One of those nights to drink and ponder

Discussion in 'General' started by Stark, Aug 30, 2008.

  1. (Pardon me if this is the wrong section to post in)

    Well it's another one of those nights, where no one is in sight to keep company, where the blues licks start ringing in my ears, one of those nights where the whiskey flows on.

    Moodwise it's been up and down. Always up and down. Like an elevator taking you towards a grand destination then crashing back down. Kinda like a good stimulant, bringing you up for a terrible comedown. Haven't talked to some of my good friends recently so the lonesome feeling is sinking in, on top of this mental shit.

    I also recently finished my fourth year of High School, I go back again in a week considering I fucked up in third year, just sitting around drinking and not going to class, I know it's my fault and I've been busting my ass trying to make up for lost time. Socialwise I've met some fuckin' awesome people this year and I've managed to get out of my house and had some good times but I still think I've wasted away too much. On top of that I've never been a relationship person, never really pursued anything with the women I met and hung out with because I've always been caught up with my own shit. I've been trying to extend my arms to welcome any sort of beneficial change, in order to keep myself at ease, but have always been stuck in limbo just trying to decide what I want to do.

    I normally don't post this kind of stuff anywhere, but this is GC. I've been lurker for quite some time, had an old account back in 04 but never bothered coming back. I know there are many good people here to offer some input. I apologise if you find this as some sort of pity/bullshit thread.

    What's on your mind?
  2. Honestly im feelin close to the same you have but different details.

    HS dropout, Have a baby/baby mama.

    But otherwise i feel almost the same...

  3. yea its been "one of those nights to drink and ponder" for like 2 weeks..i live in van city and its know for rain. My summer pretty much ended 2 weeks ago on an umbelivebaly warm sunny sunday drinking on the beach and then the next day it was rain rain rain pretty much till here i am chillin feeling the lonesome feeling set in too cause my buddy's ether went on vacation or getting "ready" for school and who knows doings what. Shitty fridays and saturdays get me pondering alot about life and stuff and future. I have been sober from weed for about 2 months, went cold turkey on cigs for a month now, and cut back on my liqs too but still manage to drink a few here and there. So the soberness is bad in situations like this but im feeling overall better and its perfect to start school feeling great.
  4. Well I've always heard you gotta go through the bad in order to experience the good.
    They never said anything about patience though.
  5. I just wonder, If the 'ups' we experience is the 'good' we'll see.

    Which its tolerable but not what i want.

    I deff want better then this.
  6. Bro you're 18/19, or close to. Don't be thinking about all the time you've wasted in your life, you're fucking young. I am too. I don't wallow in self pity about what I have missed out on; and it has been a lot. I don't want to go into detail because this is your thread, not mine. Anyways, you should really just reflect back on this and take advantage of this. Change what made your life less then it could be, and do some good. I donno, I'm rambling now, but seriously bro, forget about the shit you can't change, and think about what you can.

  7. Yeah dude, I know what you mean. The 'ups' just feel like some sort of illusion, like it's just leading you to some sort of pit. Sometimes the pit is full of something bad, sometimes it's empty and you can climb out. Those days though when you do feel engulfed in good, it's like a warm sensation that no drug can compare with, just gotta worry about the withdrawal.

  8. You're completely right man, the only problem is, I don't know where to start. All the main things divide into smaller things. My mind just doesn't stop going, it's like having a built in T.V or radio. You're right though, tomorrow is another day to attempt or try again.
  9. I am no where close to a psychiatrist(do not trust these people at all, IMO) but you do sound a little depressed. Depression usually passes, don't do anything stupid(eg. suicide). IMO, do not get on anti depressants. The negatives out weigh the positives by a huge amount unless you're chronically depressed, but they really just dull you out so your attitude doesn't fluctuate much at all, the great parts in life will seem dull, the horrible parts in life you'll show very low emotions, etc. If you get anything out of this shit I've typed tonight, do not turn to anti depressants as an answer; unless the only other way to "feel good" is turning to alcohol, or more destructive drugs.

    All the small shit directly ties into the big picture man. Try changing a couple things a day in your personality, your approach to people/new situations, things like this. I did this and I became happier because I was getting new friends, new out look on life, and when I realized I wasn't in such a depressed mood a large amount of the time, I became even happier because I helped myself with no outside assistance.

    When you say your mind doesn't stop, do you have anything like OCD, bipolar, etc? People that are always thinking seem to be on edge all the time, and it seems to lead to other negative things in your life.

    I guess your mind always going could lead to some good though, maybe you'll think of some crazy ass invention and get mad rich off it. Everyone knows mad money=happiness! (ok, can't back this up myself, but I know if I never had to work again and could buy whatever I like, I'd be damn happy.)
  10. #10 Stark, Aug 30, 2008
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 30, 2008
    Yes I am bipolar.

    I'm surprised I managed to write that much down tonight

    Can't really put what I'm thinking into a paragraph that would make sense, I'll give the blog feature a go I guess.

    Thanks again for the input blades, it's greatly appreciated.
  11. I haven't had such a great summer, it's been fun the times I chilled with people..but I spent alot of alone time this summer. AHh idk, going back to school on the 4th, hope that helps snap me out of this seemingly lonely loop I've been in for a couple weeks..

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