such a small difference in a relationship. Everyone is going to disagree on something, but some differences are too large to overcome. Like religion, for me. If I think someone's religion is absolutely absurd, and it's a large part of my significant other's life, it probably won't work out. Same with politics. It's nice having someone to agree with, and be able to talk openly.

Differences are fine, because they're definitely going to happen, but similarities are more rare.

edit: I like how I said something stupid, while talking about liking smart guys

 

A positive outlook on life. I don't want a girl that brings me down all the time.

 

Everything you start to look for in a person starts arising in different ways if you don't look for them constantly. If you try to look for certain qualities in people right away, changes are you'll be disappointed.

In one person, you may find the need for them to have a better sense of humor, but they may make up for it by having the ability to communicate and have a worthy conversation and touch on other interests.

I'm not saying date a mentally challenged person or a complete bloke and be okay with it, of course when you start dating somebody, those things will come to the surface and you will decide equally what's best for you in chemistry.

I'm just saying don't go looking for these things right out the gate because if you're going to be with somebody for the long-term, almost every time they won't start opening up to you until later on down the road if you both give each other the chance.


As for difference's, that "horror movie" reference was just the tip of the iceberg and I wasn't going to mention it, but I'm an Atheist. My girlfriend and her family? Full-blown Christian. Religion is a HUMONGOUS part in her life and they give a big portion to Christ in their lives.

How did that go over? Even though I despised every second of it, I partake in family gathering's. I go to *some* church gathering's and her uncle is a pastor (one of the most incredibly nicest guy I've ever met). I've talkin' to them numerous times. Of course, they tried forcing shit on me, but there's one thing on my mind and one thing only, and that's love for my girl and there's everything and anything I'd do to compromise with her because we genuinely love each other.

We've already talked about starting our lives and there WILL be major differences on how to raise children but we'll simply deal with it when the time comes & make it work.

9/10 people fail in relationships because they are too petty or selfish.

 

While I think disagreeing on things is a wonderful part of a relationship, I don't think religion is a petty difference at all. While it's great that you and your girlfriend make it work for now, it's not something I'm willing to compromise. People are different. At the point where I'm feeling that my significant other is pushing something on me, is where I'll take issue with it. You realize, since she seems to love you so much, she's going to want to protect your soul. As of now, she thinks you're going to hell. As you said, it'll become a larger issue in the future. I realize these people mean well when they try to push religion on you, they think they're doing you a favor. It's nice, and shows how much you care about her, that you're willing to entertain her and her family with a couple church gatherings (I do the same with my family) but that's such a big part of someone's life, don't you wish that was something you could agree on with your life partner? While she may be respectful of your beliefs now, deep down, she loves you so much that she wishes you would come around.

On the first date with my boyfriend, we talked religion and politics hard. While we do disagree on smaller things, big issues we agree on (and are passionate about) and it's wonderful. We can debate and be on different sides of issues, while still being on each other's side. If I thought what he believed in/stood for was completely wrong, I don't think it would work out.

It's not petty to know what you want in a partner. A sense of humor is also a major thing for me. Even if they can hold a worth while conversation, it isn't going to make up for not being able to take a joke.

I do agree though, if you go through life with a giant list of aspects you HAVE to have in a partner, then your constantly going to end up disappointed with someone, but there is nothing wrong with having core characteristics that are mandatory, that you're not willing to compromise on. (Those things are different for different people)

 

I've been with my girlfriend for 6 years and we've had multiple conversation's about religion and I've told her my side of the entire fairytale I think it is. At first, she wasn't open to it, but as time went on, she respects my beliefs (I certanly respect her's) & listened to what I had to say.

I just learned to understand that religion is indeed apart of her and if she is so passionate about something, then I don't want ANYTHING to change about that and I love the fact she has such strong beliefs. Makes her who she is. I've made a point to her family and they know my stance. I'm not always there on Sunday's but I proved to them I'm one of a knd and they love me for who I equally am and wouldn't have anybody else date their daughter or sister, so that's comforting. We found that balance.

As for the other stuff, everything comes into play eventually down the road with somebody. Having chemistry is one of the VERY FIRST THINGS needed if you want a relationship with somebody and you'll know right off the bat if you'll be into them. It's those secondary "wants" rather than "needs" some people mistaken in what they think they need in a relationship when in reality, it could work in a bunch of ways.

Finding your significant other isn't easy. There's a ton of things you must ask from yourself and expect things to land on the other person as well and expect them to deliver to you as well. Takes hard work to get to a certain place and most people are afraid of that challenge because most people look for way too many quality traits into somebody when there all simply not going to be there.

But yes, as time goes on, some things that attract you must standout if you want a relationship to move forward. That's just human nature.

 

some one that understand KCCO.

 

It is so hard to say what I pinpoint for in a person, I love who I love really. But if I have to put the qualities I strive to look for I'd say high intelligence (as high, if not higher than I), a kind good soul, open minded (I can't stand stubborn people), and independent for the most part. Well... and hopefully they at least smoke weed.

 

I dont constantly look for the things I want in a person. I dont even look for a relationship off the bat. I focus on what we have in common and if we would be friends. I get to know people before I date them. If the person is someone who I dont have anything in common with and we would never be friends then I wont date them. I look for people who I'd still be friends with even if we never dated.

We dont have to have everything in common, but there's a few things we must have in common and that is similar religious beliefs, politics, music, and sense of humor. Those are just things I couldn't get over. It doesnt really matter if the person has really good conversation if he doesnt get my sense humor we wont get along and I love to laugh so it just wouldnt work. The same with religion, politics and music. We may have great conversation, but we'll never truly understand eachother. I don't call this being petty, I call it being realistic. If we don't have certain shit in common, its not going to work. I've been there and guess what? It didnt work. My bestfriend and I should be perfect for eachother... We have the same sense of humor, we get along great, we could talk all night, we like the same kind of movies for the most part, we have great chemistry (and AMAZING sex) but we would never work. We have different outlooks on life and our personalities are different, hes a drinker, I'm a smoker two completely different mentalities. We also have big differences in music taste and politics. We argue sometimes and its always because of the ways we are different, the way we look at things. As friends we're fine, but in a relationship we'd argue WAY too much. You must have more then that initial chemsitry. Its what brings you together, but its not what keeps you together. For me what keeps me in a relationship is our friendship and how well we can relate to eachother. Relating and understanding eachother is whats most important for me.

And as for the child thing. You might be in for a rude awakening. Having differences on the way you want to raise your child is a BIG issue, trust me. There's kind of no compromise when it comes to kids. Either you want them to be religious or you dont, either you're ok with cursing around them or you arent, either you want to discipline your child by spanking or you dont. And having a child changes you, it changes your views and stances on things. When I was pregnant my ex and I agreed on most things about raising our kid. Then I had her and EVERYTHING changed. I grew up, I saw the way I thought I was going to raise was not the best way she could be raised. My ex on the other hand didnt change his views. So we kept butting heads on EVERYTHING. It was not working at all. It was putting even more stress on our relationship. We could see that we wouldnt compromise. It just wasnt going to happen and it didnt.