Parenting: Mentorship?

Discussion in 'Sex, Love & Relationships' started by VikingToker, May 26, 2018.

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    In my circle of closest friends, there are many who share the opinion of mentorship. I've already agreed with a few of my friends to have summer exchange programs, to teach each others' kids what we are specialists at, and give them access to slightly different world views from parental figures.
    We consider this a tool with which to give our kids an early access to perspectives.

    Blades with kids, or blades thinking about kids, do you have any intention to outsource any of your upbringing of your kids?
    Do any of you do anything similar at the moment?
    Has it been good, bad?

    All info, opinions, anything is welcome, dont have to have kids of your own
     
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  2. No offense but I don't trust many others with my kids except for my husband and family. I don't even like when K y r a goes to school lbs

    ~Toni~
     
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  3. No offense taken at all, lol. I view these close friends as family, so would you send your kids off for a summer to some family members who might have a particular skill, worldview or set of experiences that your kids could learn from?
     
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  4. Well my kids do go with my mom every week from Friday to Sunday she is smarter than I will ever be about things lol so they learn a lot from her.

    ~Toni~
     
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  5. You can expose your children to the world and different lifestyles and opinions without the need for a regulated exchange program.

    For example, my daughter spends a couple weeks each year staying with her Grandmother in lovely mormon filled Utah (and yes, her relatives are all in the church).

    She was also in Girl Scouts with her Mom until we separated. Now that Mom is really not in the picture much, Girl Scouts isn't very important. She'd like to go back, but that was something her Mom really focused upon, and I don't have the energy to keep it up. Her Mom also roped me into girl scout leadership as well, something I still resent. Not that spending time with the girls was a bad thing, but the fact that Girl Scouts was supposed to be "their thing" and my time to spent away from them, but yet somehow she managed to get me involved and keep me involved when my interest was minimal at best. And the worst was how my ex would complain about all the other troop leaders and all the stupidity therein.

    The daughter has also been practicing Yoga since she was like 2, and has, more or less, a personal Yogi, though she hasn't been able to see her for a couple years, I'm hoping we'll be back in the picture there shortly.

    I've always felt that working artificially to enlighten your children is the wrong way to go about it, they learn organically through experience. You can't force it on them.

    At Age 11 I'm willing to let my child explore her world on her own terms and engage in activities that interest her, not force things upon her because I think it's what she needs. She doesn't play soccer or other sports because she has no interest. She loves to read so we hit the libraries often and book stores regularly. We go on literary outings. Nature walks, etc.

    Trying to force multi-culturalism on a child is like tilting at windmills.
     
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  6. We have K y r a in martial arts classes tho she's only 7. Both me and my husband hope she sticks with it. Probably going to get Mariah in as well when she gets a little older.

    ~Toni~
     
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  7. Our kids are grown now in their early 20's. After a BS run in with CPS, we pulled our kids from public school and homeschooled. What a world of difference. The greatest obstacle was adjusting to a new lifestyle. We were surprised to learn just how much we had become dependant on the public school system to babysit our kids whilst we were out working, shopping, running errands, etc. Then we start realizing the government has it set up that way.
    One thing we did for support was joined a local homeschool organization. Something they did, (participation optional but encouraged), was one day a week (Friday) we would have class day. A local church provided their sunday school building for classroom use. The parents volunteered to teach a class. Any subject you're comfortable with, it's your choice. Then you have your kids enroll in age appropriate classes. So like if your kid is struggling with a math concept, sometimes it just takes a different angle presented from a different person to make the light turn on. I had a 30 year career in motorcycle and auto repair, and I gave a class to young boys about how to check maintenance on theirs and their parents cars. Not that they would all grow up to be mechanics, but just to know how to check tire pressures, air filters, motor and transmission oils, simple things. We spent a day taking turns changing a flat tire, we changed light bulbs, wiper blades, learned the "why's" of safety issues. Other parents were impressed when their kids knew more about cars than they do.
    Some classes were about arts and crafts. My wife did a cooking class. It's good sometimes to switch up the environment to keep the kids interested in learning. Class days helped everyone to get out of the house. And with homeschooling, everywhere you go becomes a field trip experience. Yes, even a field trip to the gun range counts. For my kids. I didn't take other peoples kids to the gun range cuz uma skeerd. We we did have group outings and camping trips and such. We had thanksgiving and christmas shows, science fairs, achievement awards, grad ceremonies......
    Kids are only as dumb or smart as we make them.
    The more time we spend with our kids, the smarter they get.
     
