Poking fun at the English language...

Discussion in 'Grasscity Forum Humor' started by Panhead, May 22, 2001.

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    Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant nor ham
    in hamburger;
    neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England
    or French fries in France.
    Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

    We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that
    quicksand can work slowly,
    boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
    And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and
    hammers don't ham?
    If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose,
    2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese?
    One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one
    amend? If you have a bunch
    of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? If
    teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
    If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

    Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for
    the verbally insane.
    In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck
    and send cargo by ship?
    Have noses that run and feet that smell? How can a slim chance and a fat chance
    be the same,
    while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

    You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can
    burn up as it burns down,
    in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm goes off by
    going on.
    English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of
    the human race
    (which, of course, isn't a race at all). That is why, when the stars are out,
    they are visible,
    but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

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