I'm not sure how into poetry you blades are, but I just thought I'd share what I've come up with so far to see if I can get some constructive criticism, or just comments letting me know what you think. So on that note: "Cycles" Breathe Expand Inflate Absorb Feel the tide The shore washing away to repeat the cycle The river of emotion "Perpetuate" The pendulum sways one decision to the next Each choice gaining momentum until flow takes stride Coast into freedom "Nurture" Soft is your rhythm nature, subtle in your course. Destinations still uncertain, but beginning from your source. Patterns found within your chaos, defined by what's inside. Sensualize the constant static, create each our guide. Without your journey mother, rest is all we'd be. Expanding all our options, infinite in what we see. "Doorbell" Why does vision appear separate? like a home with no owner. Order bombarding the senses, creating this illusion. When will the door open? seeing home is within us all. Unified in experience, denying our own relationships. Matter is secondary. Home is where the truth lies.
"Anxiety" Clawing and fighting for peace of mind Always digging for something to find Filling my head with empty thoughts Mental army shooting vocal assaults The void expressed through words of worry standing on trial to the endless jury Someday the wind will take away my sorrow and replace it with the peace it borrowed edit: "Orbit" Satelite in transmission Undergoing its own ascension Shifting gears to find its place It observes itself to correlate Signal found? Signal lost? Change the station, static tossed Seasons change, orbit flows Ascend until the signal shows
Nice dude, thats some real good stuff. I lov th first one I write a little poetry. And thanks for your post on my thread!
Thanks man! I'm a big fan of writing down ideas so I thought I'd try to translate them into poetry.. Glad someone got something out of it.. btw, your welcome to post some of yours if you feel like sharing. Your very welcome for the highdea too! lol.
"Infinite" Micro into macro Self defined by its whole Matter creating this illusion separate is a delusion obscurity in its state of being Who I am is the light within
"Heaven" Explosion of cosmic dust weave eternity into meaning Flying high on the seas of unity Feeling the chemicals all convening Beauty can't explain this, perfection at its finest A speck of sand within the beach, the water is what I seek Antenna set, wired in. The matrix flows like a siren. Wake up. look. See the sound? Vibrations creating this solid ground. Just a glitch. Just a glitch.
Nice! *subscribed* I like your subject matter and diction a lot. Rhyme, where it exists, seems a bit forced/predictable...I can't really explain what I'm trying to say very well, but it'll go away as you write more and more and put rhymes in your rhymes and then rhymes in your rhymes' rhymes' rhymes, etc. (Cuz that's "constructive" feedback, I know...) Here's a few random snippets of my work (all pretty outdated at this point): Inadequate by DonaldJones on SoundCloud - Create, record and share your sounds for free Cycles by DonaldJones on SoundCloud - Create, record and share your sounds for free ^Sorta trailed (or maybe tripped?) off at the end there, but the beginning is spoken word lol. Analeptic by DonaldJones on SoundCloud - Create, record and share your sounds for free ^This one's more of a song, but the third verse contains probably my favorite spoken-word-ish type thing I've ever done.
Thanks a lot for the criticism man! I know what your saying for sure. I like to think I'm good with words, its just the rhyming I'm not really familiar with.. Hopefully I'll be able to learn a flow with less predictable words eventually. Heading to your links now.
For whatever reason, my phones browser would only play Analeptic? Nice lyrics though! I could definitely relate to them.. I'll have to try the others when I get home.
"Society" Typhoon rising, mental cavity Language soaring, empty gravity Stuck inside this vortex tragedy Fear apparent, rigid atrophy Instant storm, desolate strategy Erasing hope systematically
"Master and its Servant" Bruised and callused is the body, torn with emotion from limb to limb Its subtle eddy's flow throughtout, the fish travel so I can live Waves created by its heart, it surfs to the place up high Sending pulses of embrace, it sings me this one lullaby My senses bring in the music, played from all around me Its wires light so bright, the treble almost drowns me Creating melody for pure enjoyment, its still lost without its master Encoding faith throughtout its life, enforcement by the mental hacker Cascade this body into eternity
"Time" Moments weave, web gives way Change enforced, always today Evolve the mind, material will follow Time will say, "Never tomorrow" Metaphysical in its prime, Coersion at its finest Adapt
"Magnet" Actions fulfilled by judgement, ropes pulled every which way Lasso this mind old cowboy, it's the risk we all must pay Tugging and pulling on my freedom, tired is an understatement These ropes capsulate my choice, pirates for common enslavement Untie me please politician, I no longer choose to play The ropes wore thin you see, strings snap when you betray Each side holds its charge, you've chose yours, I'll choose mine Freedom comes in the middle, ropes are doused in alkaline
"Grudgement Day" Guardian of animosity bare resemblance to death Soul deposited in vengeance scolds your complexion Pessimistic in its being defying all agreeance Adopt malignant grievance foreshadowing its dissonance Belligerent in intention is its personal resentment
"Perception" Sensual tree flux Paradise Leafs blossom Luminescent Thoughts entrain like water elevate its feast Sun radiates supply its seed Fertilised mind full of knowledge Conception flows fulfil its home Wind sheds foliage solarise its season
"Hello Old Friend" The screen magnifies its color The light shines bright through this window... What an amazingly cyclical show it is... Full of patterns, vocal displays Natures way to say "Hello, your welcome" Brings a smile to say "Hey, I'll stay"
"Hall of Mirrors" Structure incorruptable but yet it's melted glass ready to break is this physical. unity? I see the walls blueprint drawn out by its author lines. patterns. define its form. Parallel are these lines infinite hazy reflection Where these lines meet Is beyond imagination I've found the combination The safe is one Each number unlocks its meaning
Pure blue eyes contrast to autumn red hair, with a presence that lightens any room. I think of things to say before I enter your space. I choke on my own words and feel such a fool. Keeping me up after light mind circulating over things I should have said. I'll shave off my head and start again. Re-generation baby fresh skin Beautiful paintings and flowers and songs, can be viewed one way, they don't look back. I feel the same way looking at you. No idea of your thoughts. Trying to read expressions. Infinitely complex, I love you so much it makes me sick. I'm so damn confused. Frustrated. Determined. Ecstasy thinking of the next time we're going to meet. Planting seeds that turn into trees, just a teenage dirt-bag putting thoughts on a paper. You're like my addiction but I don't think it's a problem. We could be like Sid and Nancy, but our story will have a happy ending.
I just fell in love this haha you got talent dude. It sounds rediculously similar to this [ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JyshhhbqwdY]Unknown Prophets - Yall Need This - YouTube[/ame] I don't know if your an unknown prophets fan but they'd be worth looking into