Oh Fuck My Life Is Fucked

Discussion in 'General' started by BongTechnician, Jun 28, 2009.

  1. my hot sexy girlfriend of 4 years may find out about the cycber sex talk I had with an morbidly obese girl who wants my balls. fml

    that's mine. go ahead. what's your fml?
     
  2. I fell down a flight of stairs last night. I was shitfaced, and now I'm covered in bruises.
     
  3. Got caught speeding in a residential area by my folks. A week later, this past thursday i guess somebody called in my plate and said i was "Speeding and driving iratically", so now he wants my liscence plate....Ugh, FML, lol.
     
  4. Randomly every fucking dealer in my are dried up cause there's been huge busts and crackdowns from cops.......so I spent 8 hours walking around, about 15 miles back and forth, and calling hundreds of people, literally like insane amounts of talking, and begging, and persuading to then end up will still.......NO WEED. FMLFML!
     
  5. I have to work all weekend, and I can't figure out if I am sick or if I have suddenly developed allergies because I cough, have snot, and an occasional sore throat from the snot. since like last week. eugh
     
  6. The lesson I learned and used to my advantage tonight is the privacy settings on good ole facebook. The fat bitch can't get in contact with my current girlfriend and I blocked everything else that she could use to find out. I'm soooo glad I set up all those privacy settings. Facebook is secretly evil.
     
  7. the real lesson seems to be, have real sex with your hot gf instead of having cybersex with a girl you don't even seem to like on the internet?:confused:
     
  8. Damn dude, I'd be grateful for that...occasionally you hear about people falling down stairs and breaking their neck or somethin.:eek:
     

  9. yeah dude, seriously, wtf is up with that?

    hot gf yet your cybering with a porker? but you could be onto something, she may choke down your dick like its sausage.
     
  10. Yeah I'm pretty glad that I didn't end up getting seriously hurt.

    It's also made me rethink my priorities a little, and I'm not going to be doing any heavy drinking for a while. Just a six pack of quality beer from now on. And some good weed. :smoking:
     
  11. Gotta come up with rent moniez by monday! FML! =p
     

  12. welcome to saying that 12x a year for the rest of your life! not only that but well throw in car payments, utilities, and if you hit the jackpot 18 yrs of child support!
     
  13. just tell ur gf that you are a chubby chaser. its ok though, all of us really are deep down inside.
     
  14. it ain't the chubby we chase, it's what's between her thighs that make my eyes wide
     
  15. wtf are u serious?

    that's y u erase the history, bro

    and do shit like that when you're alone

    and as for me, i'm actually doing all good
     
  16. Haha I know.. fuck man. I'm 23 and it's like... I remember when I was 16, every time a teacher or older person would tell me to straighten up, I'd ignore them. Their advice usually came out as something like, "Don't screw up kid, trust me. Never did this or that (insert random issue), and now I'm a plumber. Stay in school!"

    I opted for the Army. From eighteen until I was 23 I was considered property, but my utilties and food were free. Since I've been out, it's like HOLY CRAP, I'm on my own. Yet, I feel a great sense of responsibility to support myself. It's like playing the Sims. You know that cool feeling you get knowing you control everything? Well yeah, I feel like that now. Except without the ability to simply kill my Sim (myself) and start over.
     
  17. when your girlfriend hasn't had sex with you since you've been home from college for the summer, over 2 months, you start getting desperate for sex.
     
  18. rosebud!
     
  19. Im drunk and stoned and all alone, FML :(
     
  20. When your girlfriend hasn't had sex with you since you've been home from college for the summer, over 2 months, you should start worrying about your relationship, I think.
    Hope it all works out.
     

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