1) If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? 2) For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain. 3) Why do psychics have to ask you for your name? 4) Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines. 5) I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol. 6) I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder. 7) Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm. 8) Drink until she's cute, but stop before the wedding 9) Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. 10) Boycott Shampoo! Demand the REAL poo! 11) Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. 12) I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week. 13) I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met. 14) I intend to live forever - so far, so good 15) I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy 16) Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have. 17) The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes. 18) When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. 19) Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy. 20) If I worked as much as others, I would do as little as they. 21) Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. 22) 24 hours in a day...24 beer in a case...coincidence? 23) Many people quite looking for work when they find a job. 24) When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded. 25) Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film. 26) If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn? 27) Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk? 28) What happens if you get scared half to death twice? 29) Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery. 30) I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone. 31) I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out. 32) How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink? 33) Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them. 34) Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor 35) Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms! 36) Black holes are where God divided by zero. 37) All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand. 38) I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose. 39) Daddy, why doesn't this magnet pick up this floppy disk? 40) I.R.S.: We've got what it takes to take what you've got! 41) "Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes." 42) Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies. 43) I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar. 44) The gene pool could use a little chlorine. 45) We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse. 46) Pentiums melt in your PC, not in your hand. 47) Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake! 48) The secret of the universe is @*&^^^ NO CARRIER 49) Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot. 50) I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing! 51) Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else. 52) Give me ambiguity or give me something else. 53) Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math. 54) There's too much blood in my caffeine system. 55) Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity. 56) I wouldn't be caught dead with a necrophiliac. 57) Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control! 58) Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now. 59) I won't rise to the occasion, but I'll slide over to it. 60) Double your drive space - delete Windows! 61) Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy. 62) Consciousness: that annoying time between naps. 63) I used to have a handle on life, then it broke. 64) I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it. 65) When there's a will, I want to be in it. 66) Okay, who put a "stop payment" on my reality check? 67) Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs. 68) We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART? 69) All generalizations are false, including this one. 70) Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. TAG LINES: 71)Life without danger is a waste of oxygen. 72)Never run after buses or women: you'll always get left behind. 73)ERROR 406: file corrupt: config.earth -- reboot universe? (Y/N) 74)"I am logged in, therefore I am." 75)The truth is out there? Anyone knows the URL? 76)Old programmers never die; they just give up their resources. 77)God invented man because Eve's vibrator ran out of batteries. 78)God invented Women because he wanted a good laugh. 79)My wife ran away with my best friend. I sure miss him. 80)Half of the people in the world are below average. 81)Life in a vacuum sucks. 82)What method does Kurt Cobain use to collect his thoughts? A spatula. 83)RUNTIME ERROR 6D at 417A: 32CF: Incompetent user 84)"Calm down. It's only ones and zeros." 85)To err is human - and to blame it on a computer is even more so. 86)(001) Logic Error CLINTON.SYS: Truth table missing 87)Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear. 88)(D)inner not ready: (A)bort (R)etry (P)izza. 89)Canadian DOS prompt: EH?\> 90)Computers can never replace human stupidity 91)Politics: Poli (many) - tics (blood sucking parasites) 92)You'll get what's coming to you ... Unless mailed 93)You're only young once; you can be immature f'ever 94)On a tombstone: "I TOLD YOU I WAS SICK" 95)Your E-Mail has been returned due to insufficient voltage 96)Daddy, why doesn't this magnet pick up this floppy disk? 97) I.R.S.: We've got what it takes to take what you've got! 98)We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse. 99)Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake! 100)He who laughs last thinks slowest! 