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  8. Very interesting to read. I hope you are proud, from what I can perceive in your post, you have an accomplished and independent daughter, thanks to the style of parenting you have chosen.
    A point of contention, or confusion:
    Multi-culturalism was forced on me, and to my benefit, if harshly so. My parents were workaholics in the Norwegian oil industry. I had lived on three different continents by the time I was seven (Africa, Europe, North America), and it's been one of the biggest contributors of success in my life. Having seen the worst and the best of mankind's societies in the first few years of my life.

    I feel that I have competetive advantages over those who have lived the same place their entire lives, and wish to give that to my children, by way of this exchange program. Did I misunderstand you, mayhaps?

    That said, I don't disagree with anything else you post, at all. And no, one doesn't have to have an exchange program to accomplish these things, absolutely not.

    This is not a 'foreign exchange program' in the public schoolword sense of it, however. It's summer stays within a very close-knit circle of friends, who each have very unique accomplishments and talents.

    I hope she does! I could go on at length about that. My kids will be in some form of submission grappling (most likely judo or brazilian jujitsu) from a relatively early age, until their mid-teens. Especially if they're girls. Even if they hate it, sorry my babies. I consider self-defense to be a necessary skill to teach your kids; keeping yourself safe and secure and feeling confident thereof is a cornerstone of personal sovereignty.

    Very interesting to read. I've always been very sceptical of home schooling, but that is exactly what I'm proposing with the mentorship.

    I should specify, however, that we have looked at very unique traits for this program, as we have planned it so far. To give you an idea; one of our number is a Serbian refugee, who grew up between tanks and landmines, and has unique insight into the darker sides of humanity. Another is an accomplished physicist, with a gift for using the natural world to teach mathematics, as he has done for us. A third has extensive knowledge of the great outdoors, and how to survive in it, especially the sea. A fourth works with high-level diplomacy at the United Nations, in Brussels, and has an insider's understanding of global dynamics, especially with regard to monetary policy.

    It's built on the model of the classical academies, where you were meant to learn a little bit of everything in life; from combat to cunnilingus to calculus.

    As you point out, with public schools, they're simply not getting that.
     
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  9. Sounds fun. Almost wish I could go!

    I was emancipated at 16 and joined the army at 17, and came home a 20 year old who'd been way around the block. Traveling out of my element, learning new skills, and mingling in other cultures was an invaluable experience. I don't think there is a real substitute for it.
    As I reflect back on that era, I see lessons that swooped right over my head because I wasn't at a point in my life to absorb that information. Wasn't mature enough / just not ready or whatever. And with that knowledge, I've been able to watch and recognize when my kids are ready. From potty training to driving lessons, each of my kids were ready for different lessons at different times. This is usually where I'll use the words "age appropriate". Usually I won't be referencing a number of years, but more the maturity, comprehension level of the individual. Much like you don't start your education in high school, you start in preschool and move along in graduations. Think of it as prerequisites to learning lifes lessons.
    As a parent, I feel it's my responsibility to provide the need when it's needed. You as a parent should be in tune enough with your kids (more than anyone else) to understand their current needs and set them up to win as their needs arise.It sounds to me like you have a well thought out plan. KUDOs!

    Do you mind if I ask why you are skeptical of homeschooling? Is it the same concerns most people have? I mean the typical stereo type stuff like the kids are shut ins, no social life, no exposure to the real world, so they run amuck when they turn 18, etc?
     
