Im with you OP....the fact that you checked your mom's phone b/c she was acting strangely is irrelevant....you found out. She should have made better choices if she did not want a negative consequence. She is married and has a commitment. She chose to disregard it, probably for the family's sake. I probably would've confronted her before sending texts to the guy. What's done is done. Your dad should know. I hope things work out, but she should have considered the impact it was going to have on you and your dad.
Tell your mom how glad you are that she is a good mother and wasnt unfaithful like other peoples mom's are or say like your friends moms are or something make her feel really guilty then she will crack under the pressure and either 1) apologize and tell your dad or 2) leave your house which would suck.
This thread is getting ridiculous... First of all, OP had NO RIGHT to be going through his mother's cell phone. Say whatever you want in his defense, but the fact remains that he violated her privacy in a major way, regardless of what he thinks he found. Second of all, those of you saying it's justified because he now "knows" his mom is cheating must be huffing glue. For all we know, this guy is actually his dad, or his parents have an open relationship, or they're staying "together" for some reason while dating other people. Relationships are very complicated; a kid can't expect to understand all the complexities of one that's been in existence longer than he has. Aside from that, it's simply nobody's business but theirs. Not their son's, not their daughter's, not ours. And if you're going to throw out that retarded argument of "it's his family, what, he should just LET it go to shit?!?!?!?!," please try to get this through your obviously thick skull: it is not his place to interfere in their relationship. Period. OP--I really am sorry for what you're going through, and I hope you find a way to deal with it. Best of luck to you.
it may not be his place to interfere with their relationship, i can agree with that, but no, a phone is a phone. a phone is not medical records. a phone is not private social security information. its a damn phone. there is no way in hell a phone privacy issue trumps an issue of failing family dynamics and relationships. he found out so now he knows. you cant just un-know information. it doesnt work that way. how would you feel if you were in this situation? i can guarantee you would not have been too happy about it. in fact you may find yourself in serious reflection about what to do about it. and i think you missed the part where it was discussed that the kid is pretty damn sure its not his dad. as being part of the family, if something like an open relationship is going on, then he was bound to find out eventually, and his parents owe it to him in the long run. it may shock or scare him at first, but thinking your mom cheated and not knowing the truth is much worse. this kid may not understand the dynamics of his parents relationship, but he is damn well subject to that relationship's effects on his family. i think he has a fucking right know when something is the fuck up.
--Personal property is personal property. If it belongs to his mother, he shouldn't be touching it without her express permission. --You're right, he can't just "un-know" this. He needs to decide what he's going to do: confront Mom, tell Dad, or keep it to himself. But any internal conflict he's facing over this could've simply been avoided had he minded his own business in the first place. --How do you know I haven't been in this situation? --I didn't miss anything, dude --His parents don't "owe" him jack shit, much less an explanation of the private details of their relationship. --He has NO fucking right. Yes, it will affect him, but that's how family works. He is the child, they are the parents. He can't tell them how to conduct their relationship, nor do they need to get his approval before taking said relationship in a different direction. If the kid's got a problem with that, tough shit. He always has the option of simply leaving and starting his own family-free life.
AVOIDANCE OF PROBLEM ONLY MAGNIFIES THAT PROBLEM. he absolutely shouldnt have touched that phone, but he did and its done. i dont know you havent been in this situation, i just said that if you were you probably didnt feel to happy about it. when a couple bring a child into this world, it becomes their responsibility, and included in that responsibility is keeping the child healthy. this is where personal opinions come in. i believe they should keep him aware once a certain point in their relationship is reached(i wont get into defining that point). you dont agree with me and its that simple. im not going to argue personal opinion. if you didnt mis anything then its highly unlikely that the dude is his dad. hes not telling them how to conduct their relationship, nor did i say he was or should. i also didnt say he has to give his approval, the parents are in control and he shouldnt decide what direction they decide to go in, but he should be aware if that change in direction could have more than negligible effects on him. edit - yea its tough shit that the kid may have a problem with his mom, but if he is informed on the issue, then he can cope with it better and deal with appropriately.
You're right--it IS a matter of personal opinion. I respectfully disagree with yours You have a good point or two though. Just sayin'.
