Qualifying question

Threads like this probably crop up a lot, so I'm sorry if my dilemma isn't unique enough to separate me from the spam. I've read the stickies and haven't found any answers to my questions, but of course I'm human and I'm susceptible to laziness and there's a good chance It's been under my nose this entire time, so my bad if so.

The entire basis of my question, dilemma and this post are pretty much based on speculation. I feel like I could probably qualify in one of the MMJ states. My insides ache, terrible insomnia, multiple forms of anxiety, terrible depression and I believe my stomachs fucked beyond belief. These are only a few things among my pile of problems.

The thing is, I don't think I have much of a medical history and I don't have anything saying I've had anything wrong with me. This is because I've never really been to a doctor but a few times in my 21 years of life. I grew up in poverty and due to a series of shitty events I've just never been checked out. Obviously, this means I probably don't have anything immediately/urgently life threatening since I'm continuing to function, but I don't know.

Right now I have no job or vehicle and I don't live with my parent and even if I did, she can't even get herself checked out (shes even worse than me and shes running on at least 20~30 years of no treatment), basically what I'm saying is right now I simply can't go to a doctor or pay for any bills or medication right now.

Getting to my question, I'll eventually have myself checked out (as soon as I am capable) and if it turns out that my problems do qualify will I be able to receive a MMJ card? I've read around a couple of different places and it sounds like you need to have a meaty medical history behind you before they'll even consider it, this is something I just don't have, will I have to wait for years and build up a medical history for them to give me the OK?

My medical history from memory:
8~9 Yrs old the school nurse checked everyone including my spine for irregularities (I don't think I had any)
9~10 I went to the doctor for severe headaches, was treated and never had them since
11~12 I went to some one about my depression and was prescribed medication which I never took
13~14 I went to the hospital because my left nut was throbbing in pain and I was prescribed medication and it went away (possibly just learned to live with it or it was just bad blue balls)

And that's pretty much everything, each case was only a single visit and I don't even think I've ever had a physical done. It could turn out I'm perfectly healthy and I'd be overjoyed but this question is for the worst case scenario. I smoke weed when I can (I have no money) and it definitely helps me with all of my major malfunctions.

Thanks in advance.

Tl;dr, There is no Tl;dr. If you can't read my post seriously then you probably wont answer my post seriously, sorry.