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  10. Again, this is useful information. There's much to learn about parenting, and I intend to get as broad an opinion base as I can. Balancing maturity will be difficult - I remember getting things too early, not understanding them until much later, with South Park being the first thing to come to mind.

    As to being skeptical to homeschooling, it's dawned on my in later years that I've been skeptical about it because of the orthodoxy around me. No one I know has been home schooled - but the most developed and successful folks I know have had parents who have taken an active, 'home schooly' role in their lives. My dad did what he could for me, growing up in a different country, looking back. He's spent a lot of time on what we here in Norway call 'allmenkunnskap' - "all man's knowledge", which is a word I don't know how to translate in English, but means knowing sort of what everyone else knows. Having a basic grasp on all the topics that are relevant to our Western culture, to put it directly, as well as a rudimentary grasp on all the rest.

    So, in short, I'm not skeptical to home schooling any more.

    In fact, and this strikes me just now - Were the task left to me to raise my own kids, I think they would out-compete someone raised in the anonymous masses of public school. Arrogant as that is to say, I truly believe it.
     
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  11. You would be correct.
     
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  12. If those mentors know what their doing it would be a great thing to have.
    I grew up in government care and it took years until I finally got someone competent on my case.
    In my experience social workers who I think are comparable to your mentors are more rational than parents.
    In one Carehome they told me I'd be kicked out if I continued smoking but after discussing it they said ok as long as you don't do it in here.
    My father still insults me for smoking while the last social worker I worked with was impressed by how much I know about drugs.

    For children with an intact family an eight of what I got would work wonders.
    I was able to afford my first own place when I was 16 when did all you mommy's boys move out?

    I got a bit of topic I think don't drink and write
     
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  13. #13 VikingToker, May 27, 2018
    Last edited: May 27, 2018
    That's a rough start on life, man. That's a real rough start on life. Mine wasn't easy, either, but that's a tough hill to climb, when compared to, say, someone born to rich and loving parents. This kind of start is the best way - if you can handle it - to become something truly formidable, in my opinion. Not that a smooth start can't make you that, either, but there's an understanding of misery that you only get from that kind of a start. It took me nearly a decade to get out of the self-destructive track of shitty parentage, and start to grow wings. I breathe fire, now, no longer a crawling thing. You'll walk the same path, I think.

    I rejected my father figure growing up, completely, and had to do work to find my own father figures. I got to choose from the top shelf, eventually - Christopher Hitchens, Marcus Aurelius, Socrates and Musashi became my surrogate fathers. Edit: And Joe Rogan, much as it makes my ears go pink to admit it

    What thoughts do you have on being a parent, and do you have any father figures to point to?
     
  14. Ya, I do this shit medicated all the time. Sometimes I forget I even replied.

    As I stated before, I was sleeping under the bridge when I was 15, legally emancipated when I was 16, joined the army when I was 17, and hitch hiked across the U.S. for 2 years when I got out. I think I was about 22-23 when I got a job doing maintenance at a 200 unit motel where part of my compensation included a room and 2 meals a day at the coffee shop on the premises. About a year later I took a job in a machine shop and rented my first 1 BR house.
    Not too many basements in California. Out here we lay a concrete slab on the sand and build a house on it. The more money you have, the more you hang your house off the edge of a cliff.
     
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  15. If you're a parent you missed the bus lol.
    Parenting is a task too much for me and I know to little about it to have an opinion.

    I had my father as a father figure in so far as that we had regular contact and I even lived with him between 11 and 14.
    We didn't get along well I think it was because we're both stubborn as hell only with different opinions on anything except music.

    One day I noticed my father was actually a pretty good father considering he worked 6 days a week so each of his 3 children could have its own room.

    Among the social workers are some people I hold In deep respect like one guy who told me not to smoke in the apartment they provided but I did it and was warned twice but didn't stop. He said something about protecting my flatmate so I got kicked out and lived on the streets for a week until they found me a new place without one.
    About 2 years later he told me he'd employ me the day I get a bachelor degree.
     
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