101)I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it. 102)I want to die peacefully, in my sleep, like my grandfather, not screaming, terrified, like his passengers. 103)When there's a will, I want to be in it. 104)"Charlie was a Chemist, but Charlie is no more. What Charlie thought was H20 was H2SO4." 105)"Hi-ho, hi-ho, it's hand grenades I throw..." 106)"I tried to think but nothing happened!" - Curly 107)"Suicide Hotline...please hold." 108)"To err is human, to forgive....$5.00" 109)Tis better to be thought a fool, then to open your mouth and remove all doubt. 110)(A)bort, (R)etry, (I)nfluence with large hammer 111)(A)bort, (R)etry, (P)retend this never happened... 112)Bugs come in through open Windows. 113)A conscience does not prevent sin. It only prevents you from enjoying it. 114)A diplomat thinks twice before saying nothing. 115)A pessimist is never disappointed. 116)All life's answers are on TV. - Bart Simpson 117)All work and no play, will make you a manager. 118)Alone: In bad company. 119)Always glad to share my ignorance - I've got plenty. 120)Always proof-read carefully to see if you any words out. 121)As I said before, I never repeat myself. 122)BREAKFAST.COM Halted... Cereal Port Not Responding. 123)Barium: what you do with dead chemists. 124)Black holes really suck... 125)Blessed are the pessimists, for they make backups! 126)Blessed is the end-user who expects nothing, for ye shall not be disappointed. 127)Brain dysfunction detected... 128)Brain over - Insert coin 129)Breathing may be hazardous to your health. 130)COMMAND: A suggestion made to a computer. 131)Chess players mate better. 132)Computer Lie #1: You'll never use all that disk space. 133)Crime doesn't pay... does that mean my job is a crime? 134)Do not disturb. Already disturbed! 135)Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected? 136)Don't confuse me with facts, my mind's already made up! 137)Don't talk unless you can improve the silence. 138)Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die. 139)FATAL SYSTEM ERROR: Press F13 to continue... 140)Facts are stubborn things. 141)Feel lucky???? Update your software! 142)Follow-ups to alt.nobody.really.cares 143)Gravity doesn't exist. Earth sucks. 144)Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional!! 145)H lp! S m b d st l ll th v w ls fr m m k yb rd! 146)How do you make Windows faster ? Throw it harder 147)I am built for comfort, not speed! 148)I don't care who you are, Fatso. Get the reindeer off my roof! 149)I don't have a solution but I admire the problem. 150)I had a life once... now I have a computer and a modem. 151)I think, therefore I am. I think. 152)I think. Therefore I am DANGEROUS. 153)I tried switching to gum but I couldn't keep it lit. 154)I'm a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I'm perfect. 155)I'm not a complete idiot - several parts are missing. 156)I've got to sit down and work out where I stand. 157)If I save the whales, where do I keep them? 158)If I save time, when do I get it back ? 159)If at first you don't succeed, put it out for beta test. 160)If at first you don't succeed, redefine success. 161)If in doubt, make it sound convincing. 162)If it jams, force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing 163)If it works, tear it apart and find out why! 164)If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? 165)If you're not confused, you're not paying attention. 166)In case of emergency, break glass. Scream. Bleed to death 167)Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your kids. 168)It said "Insert disk #3", but only two will fit! 169)It's not just a hobby, it's an obsession! 170)Just do it. 171)Just did it. 172)Just do me. 173)Just what part of "NO" didn't you understand...? 174)Justice: A decision in your favour. 175)Kill them all! ... Let God sort them out. 176)Love is blind, marriage is the eye-opener. 177)My message above. Your response here ____________. 178)NETWORK: What fishermen do when not fishing. 179)Never assume. It makes an "ass" out of "u" and "me". 180)Never hit a man with glasses. Use your fist! 181)Pi R squared. Nooo! Pie R round, cornbread R square! 182)So many lawyers, so few bullets. 183)So many pedestrians, so little time. 184)Socialism is the equal distribution of poverty. 185)Southern DOS: Y'all reckon? (yep/Nope) 186)Stay Alert. Stay Awake. Stay Alive. 187)Suicide is the most sincere form of self criticism. 188)Take my advice, I don't use it anyway. 189)The rich get richer; the poor get babies. 190)The young know the rules, the old know the exceptions. 191)This is just a hobby. Perfection is not required. Fun is. 192)This score just in: OS/2, Windows 0. 193)Trespassers will be shot, survivors will be shot again! 194)Truthful: Dumb and illiterate. 195)Was today really Necessary? 196)Welcome to the Church of the Holy Cabbage. Lettuce pray 197)What has four legs and an arm? A happy pitbull. 198)Who is "they" anyway? 199)Why are you looking down here? The joke is above! 200)Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition. 201)You can tune a guitar, but you cant tuna fish. 202)You can't have everything...where would you put it? 203)hAS ANYONE SEEN MY cAPSLOCK KEY? 204) If Clinton is the answer it must been a stupid question. 205)Flies spread disease -- Keep yours closed! 206)Follow that car, Godzilla -- and step on it! 207)Electricians do it till it Hz. 208)Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings, they did it by killing all those who opposed them. 209)I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either. 210)Everyone has a right to be stupid. Some just abuse the privilege. 211)We take drugs very seriously at my house. 212)Its hard to get a "head" in the world... 213)Support wildlife... throw parties! 214)f u cn rd ths, u cn gt a gd jb n cmptr prgrmmng.