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im not sure if that has anything to do with my thoughts, but it may.

^^Bet it does. Everything is connected in your life. Sounds like your going through a rough patch, About 1/6th of 2008 was like that for me. Graduated, couldn't get a job, broke up long term relationship, searching for direction in my life, transitions.

And you have depression which probably makes it 10 times more difficult, I'm usually pretty upbeat and I still was able to feel like shitttttttttttt, walking alone in the rain through town(literally) wanting to cry.

So, best advice, look for the good things in your life, and at the same time create a few more. You have to enjoy things, even if you feel like you can't, because you can.

Sometimes it really helps me to change my scene, even just going somewhere differenent in the neighborhood or hanging out with someone who might change my mood. Make a nice meal, talk to a pretty girl, create some art, let yourself feel good.

Good luck friend

P.S. Patience is sometimes a virtue, gotta remember life is not always bad even though it seems like it when it is.

 

Yeah, I could see how it might be hard to know, especially because it seems like if you get super angry it could in turn lead to other emotions i.e. regret....

Sounds like it's kinda a case of stress management though. If your down/have funds/means to talk to a good psychiatrist, go for it. It can really help, and has a stupid social stigma. If not, talk to to someone you trust and cares about your shit.

It helps.

But make sure they care, nothing like venting about your most sensitive shit to have the other person start talking to someone else/look away absent-mindedly...

And not to be an analytical asshole, but I was an english major and in your sig it's "pour" some hash oil

 

Well, to start with, I think you probably should talk to someone if you are worried about your thoughts.

There were many times when I was younger I had thoughts like this, but I never understood what it meant to be suicidal until I was older and I actually was. It's a very scary thing to be.

Just the fact alone that you are here talking about it, is a great thing. And I'm sure some therapy would make you feel better, even just on a temporary basis.

 

If you feel comfortable seeing someone and talking about things, I would recommend it. Depression gets worse before it gets better, and all we can really do here is give you some encouraging words to lift your spirits. I got my degree in neurobiology because I wanted to work around mentally ill people everyday, and I do, but it breaks my heart to see the pain some of these people go through. Sometimes it's because they refused to talk about their problems. Other times the meds make their problems worse. There's no quick fix man, but things can be better.

Being laid off is discouraging. That very well could've been a trigger for the feelings you have now. Suicidal thoughts definitely aren't the norm (but they're not abnormal, if you can understand that), and talking to someone might help. If your meds were helping before, start 'em up again. It sounds to me like you've got the blues from being laid off, and that's understandable. The economy sucks, the job market sucks, school is expensive as hell, and everything can get overwhelming if it's just heaped up all at once. What do you like to do? Between searching for a new job and whatever important daily tasks you have, pick up a new hobby, or do more of something you enjoy. Working out helps me. Even just getting out for a walk around the block makes me feel better sometimes.

There's a lot of us here that I'm sure would be happy to talk to you if you're feeling a bit rough. Hell, I'm trained in psychiatry, you can shoot me a PM anytime if you feel up to it. Feel better soon man, and just remember that there's no shame in talking about your problems and feelings

 

I'm a horrible disgrace of a person and I know it.

Does that count for anything?

 

Just snooch to the nooch and everything will be snoogins.

 

I give you full credit

 

When i went through issues with depression and everything that comes along with it my main prob wasnt the fac that i wanted to die. It was that alot of times i didnt think i could stop myself from going through with it. Every thought moved back to the fact that i was worthless. You just got to find something that you enjoy, or people that you want to hang out with. What saved me was who are now my best friends and alot of liquor. Thats part of the reason that i throw so many parties. It was my out route.

Main point man people will miss you, people will notice you are gone and there is now way you should take your own life. Even if you dont belive in the "God" or dont believe anything is watching over you, sucide is the only unforgivable sin. You dont want to gaurntee that if there is a god, you wont be there.

The corny thing is man that every day is what you make it. I know it was something that i went "thats a retarted saying" to, but it really is true. Just wake up, blow a bowl and try to make the best out of the day.

Just know that i personally will be very upset if your post stop!

 

Just remember that suicide is THE permanent solution... you really need to be sure if your life is worth ending before it happens.

There are only a handful of situations where suicide would be plausible, yours definitely isn't man.

Just snooch to the nooch, Don Juan de la Nooch!

 

This is where suicidal people lose me. I'm not certain how a person can go from thinking they are completely insignificant to thinking their death would have any sort of drastic impact on the world. If you are really that insignificant isn't the world pretty much already existing without you?

I think this self-loathing attitude is energy wasted. People need to redirect the energy they put into feeling depressed into something more positive. Yes, especially in our world right now, employment can be hard to obtain and it can bring you down a lot. But keep trying, the best thing to remember is that no matter how much your life sucks there are always people out there that are persevering through MUCH worse. It's unfair of us to hate our lives so much when we have more luxuries than so many other people in the world.

Suicide seems to be the default action for so many young people these days and I just don't get it. It's the most selfish action a person can make, yet they convince themselves they are doing everyone else a favor. Maybe, if you want to know how your family would feel about it, you should ask them. I doubt they are going to say they would be pleased if you killed yourself.

 

i don't know about normal. i can tell you i have felt the same. well, not so much suicide as i know i'd never be able to... but wishing i died or was never born, yeah... been there. kinda remember always being depressed back in like, grade 7-9, i think. ever since i got into weed and had a boyfriend i felt better... mostly. seem to have come full circle now, though... so.. yeah. i don't know. i forget where this response was going. probably no where, actually. can't help myself, so i suppose i can't really help you either.


but anyway.. you aren't insignificant. or maybe you are. but if you are, it's because we all are. that thought alone seems kinda depressing, but it always makes me feel better thinking about that. i often like to visualize that one picture of earth taken from far away where it looks really tiny. just because.. i don't know. it just does.
too tired to think coherently.. sorry for the useless response.
but it probably is fairly common to question your existence and life. if you feel you can't "cheer yourself up" on your own, then i think you should seek help.

 

Shit anyone on this Earth that thinks they're important shit needs to pull their head on out their ass.

This Earth is doomed, we don't live forever.

 

I'm the same way, I couldn't kill myself, EVER, but you always gotta think about it, ya naw?

Bizzoo, if it makes you feel better I have recently realized I'm a big piece of shit and a waste of human life.. you're life could be worse, you could be me.

 

Or..

buy yourself a kangaroo and box that!

 

Yeah, which is precisely why you will be so fucking pissed at that kangaroo, you will be plotting his demise and you will forget about your other problems.