Once A Cheater Always A Cheater?

Discussion in 'Sex, Love & Relationships' started by AbydeBySolace, Jun 15, 2013.

  1. So lately ive been finding out a lot about my current girlfriends history..

    Weve been dating for 4 months, everything is going beautiful right now,
    We have a really good connection, I feel like we trust each other and shes
    Recently shown me signs of having fallen in love with me.

    Like not just cuz she says it, I feel it..and I think im falling for her too, if not already.

    We are so perfect together, shes genuinely happy with me and I think she might
    Be the one. I dont say that lightly, actually ive never said it. Until she came along.

    But..she has confessed to me before that shes cheated on her last 2 relationships.
    Not once like a mistake, but multiple times and she doesnt even regret it.

    Her reasoning is those guys were assholes to her, but is that how she solves things?
    So what if one day I happen to be an asshole, is she gonna go cheat on me to
    Make her feel better?

    She says shes never felt about anybody like she does about me, but is that enough
    To change her ways?

    Should I believe she can change for me, or should I second guess this?
  2. She sounds immature man. Who knows tho? If you really like her just hope she doesn't do it.
  3. #3 Bitter Verses, Jun 15, 2013
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 15, 2013
    I do not believe in the notion of once a cheater always a cheater. people can and do change as they grow up - does it mean she wont cheat on you? No. But it also does not mean she WILL cheat on you either.
    Hopefully she's grown up some and you wont have to deal with that, but the biggest thing I can stress is communication and honesty. KEY KEY KEY.
    The fact that she doesn't feel bad and uses the fact that her exes were assholes as an excuse to cheat is a bad sign. It means that she would have no problem repeating that same behavior. Id be very suspicious of her.
    I sort of cheated when I was younger... and I felt like shit about it. I still feel bad.
  5. The worst part is shes fucking gorgeous, like she catches everyones eye everywhere
    We go. She can pretty much have any guy she wants,and I think she knows it.

    Im pretty confident myself I dont necessarily feel threatened by other guys but
    I think she likes the attention.

    As we are right now I doubt shes cheating, I just dont see it happening
    Anytime soon either, I have her pretty sprung on me to be honest.

    But what im worried about is once this new love is not so new anymore, will she stray.
  6. while i agree with you, and thats why i said i hope shes grown up, i just dont think that once a cheater always a cheater.
    i also am old and i dont know how old she is, so she may not have grown up much. but for hsi sake i hope so.l
    and yes, the lack of guilt is definitely a red flag, that is true but i just cant behind that if someone cheats they will forever cheat. i just hope she grows up a nd sees her wrongs, for his sake.
    I don't believe that whole once a cheater, always a cheater thing. But I do think that if people believe that what they did wasn't wrong they will have no problem repeating that same behavior. In order for a person to change they need to believe what they were doing was wrong.
  8. #8 Luc1fER, Jun 15, 2013
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 15, 2013
    Agree with everyone here, glad to see some ppl with the same view on the Subject.

    Karmas a bitch and im sure we all had ours and Its up to us to change that to never feel those feelings again.

    As for the OP, love is bitch n a huge risk. Now i know why my ex was so scared of fallin in love again. Shit is scary. You dont really know that person till youv actually sacrafice alot of time n effort with them. To hope they dont fuck you over n stomp you out. But thats it takes, you gotta go thru the Pain to find some good.

    The guilt is not good it shows she young still ar heart and not fully mature yet. At this point if i saw my exs i Would tell them that i forgive them n that im sorry for the all bs. Cuz im done with the grudges n hate. Id ratber have good vibes with everyone. Even if i wasnt the first to cheat.

    This is the point in the relationship were you need to decide if she for you and do you want to pursue this knowing the facts and How she is presently.

