Ok so I'm high and i get these thoughts in my head and I need to let them out. I have no friends. Sure theres people I talk to when I'm bored. But other then that I dont have friends. I don't want friends. But I cant say that, cause there are times I get like this depressed. Cause I'm lonely. But no one close to me, not even my father can understand why I don't want friends. But there are a number of reasons. -My strength has gone. My mother battled cancer about 3 years ago. And I knew that soon she would die. And she did on 8/12/10. But during the time I was watching her die in front of me. My best friend at the time didnt care at all. All she would talk about is her sex life. So I got rid of her. But me and her were friends, best friends for 8 yrs. It hurt me bad. While this is going on I was still watching my mom die. So I used all the mental strength I had to postpone the break down that I was loosing 2 important ppl in my life. At least till after my mom passed cause I didnt want her to worry about me. And I did. Had my break down. ABout 6 months later my ex bff emails me out of no wear and says she just fucked my ex boyfriend that she knew I was still in love with. And I confermed it with him and he told me she was telling the truth. The fact that she slept with him wasnt the worst part for me. It was the fact that she emails me just to tell me this cause she knew it would hurt me. That was it. Nothing drastic happened. But I stopped hanging out with anyone that I hung out with before. And only talk to them through facebook. I spend most of my hours in front of my laptop in my room. Don't go out unless bills and rent have to be paid. -Maybe some people might think that I still think of them as friend cause I talk to them. But thats not it. Chatting online is the only way I can get rid of some lonelyness. I don't call them friend cause that way they are not close enough to hurt me and stab me in the back. Because I don't know what will happen to me if I get hurt again. So I'm not gonna let that happen. Thanks for reading. No one is going to talk me out of this. So please don't try. Just realize that the world is going to hell. Cause if me (a girl who used to wear her heart on her sleeve and always listen to her heart) becomes cold and distant. Then so many people might become like me. Be kind to everyone. So no one else has to go though what I have went though.