Not accepting myself. Life's changing.

Discussion in 'General' started by jackata2, May 11, 2010.

  1. #1 jackata2, May 11, 2010
    Last edited by a moderator: May 11, 2010
    Since I've started smoking, things has been really changing...
    I feel like I want to change. I don't want to be myself.

    I feel now that money will make me way more happy (more weed, clothes, just whatever you know?)

    I feel like I want to take more responsibility. I want to work. I feel like my life is empty.
    I also hate now staying home or studying. But I still get good grades though.
    I want to chill with people all day.
    I can't stand home anymore.

    As a result from all this, some things have changed:
    - At first I felt it was okay not chilling as much since I have school and I got to concentrate. Now I'm not that motivated to study anymore. I want to chill with people all day.

    - At first it was okay for me to not chill with girls and even talk with them (everyone would keep telling me just wait and the time will come). Now I'm way "easy going" with girls. Started talking with any girl I see. Trying to hit on any girl I see. Started to get "noticed" by girls more now, at the same time, feeling it's not enough where as before I was in a way worse situation. So started having the urge to "have more" of everything.

    - Physical appearance didn't matter that much for me. Now, I take care of my physical being SO much. I want to change my hairstyle. Want to buy new clothes. Bought new shoes (2 for 400$). Bought new perfumes .

    - Facebook for me was for loosers and "please-be-my-friend" people. Now I log in FB almost everyday. I envy people that are "famous" in FB and wish to be like them.

    - Always thought that the "badass" famous kids are just loosers that will fail at life (and trust me they will, they get locked up like once a month now at least). Now I feel I wouldn't mind being like them. In fact, I feel I'm trying to be like them.

    Is that a bad or a good thing you think? Is that just a phase that will pass? Or am I just getting out of my shell?
    Do you guys have anything to say about this? I need some advice please.
  2. As long as your being yourself and not harming anyone while doing so, I don't see a problem with how you feel?:confused_2:
  3. You sound like your kinda confused about who you want to be right now and weed is bringing it out.

    I can just tell you one thing, money/clothes/possessions will not make you happy. It's like climbing the giant tree (working) and you finally get the peice of fruit you wanted so much and are joyous for having retrieved it, but it quickly begins to rot away and one no longer finds the reward they worked so hard for as enjoyable as it was when it was first obtained.

    You'll come to find in life that the thing that never loses it's joy is the climbing part of getting to the gruit at the top of the tree. It's called Karma Yoga, work for the sake of work, instead of focusing on the end result that loses it's joy quickly.

  4. But that's the problem. I know I'm not being myself anymore. I'm seeing a lot of changes. I'm trying to be like other people. And that of course makes me pissed when I don't have everything I want or anything I want to do now.
    Anyone feel me?
  5. To want nothing is to have everything.

  6. That made soooooooo much sense man. I actually feeel what you are saying. What you said is true: I'm focusing WAYYYYY too much on the end result.

    Shitt that'sss sooooooo fukin tru!! I could relate so much TO THAT. A good example would be: getting girls that you don't really care about and the ones you want are really hard to get.
  7. I would hate to be like you no offence.. Buy I guess all people are difftent for a reason, I noticed I changed a little after I started blazin daily, but I didn't want to change myself to look better, I actualy cared less of what anyone thinks of me, because fuck what other people think, be yourself you got one life, I would never waste my time and money buying a few
    pairs of kicks for 400, I would rather do so many thing..

    But hey, that's why life is so awsome, everyones difftent, and I respect what anyone chooses to do
  8. #8 jackata2, May 11, 2010
    Last edited by a moderator: May 11, 2010
    No. I didn't actually waste 400 bucks on a pair of shoes. It was my parent's money and it wasn't cash. I couldn't ask for that money. I just told them I need shoes. They came with me. I chose these 2. :D

    I couldn't really do so many other things with that money.

    And back to the point. Yes, I did care less about what people think of me.
    But now, I'm starting to realize that if you care less about what people think of you, they will not care about you either. Especially girls. If a guy looks like crap, doesn't take care of himself and smells like shit, girls will take a very bad first impression off him. And that what made me fall behind socially-wise my first years here.

    But also, you are right. I still don't give a fuck about what others think of me at the end.
  9. Don't think you got it though. A good example would be not wanting either girl at all. You're free!

    A man once died and came back. He said he wanted nothing and the feeling was better than any experience on Earth. He finally understood the quote.

  10. oh wow.
  11. Honestly, I'm starting to see that the people I'm surrounded with are WAYYY too judgmental. And that what pushed me to do and think like that.
    Why can't everyone just get along?
  12. Damn man what pair of kicks did you get that cost $200 each?

    But good on you for everything else. Just don't get caught up in the other end of the spectrum, where materialism is what you live for. You need to be somewhere in the middle of "not accepting myself" and "money money money."

  13. right..

  14. Well you don't have to if you don't want'll just be one vacuous motherfucker :laughing:

  15. Who said I didn't understand what you said man? :D:D:D
    Lol, you are right. I didn't say shit :laughing:

  16. Haha I'm just joking around with you sir.

    But really, don't care what other people think about you. Don't get caught up in trying to become "popular" or whatever other bullshit notion high school life has driven into your head. Live life for you, not for anybody else.
  17. I guess this is one thing I'll always disagree with GC on.
    I've tried to want nothing, but I end up feeling unsuccessful.
    We're wired to need that cycle of continuous advancement;
    you make a goal, achieve it, then make a greater goal, achieve it, and so forth.
    There's no end to it, that's just how it is.
  18. #18 Funk-D, May 11, 2010
    Last edited by a moderator: May 11, 2010
    Sounds like the OP is new to smoking, and the herb has introduced him to himself. YOu're thinking to deep into things man the weed can do that to you just chill bro. And I disagree with that want nothing lazy Buddhist bullshit.

    I got where I am today simply because I WANT everything. I'm one of those people who put their mind on something and will not rest till they get it. I wanted to get in college to I funked the hell out to get my scholarship, etc etc I wanted weed but couldn't afford it so I grew my own.

  19. Yes, we are hardwired for continuous advancement. That doesn't mean we're hardwired to have more jewelry than the person next to us, or a bigger house or car, or more clothing, etc.
  20. We've been conditioned by the structure of society.
    Of course we weren't hardwired to want more jewlry, but it's a symbol for success--and success is what we were hardwired for. It's kinda difficult to avoid this conditioning, at least for me; I know others can and do though. Live and let live I guess.

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