    Love is risk, and if youv been hurt a few times, that your heart can usually tell you if Its a no go or not. Your gut insticnct is always true too. Never doubt that. Goodluck, man i hope for the best...
    The only problem is that the gut instinct that something is wrong, for most people never translates to actions. I can't tell you the number of people who have bad feelings about the relationship they're in but lack the ability to sever ties and end it, they're almost always too invested. So they ride it out until it's inevitable demise, feeling hurt and frustrated along the way.
  10. yall have a good thing going together right now
    why u gona let her pass behaviour ruin what might end up being a good thing
    dont ruin it
    enjoy the time with her now
    if she never cheats agan, great
    if she does on you, then deal with it then, take the relationship as it is
    but enjoy her now
    True. Though it only takes once to make cheating easier the next time. Yea it felt really wrong the first time, but now the person has the experience and will crave the pleasure again.  She will think of other guys, but if she acts on those thoughts, then there's a problem.  Cheating women are hard for me to trust.  Like, a man can only cheat if the mistress is willing to sleep with him. A woman knows she can pick a random male friend and sleep with him within minutes of a text message. 
    But dont look into your gf's past too much.  Shit will stress a man to the grave.
  12. #12 Luc1fER, Jun 15, 2013
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 15, 2013
    I had ALOT of bad instincts with my last relationship, i mean all the signs were there, but Love is a bitch. She was pretty munipluative but I wanted the relationship to work soo bad that i chose to look the other way. I wanted to prove to her and everyone we could do but i never thought about the most important person, myself. 
  13. If your girl was real, she would have dumped the two previous bf's and not cheated on them multiple times.
    Her saying she doesn't regret it because they were assholes is just her trying to justify her actions because inside she knows she a bitch for doing that.
    That kind of girl will move on to the next guy after she has cheated on you multiple times and you will be one of the "assholes" she tells her next bf.
  14. Don't do it, she will keep lying, dump her....
  15. I just hope it works out for you. I don't know the magic answer. I know that I have cheated before, but I would NEVER do it again.
    I cheated once in middle school out of total immaturity.
    And then I cheated again when I was 18, when I found out my boyfriend was sleeping with some other girl.
    So I went out and had a bunch of revenge sex, then broke up with him anyways.
    Like I should have broke up with him first, but I didn't talk to him for a few days because I was so mad.
  16. The reason I even posted this is because last nite she went to visit family
    In cali this weekend and I couldnt go with her.

    Last night she went out clubbing with her cousins and didnt get a call or text
    After midnite till this morning still havent heard from her.

    She said she would call me when she got home, I told her to wake me up.

    Never heard from her last night and shes probably still asleep, or is she..

    Fuck im thinking all kinds of shit, a whole friday night unaccounted for, and I
    Dont trust her cousins to even try to stop her if she did do something.

    But I will never know..how can I if shes hundreds of miles away right now.
    Its not like I can go kick her door down and catch her in bed with someone.

    I dont like this, it feels wrong.
  17. Op this is your girl, you're going to have to trust her some how until you have proof she's doing something she shouldn't have. She might have changed know one knows except for her. But If you argue with her about it, It's going to show your insecurities and it may lead this relationship down the wrong path. Especially if she told you this in confidence and now your just using it against her. I don't think she will like that, and she will probably start keeping things to herself. Which every one knows isn't healthy for a relationship. Keep your eyes open op, and just be aware of everything that's the only thing you really can do.
  18. #18 A AnoesisOrange, Jun 15, 2013
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 15, 2013
    No use torturing yourself. Mention what's on your mind and whatever she says, believe her or don't. Make that decision and save yourself the mental anguish.
  19. I think someone said this above but they were right. If youre gonna be with this girl, youre going to have to figure out how to trust her. You have to figure this out within yourself. Either you trust her and try to work out your fears and insecurities or you spend your whole relationship paranoid. One of you is going to get tired of the lack of trust and eventually end the relationship. So, whats its gonna be?
    Its cool to be open with her about it. If shes mature, she'll probably do everything she can to make you feel better about the whole situation. If she freaks out on you, id say that was a red flag.
  20. You have to think about it like this, shes opened the cheating door, but shes also not gonna be the main problem, other dudes are gonna try and swoop on your girl HARD when your not around and as much as i'd like to sit here and be like "Cheaters never cheat again!" or what have you, the chance is just too high, past 2 relationships multiple times?..
    The ONLY reason i would tell somebody that if i were in her shoes is to rid myself of the guilt of already cheating to be brutually honest, but aside the point..Your not only combating her desire to cheat, your combating other dudes desire to fuck your girlfriend and if shes hot as you say she is not only is that going to draw alot of attention but women know exactly how to manipulate those types of good looks to a degree that men will just never understand/know.
    so fuck the shit outta here every chance you get,  and enjoy it and what you got but just know and understand that this person SHOULD NOT be the mother of your children, lets just get real, you don't want a confirmed multiple cheater twice over as your wife, you just don't, these days that is especially true. 
    Hell, if i were you i'd just recklessly see how far she'll go sexually, fuck it, cum all over her, cum everywhere!!!

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