I guess talk about your opinion on kids getting hit as a consequence for a bad action. Also how your were raised and treated growing and if you think you turned out good because of it or not? I think because of "time outs" and taking away video games, i could of turned out better if my punishments were harder. im not saying they shoulda hit me every time i did something wrong but some of the things i do i can just tell its because of the way i was raised, and to most people i was raised good but too spoiled and not harsh enough punishments made me not care about what i do sometimes.
my parents hit me until i was around 11 or 12 years old. not abuse or anything, it was just a little hit when i did something really stupid. i think i turned out fine. whats so cool about my parents now is that they know i smoke and dont care, and are willing to buy me alcohol if i want it (which is rare - i just stick to green). but as for beating my future kids, i would say its necessary in some situations - but don't over do it.
I am 100% against hitting kids as punishment. How can we teach our children that hitting is wrong if we hit them ourselves? I was physically abused for most of my childhood and I never want my son to live through what I did. I don't think corporal punishment solves anything and I won't do it or allow anyone else to do it to my kid. I also don't let him play with kids who are spanked as a punishment. That's not an environment I want him to be around.
i def understand your opinion on that hempress. My opinion is that if you got hit when you did something really wrong, not abused just something to get your attention i think is fine. teaches respect and discpline.
If not hitting kids worked, than the world would be a much easier place to live. However, if you don't discipline them- someone will. Jail is so much worse than being beaten as a kid, and getting your ass wupped because you don't know how to respect people isn't very nice either. Some people go too far and that isn't discipline as much as it is torture! Discipline is a HUGE sign of love and devotion, because it is not easy to do- but it's impact lasts a lifetime. Over-discipline is a huge downfall with people wanting to discipline their children in my opinion. "my dad beat me so I won't do it to my kid" There is a reason we have the word sheltering. Or babying is another word for it. It is not good, it is the same as over-discipline. It is under-discipline. Sometimes time out works, sometimes you have a partically pain in the ass child who doesn't respond to time out or taking things away. These kids need a boot in the ass. There is no other way. I am a perfect example- Don't hit a kid that can be disciplined in another way- but don't look down on it like some people don't have kids that are problem children. Don't you think they've tried other things? Just a thought, I see where you are coming from not wanting to hit them- but the whole not letting them be around kids would do get spanked? That says your method is somehow better and more humane than theirs. Have you thought about what would happen if your methods produced a child that didn't fear punishment?
Just because I don't spank doesn't mean I don't discipline. I'm not going to lie. I think my method is better and more humane than those that spank.
I got spanked when I was little, my parents stopped that when we were like 6 though, although don't be fooled if you gave my mom lip she wouldn't take it, my little sister got a nice back hand across the face, mind you she still hasn't ever screamed in my mother's face again. I think there are waaaaay too many spoiled little brats out there, and that's because of a complete lack of discipline, I don't believe in smacking your kid with a frying pan or anything, but when they are little you can't always reason with them, and a pat on the butt really isn't that bad. Save the reasoning and negotiating for when your kids are older, grounding kids doesn't really work anymore. "go to your room!" "okay!" I mean c'mon kids have TVs, more game systems than I EVER had combined, DVD, VCR, a computer, it's really not a punishment anymore. I think the best form of discipline, good old yard work like I did, go outside, move rocks and wood and stuff like that, kinda like community service in a way. And it's like killing two birds with one stone, they're getting exercise and your yard will be clean!
Let me explain why I said that. My son is just barely 3. He doesn't understand why some children are hit by adults and I can't explain it to him yet. I just don't want him to see people being hit without being able to put it in context for him. When he is older I will be less strict about it, but he's too young to see that stuff now. Especially since he is going through a hitting phase and I am trying to ease him out of it.
hitting phases are natural hempress, (please don't take this as parenting advice I used to hit when I was little and I turned out to be an incredibly peacefull adult.. I also watched a lot of powerrangers.
It makes sense to me Hemp, most children can't make connections well until they are a few years older than your son. I mean that's the reason TV is so bad for kids, they can't distinguish between reality and fiction sometimes, so trying to explain why parents can hit kids but kids can't hit anyone would baffle them.
Oh, I know I knew it was going to come. But I'm just dealing with it now. He's not that bad about it, though. I remind him that we don't hit people or animals and he apologizes and gives whoever a hug. It's very cute.
I never said you didn't discipline- I said sometimes hitting is a necessary form of punishment. I agree he's too young to hit, now that you explain his age it makes more sense. Just don't be afraid of the mighty backhand when he gets lippy around 13.
I was never actualy hit my parents used to shout and scream names and lots of curses and occasonaly throw things at me and miss...ussualy. and i turned out peaceful P.S i was not the greatest child
i believe that it should be included in the discipline repertoire but it should be reserved for the worst of transgressions. The sparser its usage, the more effective it is. It should be shown that its as painful for the parent as it is for child and hopefully the child realizes that what he or she did should never happen again. Most punishments i got when i was young were deprivation of toys/friends or strenuous chores ( I can't tell you how many yards of dirt i shoveled, it must be in the several hundreds) but there were the very rare instances that i got the hand instead. My older brother, 12, and I, 9, nearly burned down the forested lot next to my house playing with gasoline bombs. after desperately putting out the fires and lying about the gasoline smell on ourselves (said we were filling up the lawnmowers), we did get good beating and then grounded for the entire summer. We never did anything so stupid again nor were we ever hit again. would we have gotten the message if we got the same punishment as eating snacks before dinner, back talking or whatever? most likely not, but its hard to speculate knowing who I am now. I think I turned out very well, honest, compassionate, patient, etc etc. any maladies of my psyche that I may have were brought about by school and friends, not my parents the world is full of pain as consequences for stupid and unsafe actions (the hot stove is the classic example, you touch it just once...) and if the parent shields their child from such an experience, the child can be unprepared, incautious or feel a sense of gratuitous entitlement when they are no longer in a controlled environment. The good intentions of never hitting your child can go very wrong as many good intentions do. physical punishment isn't inherently bad, you just need to know when it should be used.
then you as the parent are doing something very wrong in parenting overall, not just in the discipline department. Its showing that you: an adult with all the wisdom and intellect that the years should have given you are deficient in some way. with those tools theres no reason why you can't control your child. perhaps you don't spend enough quality time with the child showing clearly that you love them. perhaps you do things that go against what you say. perhaps you use physical punishment much too often and its lost its meaning. perhaps you forgot to show them to be interested in other things besides pissing you off. perhaps a million other things. pain and rewards trains every other creature very effectively. if it doesn't work then the child doesn't love or respect the parent for some reason. a child should want to do right by his/her parents if being raised correctly. of course, I don't have children of my own, but I'm not an idiot i have a good understanding how people work by observing.
I believe physical discipline is neccesary, and the lack of it is the reason there are so many punk ass kids these days.
I believe that the lack of discipline period is the cause of so many punk ass kids these days, not because they're not being beaten.