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non-pot related problem :(

Discussion in 'Seasoned Marijuana Users' started by isis_420, Sep 5, 2002.

  1. ok, this is killing me, and right now you guys are the only ones i can talk too.

    i just found out this evening that my friend's husband is cheating on her with a young cashier at work. :(

    (this is making me sick just thinking about it)

    my problem is do i tell her? granted she should know, and i would hate me if i didn't tell. but i'm not %100 sure i believe it, but i know it's true. he's not in even in town - away on business till the weekend. and no, the bimbo didn't go with him.

    what do i do? if it was me, i'd want to know. and i'd hate my friend if she didn't tell me. do i ask him first? i will definatly wait till he's back - so he has a chance to defend himself.

    this is a very bad buzz, and for once i wish i didn't smoke a joint. oh, i feel sick..... :(

    i'm very sad right now. any advice will help :)

    thanks for listening, friends.
  2. Well Isis, I would do what your heart tells you to do, I mean its hard to say which is right to do. If you feel like it is the right thing for you to do, do it, and if not then don't. Either which way the truth will come out eventually. I know its not very good advice, but its my $.02s worth. Hope this helps.
  3. isis_420............I feel your pain. I know how that is. Almost the exact thing happened to me awhile back but I was the one getting cheated on. My best friend knew and wouldnt tell me for the longest time. When she finally did, I was glad I heard it from her and not some stranger. If you are close to the person, I would definitely tell her if you are 100% positive. And about asking him.......he will more than likely just lie about it. But I would tell her, she will appreciate it and its better to hear something like that from a good friend than finding out any other way.
  4. damn this is definitely a dilemna......i mean the first thing that came to mind was confrontin the husband but your still breakin your friends trust by not sayin anything.......i really think you need to tell your friend.....thas the best solution......cause this shit isnt gonna stop if she doesnt know about it and your also not losing any have to tell thas the thing you should do
  5. Wow. We should start a "dear abby" section. lol

    You guys are good!

    I'd at least express suspicion to your friend that something doesn't feel right.

    If you spark an investigation on your friend's part, then goodie! She'll find it out right from him.

    To suspect and not say anything does seem wrong.

    But....... once I mentioned to a female co-worker that another of our co-workers was fucking her hubby on the side, she looked at me and said: "What are you trying to do? Break up my family?"

    Now that totally changed my perspective on what a friend is supposed to do.

    So really it depends on what kind of person your friend is. But most people, it would seem, would want to be told.
  6. You know the situation better than anybody else. You could tell her, they have a big fight but make up and you get blamed as being a meddlesome friend. You could tell her, she already knows and you get blamed as being nosy, etc..

    If you don't tell her and she finds out that you knew, you get blamed as being an untrustworthy friend.

    So what to do????

    I agree with bud, most people would want to know, but prpepared if she dumps your friendship.
  7. I would definitely speak up if I were you. If she's really your friend she won't get angry at you.
  8. Tell your friend. She has a right to know. But only if you're 110% sure.
  9. oh dear what a situation!!
    My advice.....tell her.
    As everyone else says......make sure your 10000% sure. No mistake.

    your friendship might end at first, but after the issue is resolved, i am sure your friend will see that what you did was in HER best interest.
  10. Well all the above are good answers. I've been in the situation where some one told me my ex-wife was having an affair and I didn't believe it. I never went against this person but untill i found out for myself,I didn't want to be around that person.

    T4ell your friend that she needs to take a look at her husbands friends. When she ask why, tell her that there is a rummor going around and you believe she needs to check it out. DO NOT tell her you are 100% sure. Then be there for her when she needs you!

    BE SURE it's true before saying anything!!!!!!!

    Some times the simple things get hard as hell!
  11. Here is what I think...

    First of all being 110% sure is the best thing.

    I think that you should confront him and say that you heard this and if it's true then he needs to tell her...if he refuses then you tell her. Proof would be a great thing to have because love will cause a person to believe the most outlandish lies so if he starts his "Oh baby, it ain't true!" shit, you can back up what you told her.

    Just be sure...rumors cause more trouble than affairs sometimes.

    Good luck with this!
  12. I was in a similar situation a while back. One of my best friends was a guy a worked with. I got to know his wife and hang out with the both of them on our weekends. Now she is just as much of a friend as he is. Well, he has a bit of a problem keeping it in his pants. I didn't want to get involved in thier marriage, but I also didn't want to lie to the wife whom I think of as a sister. I told him that I refused to lie to cover for him and if I was directly asked anything by the wife I'd answer honestly. I told him that if he didn't want to get busted that he should keep any indiscretions to himself and not brag in front of me. I get the feeling that the wife had a pretty good idea what was going on and it's up to them to deal with the problems of their relationship. In short, I don't have to lie to the wife because she never asks me the tough questions. I also don't feel compelled to offer any information on my own since it's thier problem to deal with.
  13. thanks everyone for your great advice. this is the most difficult situation i've had to deal with.

    the hubby is not back yet, so i'm holding out till then. i don't need her stressing about this since she's already been diagnosed as being clinicly depressed.

    i'm not 100% sure, so i'm still not sure what to do. but my bf heard it from the "other woman"'s sister that this is true, so...

    i so do not want to be responsible for this, and i'm kinda hoping the rumor mill will beat me to the punch. i know that's unfair to her, but it does get me off the hook.

    i don't want to tell her directly, so it will be the "i heard a rumor..." speech. i so don't want to lose her as a friend, but i'd rather not see her devasted by some stupid bitch spreading the news either.

    why is life is fucking hard?

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