so before you read this..ima warn you..its long and bitchy...so yea so before i start..here's the main point.. i was going to ask my ex (of which im still completely falling for and i thought she was feeling the same..but i guess not) to prom, and she said she couldnt go forsure nothing can change it...to my knowledge i found out that this saturday (pprom) she's going with my old good friend...as "friends" because she was so desperate to go to prom... ok so some background onme.. i dunno.. im kinda shy and well i've honestly not have a girlfriend until sophomore year of highschool.. but have a lot of friends that are girls. im more of that person you go to to light up and just talk to about your feelings and all that mushy bullshit which i realize today is really nothing but worthless waste of speech. sorry.. but ok so im not extremely ugly nor am i hot.. as some people say. lol in short my life's kinda sucked till i met this girl... ok so some history and the story. yea i was the ordinary highschool student recently finding out that marijuana is definately not addictive and definately wont kill you the first few times you smoke it. i started smoking at i think freshman year..lol first time-long story but its gnarly hahaha funny as fuck tho i was such a newb. anyway.... so i was living my life blazing almost every weekend (o-m-g that was like gnarliness back then..now i blaze everyday lol.) so i was always in perception that chicks didn't blaze..atleast not hot ones (sorry ladies..it was my stupidity..and boy was i stupid ) lol ok so my good friend..joe, lets call him, and i blazed all the time and we were super chill. so one day at school, he invites me to a bonfire to just kick it-get super drunk, you know-the same ole shit. and as being his homie, i was like fuck yea fool lets' do this shit. we cruise up to this beach spot and there's like 4 guys and 2 girls.. first was taken and there was another chick...fucking STUNNING and oh my god, i was stopped in my tracks and blinded by her beauty...fuck i thought god was cming down to slap me out of it. so, being the homie he was, introduced me to this chick, Julia (hott name too ). and so after a few drinks, i was in the dont give a fuck mode, and was just running around being a typical sophomore dumbass just not giving 2 fucks, hell not even 3 :!!! so as night falls (lol an hour or so after we got there) there is, on the neighboring bonfire pit was having her 18th bday party with her mom and her friends..and the horndogs of my friends cruised right up there and played their moves ahhaha it was funny..my friend was |__| that close to hooking up with the mom..and fuck dude she was bomb too haha. so anyway, i was kinda depressed cause i was like..fuck all my hojmies are getting shit and im sittin here all bymyself at this sutpid bonfire-time for a drink till i wake up on my bed tomorrow. but before i picked up the bottle, julia came back to the pit and stood right next to me (staring at the fire right beside me..i was cold as fuck lol) but i didn't care, she, bomb.com herself right next to me.. so at this time i was likie all that fish in sea bull so i said fuck it and started to talk to her..we talked until the popos and my friends dragged my ass off the beach. fuck i coudlnt' even sleep that night, just tossin and turnin and thinkin of julia.. o dam she was beautiful..and i found out that she liked a lot of things i did and we were kinda similar ina lot of ways which was really cool. unfortunately.. i did not get her number cause.again.. i was super shy and hesitant to end such a great convo we had goin..like you know like that twix comercial that girl is talkin to that fool and he's like hey bitch, lets go to my room and fuck and she's like uhhh what? >>>>TWIX TIME<<<<< then he asks her for blogging and she was like ooooomygod yess uhhhhhhh. but i didn't have a twix..so i couldn't risk it. anyway.. so at school the next day after next (mnday) i start to talk to joe about how hot she was and how nice she was and shit like that...after a little bit of time (1 week) i was kinda hopeless of ever meeting her again and having such a great connect with her..so like all the other women at my school.. i just drop that shit and just go on living my life, whatevs right? WRONG. to my surprise, she just transferred to the school and here comes joe with the smile you'll never forget and he just goes hey dude, julia is here! and in seconds she comes and gives me the biggest hug i've had inawhile. dam..i was speechless as i look around this fuck who hated me looked at me and i pretended to fuck her and he got heated and left hahahahaha funny as fuck but anyway she didn't know so yea---LOW KEY STATUS!!! D lol jk so yea gues what i learn next, in the upcoming weeks? she blazes...a lot like me!!!..she's bi, and she kinda liked me. 2..well 3 things that just set that shit off so after blazing with her and talkin to her and gettin super close.. i asked her out and she said yea.. one of the best feelings of my life, and ok so i was super newb cause i've never had a girlfriend before so i just stood there.. (in the pool we were in) with the fattest you could imagine hahahah ok so after being my girlfriend..life was fuckin splendid.. i loved every minute iwas with her and i could safely say she did aswell.. we went to the movies, i took her out to eat, we kicked it, we blazed super thick and just adventured...it was super weird..she was like my best friend, nick, except a chick with almost D cups that