Hey guys.. things have not been going great with my girl for a while now, about 5 months, we've been together since october '11. I've been waiting it out and putting up with it and trying to be the nicest person I can be, but the 'spark' just isn't there anymore. There's more bad days than there is good days.. I've tried everything to kickstart the love again but it's just not working.. I'm planning to wait til the other side of christmas and really re-evaluate whether or not I want to be with this girl. Plus it would be a total dick move to dump her this close to christmas She's quite controlling (i'm not her bitch though, so we argue a fair amount), she hates me smoking pot and does the whole "you don't love me enough to stop" bullcrap, trying to manipulate me into quitting... and she's a clinger guys Sometimes she's pretty cool and stuff, but right now she's bitching at me because i'm trying to see some friends that I haven't seen for months, rather than seeing her, who i see a few times a week. Stupid, trivial stuff like that... Nobody likes that guy who blows out his friends 24/7, so i'm trying to keep a balance, much to her disapproval. She's 19 but acts like a goddamn hormonal 13 year old. But here are the problems with breaking up with her. Firstly I get on really, really well with her family. Her dad's great, we're always at the pub together, same with her brother. She's said on a couple occasions that she would kill herself if i wasn't with her.. I don't know if she thought that was romantic but god damn that was a big "GET THE FUCK OUT OF THERE" sign. And she's got anxiety.. I know how crippling anxiety can be.. and because I'm her first 'proper' boyfriend, me leaving her would crush her. She developed it shortly after may this year I don't know, I should try and make it work, but i haven't been truly happy in months and it's really wearing me down. I shouldn't have to be in a relationship where I am not happy. I'm not the same person i used to be. I'm trying to find the 'nicest' way of breaking up with her, saving her as much heartbreak as possible, i just want it to be as easy as it can be for her.. ain't no telling what she could do Sorry for the wall of text, but do any of you guys have any advice? just your .2 would be much appreciated Thanks guys TLDR: need to break up with gf, haven't been happy in god knows how long, she has anxiety, breaking up with her would destroy her
If you're not happy with the relationship any more, you need to tell her face to face how you feel. She'll cry I'm sure, but you're the man and you have to take that. She'll get over it. All break ups are hard, but they have to be done if necessary. And I hate to be brutal, but if she kills herself, it isn't your fault. You're not responsible for any ones happiness but your own, and if she doesn't know that then she has to learn it herself. But any way, It's extremely unlikely that she'll kill herself. This is a made up statistic, but %99 of people who say they will are the exact ones who won't do it. It's an attention tactic.
Well quite frankly there is no way to break up with someone nicely when you are their first and they show all the slight signs of crazy. I'm also pretty sure that you two have been together longer than 5 months it's 2012 and October '11 was last year, unless you ment October 2012 it's only been 3 months. But either way it sounds like whichever amount has been long enough for her to get really attached to you. Doesn't matter how well you get along with her family, doesn't matter what she says to guilt you into staying with her, you have to remain firm with your decision. Before or after the holidays probably won't make a difference at all because there will always be a reason NOT to go through with it. Honestly it isn't THAT close to Christmas, if anything you could save yourself that bill and she could use this time to be near and dear with her family. Since she has already threatened her life if you two weren't together I suggest you speak to her family when you break up with her. Because at that point they are the ones that should know about what she may or may not intend to do when you end things. I can almost guarantee you that she hasn't said that to her family, but they deserve to know how she will be acting if you decide to end things with her. It would crush any girl if her first real boyfriend broke up with her regardless of anxiety issues, she has to learn how to handle those feelings she gets when things don't go her way. That's her problem not yours, there will be nothing you can do to prevent her from having some form of anxiety attack when you bring up the break up. But that's also why I suggested letting her family know that she could very well do something bad to herself if you end things with her. Honestly by what you say it sounds like you just need to move on. There's no point in trying to make things work if you are truly not compatible. If you have tried talking to her about how things are and she still doesn't get it, then it's time for you to turn a new page. You just need to prepare for the water works and everything that goes with it because it sounds like she could run you real good and try everything in her power to have you do what she wants.
there is no nice way to break up with someone. you're both going to face emotional pain. however, it's better to end it than being with someone who it isn't working out with. plenty of people are and have been in the same situation as you. tell her straight up that things are not working out. if you tell her that she is the reason you are breaking up with her, rather than your connection together in general, that is wrong and going to make her feel like complete shit. tell her that you need to be with different people who are more understanding of your perspectives in my opinion, your girlfriend seems really immature and obsessive over you, much like my ex-girlfriend was over me. you need someone who can value you more for yourself and not try to manipulate you like that, and also feed you those "if you love me" lines. that's childish and not how a relationship works. just don't blame it on her because, deep down, you both need different people. isn't that true? make sure your decision is definite. if you keep crawling back to her hoping she will change, you are making a huge mistake, bro
Careful with that... my ex said it and 2 weeks later I was driving her to the hospital. Threatening suicide can be for attention but it doesn't mean it won't happen, especially since attempting it gets you a lot more
Give her some credit, human beings are a lot more resilient than you think. Dealing with a break up is difficult but it's not the end of the world and in the end its always better than staying and being miserable.
The girl who broke my heart didn't seem to give a shit. Lesson learned for me. Life is now better overall. Sometimes something bad has to happen for more great stuff to move in. I'm being completely serious when I say that. It's tough since you get along with her family... But look at this realistically: Would you actually stay with her for the rest of your life just to make her happy? No, of course not. That would be weird.. Life goes on. Good things happen. EDIT: Forgot to mention, I was my ex's first serious boyfriend. She was clingy. She said she'd kill herself if I ever left her. She ended up leaving me after 3 years. Trust me, things aren't always what they seem.
[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M902ZJHzaLE]Chris Rock - Love - YouTube[/ame] On a serious note tho op, just do it and get it over. I've been there before, its like getting a divorce. Yes you like her family, and a bunch of other things(maybe she has a cool dog or something) but the relationship just isn't the right one for you. Its not fair for either of you to stay in it. She says all these things, but is it right for you to stay in a relationship when you're still young and you're not completely in love with the other person? There's no "nicest way" just explain yourself, she's probably gonna beg for you to change your mind, but don't do it tho. The christmas thing sucks because if you wait til after christmas, then you have to spend new years with someone you don't want to be with. The best part is after you do it you will feel so relieved and then its on to the next one
The nicest way to break up is by fax, like in Back to the Future: Part II where Marty gets fired by a fax.
If I were you I would break up with her now. You shouldn't drag it on just because of Christmas. If you know it's over, ya gotta just do it. My ex and I broke up 3 days before Christmas two years ago. We had dated for four years and had a child together. It was completely horrible at the time and i was devastated but I had family around and got to see old friends who were home for the holidays. I got through it and so will she. And besides going out with friends and partying is always a good cure for a breakup so she might be able to use Xmas to help her.
No no I mean I've been unhappy in the relationship for around 5 months, we have been together since Oct' 2011, so a year and 2 months. Thank you for your advice
That makes a lot more sense, and now that I re-read your first post I'm surprised I didn't catch it! Good luck in your decision making, these things aren't always a walk in the park.