Oh, the joys of being self consious and paranoid

Its amazing how weed with all of its wonders would bring out the worst in me. Smoking weed has made me self consious and paranoid. These days I can almost only think about the fact that I never made any real best friends in highschool, and how when I talk to them I always feel like there just putting up with me. Its a little haunting, and I keep music in my ears almost all the time because when left to my own devices I can only think about stupid stuff I've done in my life.

Before the summer I had curly hair, dressed way different, acted different, and listened to different music. This summer I almost completely changed. I think the reason why I think about all the stupid stuff I've done is because I look back and I see a younger, much more nieve being standing in my shoes. And whats worse is that when I do look back to see the friends that person had I only see people who were putting up with the presence of an annoying kid. Whether or not thats true, I cant be sure, it may not be, but then it could always be true.

Today, I have a new group of freinds in college, and my personality has changed, my appearance and my taste in music. I dont play video games much anymore, and I'm doing well in school. Lately I've been burning pretty well every day, but only by myself. And yet sometimes I look at my freinds and sometimes I feel like there just putting up with me too.

So I dont know...Being self conscious and paranoid may just be a part of growing up and becoming a man. Maybe I just need to smoke with other people more, or maybe I need to get a girlfriend.

what do you guys think? Post your thoughts, I know this doesn't make a whole lotta sense, but whatever. I'm not blazed lol

 

Yah man, I like who I am today. I feel like I am a better being than the one I was before.

rofl 100th post