Let's put this in the perspective of the father for a second. Now pretend you are that father. You love your family, work hard every day for them, give your life to them. You think everything is the way it's always been, and you have what you assume to be a healthy relationship with your wife. You hang out, support each other, make love at night, etc.. (Now we are going into the hypothetical part of my story) Now you go to the doctor for your regular checkup. A fitness test, blood test etc.. a few weeks later you doctor calls, he says you have an STD. You don't understand. Your wife never had one, you never had one (til now), and you've done nothing but be faithful. Now you confront your wife, who will be caught in quite the pickle, cause she'll know that she is the one who got it from her affair(s). Using your imagination, we can now envision fights, divorce, and worst of all, your life possibly ruined. And all of this might have been avoided if your son, who knew the affair was occurring, would have told you. Now tell me you still think OP shouldn't have done anything, and should not tell his father and confront his mother.
I think this thread needs an update... I still think it's wrong to go through your parents phone, I would get slapped. It's a family....but at the center of that family is a relationship between mother and father. If mother and father aren't happy... then so be it. Obviously if she's cheating, she's not happy or has found happiness with someone else. What are you gonna go beat down everyone who could potentially be a better match for your mother or father? Although I bet if it was the father cheating, most men would have nothing to say about it, because yeah you're not gonna go threaten and beat up a woman. Anyways my point is that in this sort of matter, a child has no leverage on whether the relationship is going to stop with the other man or not. Or whether the relationship is going to work out between your mom and father. It's all about them, where they are, and who they want to be with. If anything I would just tell your dad to check the phone and find out for himself.
No, OP should've never gone through his mother's cell phone. Period. Whether he tells his father and/or confronts his mother is up to him. Personally, I wouldn't. I might find a way to anonymously tell my dad, but I would never confront either of my parents like that. Why? IT'S NONE OF MY FUCKING BUSINESS. Their relationship is THEIR RELATIONSHIP. It is not for me to decide what is and is not okay for them to be doing. It is not for me to decide what they should and should not be telling each other. And it is certainly not my place to go through my parents' personal property and throw what I've found in their faces. Should his dad know? Yes. I think we can all agree on that. The issue is whether OP should tell him, or confront his mother and urge her to tell him, or just stay the hell out of it. I think he should mind his own business; at most, he should send an anonymous letter or make an anonymous phone call. Finally, again, this could've been avoided had a kid not taken the liberty of snooping through his parents' personal things. There's a lesson here, folks.
I agree with some previous posters, There are some real scum bags here. Confront her, I do not blame you at all for snooping and what you found justifies it. Its like the dilemma of waterboarding a terrorist. Yea it may suck for them but what if we found out about another terror plot. Waterboard away they chose terrorism to begin with. Snoop away I cant say ive ever ONCE felt my mom was sketchy in anyway. She gave you the reasons to look into her behavior and you did. You were right, so now expose that bitch because your dad doesnt deserve it.
So having an opinion that differs from yours makes someone a "scum bag?" Dude, you are SO far off with this post. This kid of shit makes me wonder how you get through the day without choking on your own tongue. Also, I'd really love to know how old all of the people in the "TELL ON THAT BITCH/BEAT THAT FUCKER'S ASS/WAY TO GO DUDE, YOU EXPOSED THAT CUNT FOR THE LYING WHORE SHE IS" camp are
So having an opinion that differs from yours makes someone a "scum bag?" Dude, you are SO far off with this post. This kid of shit makes me wonder how you get through the day without choking on your own tongue. Also, I'd really love to know how old all of the people in the "TELL ON THAT BITCH/BEAT THAT FUCKER'S ASS/WAY TO GO DUDE, YOU EXPOSED THAT CUNT FOR THE LYING WHORE SHE IS" camp are
I know its a bad situation atm, but man just let it be. For all you know your mom is seeing someone, and so is your dad. but they just haven't gotten a divorce so spear you and your sister heart ache and pain.
ok fine let me rephrase it, AFTER i realized the guy doesnt give a shit about my dad and mothers relationship id go pay him a visit. and as for my mom being awhore....well..id straight up kick her out of my life. Its the way i think, if u dont agree, well...idc really lol.
Dude this same thing happened to me and i didnt say anything to my parents and like 3 months and they got a divorce.
wow this thread really shows a lot of the member's true colors, its very disappointing that a lot of you are actually saying he shouldn't tell anyone, that it's alright!? And some trying to give negative rep!!! WOW! Some of you have obviously never been through this kind of thing. It IS his business, these kind of things can and usually do have very serious effects on the children. OP you looking through her phone is NOTHING in comparison to what she is doing to you and your family, best of luck with your decision.