blazes like i do and doesn't have a dick ok so while i was with her..again being a newb.. i had no idea what to do/think/expect.. so i just kinda kept it lowkey and hit her up when she hit me up and like well trusted her.. which was eventually my downfall. ok so its her birthday and i bought a DANK 8th and an edible (first edible i've EVER set my hands on..just for her ) and fuck..we were so fucked up that night. but like she was one that never wanted to do anything (hook up, fuck around..fuck) when she was high.. but i was so deeply..ok to be honest i wasn't in LOVE becasue i honestly dont even know what love is.. so lets say i liked her..but a level before love. and she had the same feeling with me. so for her birthday with the dankies, i threw down money on a ticket to this huge grateful dead sorta thing in chicago cause she said she'd diieieee to see 'em and her dad was going with her so it was all good, i wasn't trippin but i could't go cause my mom wouldn't let me lol so whatevs. so one night she hits me up sounding super weird then proceeds to tell me how drunk she is and shit and how bad she wants me..yea ok lady lemme just take my shoelace express all the way down to chicago (i live in SoCAl) so i was just like yea ok ok yea ok ok yea have fun becareful yea k blah blah..but the thing that pissed me off was that i kept hearing a guy in the background goin "comon, hurry the fuck up, lets go, put the phone down, etc" and it definately wasn't her dad. which got me to think..she's super slutty when she's drunk.. liike first time i got drunk with her.. she wanted to suck my dick but before that wanted to shower naked with me but before that she started to blow chunks and i drank a lot..like a lot..and just spewed and passed the fuck out lol..drunkest i've been in well a long time. so i knew how much of a little "slut" (couldn't ifnd a better word) she is when she was drunk. so i decided fuck her i'll talk to her when she comes home. she comes home and is all pised off at me cause i never hit her up. in short i told her i dont trust that she didn't do shit in chicago and if she did i didn't care as long as she's not using me like a fucking tampon and she was like trust blah blah blah your a dick blah blah sorry come over. sooooo lets skip a few. i didn't fuck her yet. we were in summer school together (yea i was stupid..first ss in my life lol) and she just decides to dump me for some fuck punk at school. i was fuckin heartbroken..not the first few hours when she did it (she sat right next to me..and texted me that we should see other people...) so when i come home.. wel i didn't wanna do shit.. iw as so done i was like fuck me fuck life fuck everything. so after a while, we started to talk again and she tells me how deeply she likes me and wishes she never broke up but things can't change and it wouldn't be the same.. that night we got super drunk and she showed me her tits and she almost whacked me off (comon guys..it was cold as fuck and concrete hurts the ass yo) and she and i were so drunk, i was trippin and shit. i dunno it was gnarly like 3 in the mornin ass naked and like hobos ontop of this ledge ontop of us like lurkin..haha we were like spec ops status-naked gun to a whole new meaning. so i walk her home half dressed and hook up with her and then let her go.. i asked her out the next day (cause the night before she said to think about what i say cause im drunk as fuck)so i ask her out and she goes mabye ;P and i waslike fuck then she was like yae the next day she broke it off....nwo what the fuck.. later i know that she dumped me to go for joe's homie...i felt so broken i might aswell have shattered in the wind. ok dont call me creepy...but when she broke up with me and went with that kid my friend would tell me what would go down and shit and apparently he just wanted to fuck her..and him being white (yea being white has a thing to do with it, im sick and tired of people sayin o racist, but no its the truth, take the same person, make him not white and leave the other white and the girl will automatically go to the white one regardless if the other one is better for her or bteter hcoice, the brownies never get a second look. so she dumps his ass and ok i ask her to homecoming..she said no. ok so its dinner time and im just gunna rush through this real quick so i talked to people and i guess she still really liked me..but refused to accept that..why? and no im not white.. before i started to believe that.. iasked her to prom.. she said no flat to my face and walked back to her house in disguist look. like why the fuck woul dhe ask me, what he thought i was gunna say yes? like that. the next day im told she said yea to go with my friend. so my question is.. why? waht the fuck am i supposed to do now? like i've never felt like this about any woman in my life and i really did like her a lot..she was my dream beam-hot, super nice, blazes a lot, bi , big ole tattas, and she was a veryu arty person and loved to sing...o man if a woman can sing/draw/blaze that swees me off my feet right awaay..o and i gatta like her to lol so yea..now i sit at my house like a little fuck while all my friends are going to prom and julia is goin aswell..she doesn't even go to that school. i dunno. at this point i dont even want to blaze to say fuck it. like its easy..if u fail a test or get a bad grade, you go eh fuck it and blaze. or when you get denied by a girl, eh fuck it shot and blaze thick..but this i dunno..its different fuck me man.